The Mirialan Jedi Healer

I am soo

2008-06-03T17:44:00.009-05:00

'Stupit!' I told myself as warning bells flashed in my face.

"I know you’re more then you appear." A very angry older female voice sounded in my ear. "In fact, I know that you are trained to use the force, you dirty filthy Sith."

'How!?' I asked myself as I quickly replied, "I mean Ms. Solo no harm. I just wish to tell her that the one she seeks has passed away a long time ago."

In truth, I was alive and well. I was just hoping that this person would take that for the truth.

"You lie, Sith." The female voice replied as my mind went back in time to another that did the same to me. After a few minutes it came to me in a flash. Erifia Apoc face and name raced across my mind as I pondered how would I get out of this person calling me something other then Sith. Just like I tried more times then I care to count on her calling me anything other then Bar.

The title Sith itself reminded me of a time and place that I had left behind. More to the point a place that had been my home and all the friends that I had lost over the years that had gone by. I was tried of hiding but I was fearful of those that didn't know whom I was really was a Jedi Knight and Jedi Healer of a forgotten time and place. All that knew me now as Jewel Doffee, Head healer of a children’s ward.

I hadn't used the name Barriss Offee in so long mostly because of the warning that was sent out years ago. That message that warned all to stay clear of Jedi Temple, and more to the point the feeling of Jedi dying in the hands of the clones that was in units with them.

"You Sith, are not welcomed here." The voice said as warning went off about would-be laser cannons that were aimed to my ship.

"Just tell her my message." I calmly said as I started to set a course to leave the area as quickly as possible.

My plan was if I couldn't give her the message in person then I would at least not allow these Sith to follow me back to where I'm now living. I knew that I would have to make sure to set course for a place that would lead them to void in space. I reminded myself that most of the software that I was using was so out of date as I was with use of my lightsaber.

Yavin 4

2008-06-02T19:30:00.000-05:00

I approached Yavin 4 with a troubled mind and heart.

"Well," I said out loud as I sat back not ready or willing to go any further then I had already had traveled. I was ready to turn and run back to the only other home I've ever known.

A light flashed a warning of incoming transmittion. "Oh, force." I cried as I sat there shaking my head on my own silly mistake.

"Undetifend ship, please come in." A young male voice stated as a group of ships closed in on my ship. I sat there shaking my head as I reminded myself of how stupid I was to allow myself to be placed in a dog fight.

All the while in the back of my mind, I kept hearing a voice say from the past. 'This was always not one of your strong point.' I tried to figure out who's voice that was as I reached out with the force to see whom had placed me into this soon to be dog fight.

Then like lightening in a bottle, I was brought back to the present. I could feel force signatures. 'Younglings!' I told myself as I slowly replied "This is Jewell-Star. With a reply message to one named Jiana Solo." My real voice was masked by device that Anakin had made for my ship.

I could feel someone trying to use the force to pierce into my very soul to see who I really was. More to the point, why I was really here for.

Opps

2008-05-28T13:49:00.001-05:00

I forgot all about this, how silly of me.

SORRY!!! So very sorry.

2008-01-08T14:03:00.000-06:00

OK, look I know I'm suppose to be posting. (Thanks for the reminder Mr. Hutt!)

But things have just got out of hand in my real life. Sorry everyone. I'll try to post more offen. As for the rare comments I leave, I know I'm more of a ghost of my former self.

Sadly I wish to post more and with the help of a few other bloggers I may be able to. So with that I guess for now I'll work on that next post and have it ready by next week.

Whispers of the Past

2007-10-15T01:15:00.000-05:00

I was taking a break from my work when I found this meme by someone named Jaina Solo. I had never heard the name before, and was sure that maybe she was trying to fool me.

I was once called Barriss Offee, but that was so long ago. Nearly a lifetime ago, and still someone knows that name. Maybe even knew me before the fall of the Jedi Order, but mostly likely not.

I nearly throw the meme away thinking that maybe it was for the best that this person not know I was alive. Then thought I'd go to where this Meme came from and tell her the person she is looking for died at the hands of the clone troopers.

It would be better that way, right?

'Yeah right!' I told myself as I left work and went to docking bay. A ship I had once used was still docked there waiting for me.

It took me three hours to ready my ship for departure. I shook my head as I looked out on the only other home I've ever had in a long time.

'I'll be back." I told myself as I left the planet behind me. I nearly got space sick from not flying in so long.

"I miss home." I moaned to myself as I started to track where the message had come from.

Slowly the computer came back with general location of Yavin 4. The only thing that was holding me back was thinking that this could be from a Dark Jedi or worse a Sith.

'Go Barriss go.' I barely heard over my own troubled thoughts. At first it didn't regester who's voice it was. Then it hit me, "Master?" I called out knowing that it was either a memory or really her voice I heard.

A single tear raced down my face as I programed a course for Yavin 4.

I didn't know what I was going to find when I got there or if I just sealed my own death in stone.

Let's see

2007-09-24T12:10:00.000-05:00

Where was I???

Blinding light, I think?

Oh force, I don't remember or know anymore.

Anyone out there remember anything at all?

Reason for the Error Message

2007-09-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone

Yeah I know I posted an error message and here's why.

My uncle died due to a massive stroke on August 23. After much thought, I decided to first off write this blog in his memory. When he was alive, he was one of my most truest of readers. Reason for that are and will always be that he would hear my ideas out and second wait to see how I'd write them out in the storyline. He gave me ideas that I will be using but not right away, but will be soon.

Althought I miss him greatly now. Although I sit by myself right now crying over things that shouldn't have come to be. I can still hear him telling me to post.

So if you all would please give me some time, I will post again. This may not be the same Barriss most have come to know or remember but never fear for that path leads to the darkside.

Auther

Error

2007-08-23T02:36:00.000-05:00

Error, error, error, error, error

New time - New place

2007-03-28T22:15:00.000-05:00

I'm back and as promised here my new post, but I am sorry this is a little late.

flashback

Crossover

I don’t remember how or why but somehow I was back in my body . I could feel someone trying to use the for force on me. Even their force signature was alien to me.

‘Had I been found by the Sith or a dark Jedi? ‘ I quickly asked myself.

I tried to open my eyes but they appear to be stapled shut. I tried repeatedly to open my eyes, but each time I ended up failing. I tried and succeed in balling one of my hands in a fist but I couldn’t raise it to hit this person.

I could hear nothing outside the thundering of my heart.

I tried to speak and just like my eye had failed in doing so. It felt like my mouth was wired shut.

Confusion and frustrated, is what I blanketed the force around me with.

I had made up my mind that this person was either Jedi or a Sith, but which one I wasn’t sure.
I relaxed as I started to force send question to this person ‘Where am I? Who are you?'

Would they answer me or could they answer me. Was I prisoner or was I in healing ward somewhere close to the Jedi temple?

Light blinded me as my eyes opened, then quickly closed again to keep the light from hurting my eyes.

Polls are closed!

2007-03-15T10:53:00.000-05:00

Well after 14-6 vote, I guess this writer should get back to work. Sorry for taking so long to post this but I had to make sure that everyone who wanted to vote had the chance to.

Next post will be next week by Friday, but there will be a few changes. So I only have one question for you, are you ready?

Readers poll!

2007-02-16T19:54:00.000-06:00

Doctors notes - Grim News

2007-01-03T13:00:00.000-06:00

At first we thought she was suffering for brain injury due to a fall but everything we have tried to do to date has not help.

Her heart rate, brain activity and organ activity is off the charts. If these continue to raise any further she will die. Everything we have tried to bring her back has failed.

Although her out look does look grim at this time, we have thought about calling Coruscant and speaking with Jedi temple. Maybe one of their healers will come to help us. There is little else left that we can do at this date and time but pray for her.

Doctor Delary, of Mirialan Southern Woman’s Hospital

Holiday post (Small break and it's fun)

2006-12-25T02:20:00.000-06:00

I saw this last year and thought it sounded like fun.

Write a fictional remembrance for Wookie Life Day (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Christmas or...) holiday.

Rules:

If your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL CHRISTMAS MEMORY of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad -- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. And, if you feel like it, when you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) with the memories people can create.

Oh and a second treat for everyone is this nice neat little card.

Have a safe Wookie Life Day (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Christmas or...) holiday.

Out of body experence part 1

2006-11-28T22:34:00.000-06:00

flashback

My eyes open on their own as I hear “Child your not suppose to be here.” a gentle voice said slowly.

“Where’s here?” I ask quickly as I raise from a laying position to a sitting position

“Look around you, young one.” The voice said as I quickly looked around to see white as far as I could see and the figure of a female figure several feet away.

“I don’t understand,” I lightly said.

“Don’t you know what happened down there?” the voice asked

“No!” I cried then quickly asked “Am I dead?”

“No, you are in limbo” the voice said.

“Limbo!?” I asked as it register that I could in fact be dead.

“Yes, but worry not young one. Your not dead yet.” The voice flatly stated, then added. “You can still go back if you wish.”

“And if I do not?” I asked wondering what would happen to my body.

“Then you truly are dead, and I highly doubt that you will want that.” the voice said then without missing a beat added “Not that you’d have much to go back to.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You see right now your body is in comatose state until you decide what your going to do.” The voice flatly stated.

“And just how long will my body be in a coma?” I quickly asked.

“As long as you’re here and don’t move on.” the voice answered.

“Move on?” I asked.

“Yes,” The voice flatly stated then when on to say “As long as you stay here and not go back or move forward your body will remind in the coma.”

“But how did I end up here?” I asked.

“Your body shut it self down after being drained from using far more force powers then it is use to ” The voice answered then added “Your powers have since tripled since you left the temple, but that should not concern you for the moment. You need to choose but choose wisely about what your going to do. You best think long and hard, stay here think about going back or moving on.”

“And if I don’t leave here and go back, then what happens to my body?” I asked.

“You already know the answer to that young one.” the voice answered back and went on to say “However I can not help you choose your path only answer your questions. And I must say you haven’t been behaving like a Mirialan lady or Jedi Padawan. But given the state of things as they are, I’ll let your small mistakes go for now.”

My mind raced as I wondered how this being could know such things about me.

Medical Transport

2006-11-21T00:55:00.000-06:00

flashback

I woke in a transport of some sort .

I felt it take off but I didn’t see anyone close by to call for help.

I as tried to raise to sitting position, but felt my body struggle again it. I raised my head and looked down at straps that across my chest and legs.

I felt my eyelids turning into lead doors as they quickly closed tightly.

(Meanwhile)

“How she doing?” Asked one of the attending as she walked up to the med bed.

“Far as I can tell, no external injuries but she could internal injuries or worse.” The other attending flatly stated as she also went to the med bed and started with gently open one of young woman’s eyes and shinned a light into her eye. “No reaction to light.”

“Ma’am if you can hear me, squeeze my hand.“ the first attendant said as she waited for the young woman to try and respond to her request. After about 10 tense minutes of waiting “Nothing.” the attendant cried as she wrote it down in the medical file.

“ She could be in a comma.” the second attendant said aloud as she continued on with checking the woman vitals.

“Brian damage?” the first attending asked worried looked down at the young woman.

“We won’t know that until we get her to the hospital.” The second attendant stated as she continued to watch the young woman vital fail “Just how much longer till we’re at the hospital?”

“Our ETA is 10 minutes,” The driver stated.

Grapping for a neck brace, the second attendant called out to the driver “Careful with that driving, we don’t need more trouble back here.” as she fitted the brace around the young woman’s neck. As she turned to the first attendant and asked “Why wasn’t this done when first?”

‘I…I….I wasn’t sure it was needed.” the first attendant flatly stated

“We always use one, even if it looks like one is not needed.” The second attendant stated as she went on “If this young woman has brain damage, we could be liable because we didn’t use one, understand. And since we didn’t put one on her till now, I’m going to have to report it. It may end up costing us both our jobs.”

The first attendant sadly hung her head in defeat, then asked “How much longer to the medical center?”

“We’re just pulling up.” The driver called back to the attendants then added. “A medical team is waiting for her in room 1 with another team on stand by if she needs surgery..”

The attendants prepared the floating medical lift to carry the young woman into the hospital.

“What’s her status?” Called out of the doctors as she rushed out the medical centers doors.

“No external injuries but she hasn’t awoken since we got her on the transport. I tried to get a reaction to light, sound and touch so for she hasn‘t responded. All other vitals are weak but they are also strong at times. Plus we didn‘t get the brace on her till her had her in the medical transport.”

The doctor nodded as she looked down and said “Miss, if you can hear me. My name is Doctor Delary, I’m with the Southern Woman’s Hospital. Your going to be ok. “ She said as she ran with the floating medical lift.

TBC

Hours later

2006-11-04T14:52:00.000-06:00

flashback

After checking and rechecking his vitals.

“He’s dead!” I cried out.

‘Your troubles have only just started.’ the voice in my head said as I hung my head as shook set in.

I sat in the side street and held him close as I cried for several hours before looking up as a group of elderly ladies walked by the side street.

“Please,” I begged them “Help me!”

I sat there and watched as each of elder Mirialan ladies all shook their heads no and walked away.

I drew him closer to me as I waited for someone to help me.

I sat there crying for several hours before a local security patrol found me.

“Miss!?” I heard one say “Are you two alright?”

“I’m not sure.” I cried as I held his body closer to mine.

I watched as security officer kneeled down and looked at me then at him. “Oh dear.” as he looked back at me. “Madam, your husband is dead!” he flatly stated.

‘Husband!?’ I stated back as I pass out from shook of the whole ordeal.

(meanwhile)

The security officer then looked at his team and quickly handed out order.

“Dennoll, get this sector secure. Releon, contact the nearest medical ward. And tell them we’ve got two coming in. One dead, and the other we’re not sure of her injuries at this time.”

“Yes sir!” Both men said as the ran about to their assigned duties.

The security officer looked at Barriss and said “I just hope we got here in time to save you.” as he stood there waiting for Releon to help move both bodies to medical center.

When Releon came back with transports on stand by. Then two of them start by moving the young female off the young male. “They are dying younger and younger sir.” stated Releon as he helped his captain in loading the young female into one of two waiting transports.

“That they are.” The officer that was first on the scene replied as he went back to help with the young male’s body.

First day alone

2006-11-02T23:11:00.000-06:00

flashback

I nodded an agreement before turning towards the mess that Koko drink had made in the room.

I didn’t hear Erifia leave but she must have because as soon as I turned to ask her something she wasn’t in the room anymore.

‘That’s odd, she didn’t even say goodbye.’ I told myself as I sat down on the bed.

‘She left because even she knows that you are not worthy of the title of Jedi knight.’ I heard the voice in my head say.

“No! She‘ll be back soon. She just went off to get something from her ship” I said out loud to quiet the voice and to give myself a break from its ranting as well.

I slowly cleaned up the mess , then I sat back and watch the hours pass by as I waited for Erifia to return.

‘See all this waiting and she still hasn’t come back. I told you she couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you.’ The voice stated as I balled my hands into fists.

“I don’t believe you.” I angrily stated back.

‘Oh but you do! You wouldn’t get angry if you didn’t.’ The voice stated as I started crying.

Without thinking I grabbed my cloak, ran from the room out and into the streets for Lemorn.

I brushed past several young Mirialan women before realizing that my cloak had slipped off my head and my skull cape could be seen by all. I slowed down as I grabbed my hood I forcedly placed it back on my head and breathed a sigh of relief as I walked on.

As I walked around I felt someone come up behind me. As I went to reach for my lightsaber I felt the blaster being pressed into my back as I heard a male voice say “You’re coming with me.” As I realized that my lightsaber wasn’t with me.

‘Foolish child!’ The voice in my head said as I bowed my head as the man lead me away from main streets to a side street.

His hands grabbed me roughly and turned me towards him. “What a pretty thing like you, doing out and about without an escort?” He asked as he ran right hand down my left arm.

I shook as I shook my head no. I tried to speak but nothing was coming out.

He shook me hard as he said “Don’t lie to me! I’ve been following you since you left your hotel room.”

I shook my head as I tried to push him away ‘You will not get away from him, he will kill you.’ the voice stated as I tried once again to push him away with the force.

When even that didn’t work, I hung my head in defeat as I tried to gather the force in attempt to protect myself.

‘That’s right just give up. You know it is useless to fight him.’ The voice in my head.

I screamed as lightning shot from my hands and landed directly on his chest.

His screams echoed in the side street, as I stood there watching him lying on the ground dying. As his screams died down, I stopped and fell to the ground beside him.

“What have I done?” I cried as I tried to turn him over to see if he was still alive.

Order, well more orders then I need!

2006-10-26T23:30:00.000-05:00

flashback

Cross over with Erifia Apoc

"Orders!?" I stuttered. 'See even she doesn't trust you.' the voice in my head stated as I asked "What do you mean by orders?"

"Do you trust me? If you do, Padawan, than you'll follow your master's orders." Erifia stated as she waited.

'Tell her no!' The voice yelled as I slowly said "Yes, I do trust you with my life," then I bowed my head before saying "Of course, Master."

"I order you to stay here, on your home planet, getting to know your people. Once you know your people and culture again, I order you to call me. If you leave this planet until that point, you are in direct violation of my orders. Are we clear Padawan?" Erifia asked as she waited for my answer.

'Tell her no! Tell her you don't need her order.' The voice said as I slowly said "Yes Master." Then I heard the voice say 'You fool!' as I asked then asked "And if the council calls me back, then what Master?"

"Then you contact me, and I will handle the council. Understand?" she calmly stated.

"Yes Master." I replyed.

"Excellent. Good. Padawan, I have another order I want you to follow more carefully than anything I've ever told you before," she said as she sat down next to me and took my hand in hers, "Take care of yourself, okay Barriss? You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you."

I waited for voice to say something as I looked into Erifia's eyes before saying "I will take care of myself Erifia, don't you worry about that. As you are mine, I just don't want to lose what we have."

'But you already have.' the voice quietly said.

"We won't… I need to let you think my dear, I'm sorry I've intruded on your rest for so long." Erfia calmly said.

"You didn't intrude, Erifia." I slowly said as I tried to gathered me thoughts.

"Don't butter it up, I intruded. I know I did, I was just concerned for you." she said.

I shook my head to keep the voice quiet before I said "No Erifia, you didn't intrude. I know it doesn't mean much but you helped me." Then I thought about before saying "A healer being healed by a fighter, do you know how rare that it is?"

"I consider it a friend being healed by a friend." She lightly stated.

the leason from a Koko bottle!

2006-10-24T23:10:00.000-05:00

flashback

Cross over with Erifia Apoc

"Erifia, I'm a healer!" I stated and quickly read the label "Besides if you had read the label it stated that the contents are under pressure."

"I will shake it then, to demonstrate…"” as Erifia grabbed the bottle and began to shake, in hard and long strides. And after a moment, she set it on the ground. Then she took several steps away, and pointed at it as it shook a little, "Notice how unstable it is, how it cannot stand on its own. How with all the pressure inside it is trying to break it."

'I'm growing tired of this guessing game Erifia.' I told myself as I looked from Erifia to the bottle and back. Then I asked "And your point is?"

"Such is a Jedi’s soul, a Jedi’s person when they bottle emotion," She stated as spun the lid off the top, and it exploded, sending koke throughout the room, "Without a safe release for the anger, we are all bound to end up with the same fate as that bottle."

'This is just great Erifia! Now who's going to clean up this mess?' I told myself as I slowly answered "I see!" Then without really thinking about it I lookied at Erifia and said “Maybe it’s best then that I leave the order."

I stood there watching a single tear run down Erifia face as I heard a voice in my head say 'See if she really cared, she'd be fighting for you.'

"You’ve been so brainwashed!" I heard her screech through my thoughts, "Just because you broke a rule doesn’t mean you have to quit! I was trying to keep you in the order, to keep you sane, and whole…"

"And I thank you for that but I broke more then one rule. I also disobeyed the customs of my people." I sadly stated as I looked away trying to quiet the voice in my head.

"If I had a credit for every time I did that…" She stated then stopped.

'A credit for what quieting a voice in your head or breaking a rule?' I thought to myself. 'More likely both' the voice in my head said.

Feeling somewhat in control I looked at Erifia and then said "Oh Erifia! If I leave it will because I know I can’t be any good to anyone if I blow up like that koke bottle." As tears raced down my face as I went on to say “But right now, Erifia I need to heal myself. And I can’t do it back at the temple. I thought coming here alone would help me.”

'But there is not place that you can find that will do that for you.' The voice said loudly and I replyed back 'This is as close to my home planet as I could get, and if this place can't help me then maybe my home planet will.' Which caused the voice to become very quiet as Erifia said "I've got a solution, but you must follow my orders exactly."

TBC

Koko!

2006-10-22T22:40:00.000-05:00

flashback

Cross over with Erifia Apoc

I quietly opened the door to the refresher and carefully walked towards the bed.

"Up a little late," Erifia asked softly.

I dropped my bag at the sound of Erifia voice. 'Does she know what I just did?' I asked myself as I slowly said "I thought you were asleep." as I waited for her reply.

"I was, my lekkus wiggled and I woke." she calmly stated.

I hopped that was the only thing that did wake her up or there would be so many unwanted questions to answer.

"OH!" I stated as I raised an eyebrow. "How do you feel?"

"Well. That accursed Bacta makes me want more. Its pretty addictive, But I don't need it, so keep it away from me," Erifia stated and she smiled softly.

'Sounds like someone can't handle high doses of bacta, but why?' I asked myself as
I smiled back. Then I slowly stated "Yes it is! But it was either that or be in pain for a long time." as I looked down towards the floor. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"For what? I told you to. I'm sorry I hit you. I had to get you to release some of that anger."

I nodded my head as I said "But you shouldn't of had to." Then my eyes angrily flashed from the memory of hitting her. 'Her of all the Jedi in the galaxy to send to be with me. She had to be the one?' I asked myself as I waited.

"Barriss, you've been trained to bottle emotions, ever shake a bottle of koke? What happens?" Erifia asked.

"No Master, I've never had a bottle of koke before. Much less had one to shake." I answered back.

I noticed Erifia mouth widened to an O as she left the room. I stood there wondering what that had to do with anything. When Erifia returned she handed me a bottle of koko, to which I gently took from her as she said “Shake the bottle.”

"You want me to do what?" I asked as I looked at the bottle.

“Shake the bottle.” she said again.

'And this is going to exlpain what?' I asked myself as I lightly shook the battle, then looked at Erifia. "I do not see what this will accomplish." I lightly stated.

“Shake the bottle. Shake it hard and shake it long. Do not be gentle with it.” She stated.

TBC

Where's Master Barriss??

2006-10-17T01:09:00.000-05:00

She has not come back and I worried. She said she would be here to see me off to my classes and she not.

Where did she go?
Did she have to go?
Why could not she be here?

Even Master Barriss friend Master Erifia not home.

Master Erifia promised me ice-scream, and now I won't get any ice-scream! And now I really sad.

Just a Short Trim part 2

2006-10-11T14:08:00.000-05:00

flashback

'I was right these are just like the ones at the temple.' I told myself as I stood crying as I watched as the hair on the floor dissolved before my eyes. After the hair was gone I shut off the refresher and walked back to the sink. Once there I picked up the shaving cup and looked at it.

The instructions on the side of the cup said to add a little water to the cup before use.

I turned on the water, then I removed the brush before I added the water to the cup.

Once I had added the water to the cup, I slowly took off my shirt and laid it on the counter. Looking around I found a small towel, that I laid on my shoulders before looking in the mirror. The face that looked back at me, was one of a scared little girl.

I shook my head then softly said "Calm down Barriss, there's nothing to be scared about." as my heart thundering in my chest.

I looked away from the mirror as I picked up the cup and started to slowly placing the brush in the cup. I felt my hands shake as I slowly turned the brush in the cup, causing the soup to foam.

As the foam started to overfill the cup I took the brush out, slowly started to brush the foam into the remaining hair on my head.

Once that was done, I picked up the razor and slowly raised it up to my head. I carefully ran the blade across my head.

After a few strokes, I lowered the blade away from my head. I turned on the water in the sink and carefully rinsed the blade off before I inspected the blade to see if it was getting dull. Noticed that it wasn’t I continued shaving my head clean of hair.

I looked into the mirror as I removed the towel from my shoulders. 'Oh my!' I cried out in my mind as I felt the tears race down my face. I wiped away my tears as I reached up and touched my bare skull for the first time.

I ran my fingers across the smooth skin, as I lightly let my tears fall. 'What have I done?' I asked myself looked in the mirror again.

Looking down and then around the room, I noticed the mess that I had made from shaving my head. 'I best clean this up before anyone see it.' I told myself as I grabbed the towel that I had used earlier to do so.

It took half hour to clean up but once done I started to itch like crazy.

"Now what!?" I softly cried out as I decided what to do about the itching.

Completely undressing I took all of my clothing and the towel that I had used earlier and throw them all into a small washer/dryer that was in the room.

Once that was done I then set the refresher to soft rain as I stepped into it and washed the loose hair that was making me itch so.

The water slowly washed the loose hair away and the itching went away as well.

Stepping out of the refresher I grabbed a towel as I reset the refresher to dissolve the hair that was in still in there as I wrapped the towel around and started to dry my body off.

Hearing the buzzer for the dryer go off. I carefully walked over and removed each item separately .

Dressing quickly, I carefully put everything back into the small bag that I took out. Then carefully put it back into my traveling bag.

TBC?

Just a short trim Part 1

2006-10-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

flashback

I looked back over my shoulder and checked on Erifia. 'Good she's still asleep.' I told myself as I entered the refresher.

Quietly closing the door, I then quickly locked the door behind me. 'I don't need her seeing what I'm about to do.' I told myself as I quickly took off my cloak and hung it on one of four pegs.

I slowly walked over to the sink and set my traveling bag on the counter on it.

I looked at the face in the mirror as I softly said "I know the laws of my people, and I have broken one." as I opened my bag, reached in and grabbed a small bag that Master Luminara had given to me.

‘Remember Barriss, that Mirialan women never show their hair to anyone but their life partners . But the day should come and your hair is seen by anyone but you for any reason, I want you to have this.’ Master Lumaniara stated as she handed the bag to me. I heard her words as clearly today as that day as I removed the bag from my travel bag.

I felt the tears welling up as I placed the bag on the counter. ‘Not now!’ I told myself as I once again splashed water on my face.

After about 5 minutes I got my emotions back under control. I slowly opened the bag and looked into it for the first time.

In the bag was a razor, shaving bar with cup and some sort of brush, scissors, a form of baby oil, and other odd lot of items. Some I had seen and some I had not seen before. I carefully took out each item and laid then all on the counter.

‘Barriss we must always maintain our heritage. Live by the Mirialan laws and that of Jedi code.‘ Master Luminara stated as she explained to a once when I was 9 years old.

I looked in the mirror as I took off my skull cape and looked at my hair.
“I understand now what I must do now Master.” I said out loud as I reached for the scissors that I pulled out.

With my left hand I reached up with my left hand and grabbed a hand full of hair and started cutting my hair with the scissors in my right hand.

As I started to cut I could feel my right hand start to shake. “Calm down, breath!” I quietly said as I calmed myself down.

I listened to the scissors go snip, snip as the first hand full of hair was cut away. Once the hair was cut away I laid it on the counter. Then I rinsed the scissors off and then I reached up and grabbed another handful.

I continued to cut my hair off until I reached my padawan braid. I looked in the mirror as I pondered on what to do. ‘Leave it,’ I told myself as I stopped and listened to see if Erifia had wakened up.

Hearing nothing, I looked down at the pile of hair and wondered what I should do about it. Gathering it up I looked at the refresher and wondered if it was like the ones at the temple.

‘Well there’s only one way to find out.’ I told myself as I walked over to it.

Setting the hair on the floor of the refresher, I walked back out and shut the door. Then I walked over to the control panel and pushed a button called dissolve.

TBC

Orders from a Master

2006-10-03T18:42:00.000-05:00

flashback

This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

My mind raced as Erifia pushed me, ‘What does she think she going to prove by pushing me.’ I asked myself as I held myself in check.

“BECAUSE YOU ARE WHAT I CAN’T BE.” I yelled as she pushed me.

“Yeah?” she stated as she shoved me again, “I’m a Jedi Knight! I love being a Jedi Knight! I loved it so much, they made me a Master. I’ve been a knight for three years! Loving every single minute of it… Oh, you’re just a silly padawan, huh?”

‘Yeah right! Is that why you hate it so much?’ I asked myself as I yelled at her “NO!! BECAUSE YOU’RE A FIGHTER AND I’M NOT.” then I waited for her reply.

She punched me before saying “Then fight with me.”

“NO!” I yelled more to stop myself then anything else. As I was speaking I reached out with my left hand and slapped her in the face. As I balled my right hand and punched her in the stomach.

Then she hit me again before I could say “No, Erifia I won’t hit you again.” Then I narrowed my eyes before adding, “Not while your hurt.” I was trying to remember all of my training but more and more I couldn’t recall as I started to see bits and pieces of red hate growing in my mind.

“That shows how useless of a healer you are,” she flatly stated.

I saw red as I just started hitting Erifia over and over again. “I’M NOT A USELESS HEALER!” I yelled as continued to hit her. I couldn’t stop myself I just kept hitting her over and over again. Until she stumbled backwards and dropped into a big chair.

“Now how do you feel?” Erifia asked in soft tones.

‘How do you think I feel? I feel like I just nearly killed a friendship? Or worse?‘ I told myself as I slow fell to my knees bfore I stated “Like a weight as been taken off my shoulders.”

‘But was it really gone?’ I asked myself ‘Or have I dug it deeper inside of me by allowing myself to hit her?’

Erifia smiled at me as she said, “Good. Now I’ve got so much to teach you… But If you’ll excuse me, I think I need to inject myself with bacta and take a nap…”

‘Did I really hurt her that bad? Was all my training just ruined by hitting her?’ I asked myself over and over again. Then I slowly asked “Teach?” as I slowly pondered if she really could teach me something I already didn’t know about the force.

“Yeah,” Erifia responded, “Teach you how to live with your emotions so they don’t make you explode.”

Nodding I then turned and went to my bag and reached inside and grabbed a small vile of bacta. Removing the cover for the needle, with the cover in hand, I turned back to Erifia.

I raised an eyebrow as I saw her sleeping in the chair. ‘Well now maybe this will be easier then I was planning.’ I told myself as I walked up to her and gently forced the needle into her left arm.

As I pressed the plunger down, I checked Erifia vitals. When the vile was empty, I gently took the needle out of her arm and recapped the needle. Then I quickly set it aside as I picked up Erifia and laid her on the bed.

After which I grabbed the vile and walked back to my bag. ‘I can get rid of this later.’ I told myself as I stuffed the vile into the bag.

I turned back to Erifia sleeping form, ’Well at least she’ll get a good nights sleep.’ I told myself as I grabbed my travel bag and walked towards the refresher.

TBC

Missing Master Barriss!

2006-10-01T23:12:00.000-05:00

When is she coming back?
Is she coming back to the temple?
Will I be placed with a new master?

Someone please help me find the answers!!

Yell! I'll Yell!

2006-09-29T11:59:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 7
Part 8
part 9
part 10
This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

I just glared at Erifia but didn't say a word as I waited for her to go on. My mind raced as I remembered that fear was the path to dark side.

"Barriss. I cannot teach you more until you are willing to learn. Do you want to hear what I have to say?" Erifia stated as she waited for my answer.

'Willing to learn!?!?!? But I’ve always been willing to learn. But lately it feels like I should I've been lied to by everyone.' I told myself as I flatly said "Yes, I like to hear what you have to say."

"You have to let yourself feel these things. If you don't, you'll build up and want to kill everyone you care for. See what's it done to you? You've contained resentment for Lumaniara and now it is hurting you." She said as if that was the only thing that matter at all.

I narrowed my eyes as she said Master Luminara's name. 'How would she know that?' I asked myself and then then I reminded myself that she too is a Jedi before thinking 'And what right did she have getting inside my mind?' as I thought over what to really say to her.

"I don’t know how to let myself feel those things, Erifia." I slowly stated as tears streamed down my face due to the truth behind of her words.

"I can teach you," Erifia stated as she squeezed my shoulder softly.

"But would you take me on, knowing that I want kill you." I asked as I reached up and grabbed her hand to make sure she really was here with me. Well, not another force ghost like Master Qui-Gon back in the temple.

“Eh… That’s no big deal. Everyone wants to kill me, why not you too?” she stated as if that didn’t matter to her one way or another.

My mind raced as her words fell down around my feet and mixing with my tears. “No, Master!” I flatly stated “That’s not the way it should be.” As I waited and wondered what was she really was thinking.

"Let's start with this, I am ordering you to yell at me knight. Hit me if you want. I want you to yell and yell, yell at me about all the things I've done to you." she stated as she waited for me to do what she ordered.

I looked at Erifia waiting for her to laugh, then I realized that she wasn't kidding. I slowly said "I don’t yell much and why would I yell at you?"

My mind screamed as I thought 'Erifia if I hit you, I could and possible will kill you!'

"Because I ordered you to, knight," Erifia said in an almost demeaning way.

'Is she reading my thoughts?' I asked myself as I yelled "I'M NOT A KNIGHT, I'M STILL A PADAWAN!" while thinking if this is what she wants then she'll get it. Then without thinking I reached into my skull cape, grabbed behind my right ear and pulled my padawan braid and showed it to Erifia while yelling. "SEE THIS!?!? UNTIL THE COUNCIL REMOVES THIS I'M STILL A PADAWAN."

"Oh, that's right," Erifia said, "You're just a useless padawan."

"EVEN THOUGH I AM A PADAWAN, I'M NOT USELESS." I yelled directly at her. As mad as I was I was more mad at myelf for yelling at her then at her for making me yell.

"Prove it, Padawan. Yell at me! Useless jedi. What have you done?" She stated as she waited for me do as she asked.

"I'VE LEARNED TO BE A JEDI HEALER." I yelled back.

"Yet you hit me? You want to kill me," she said as she sat up, and then pushed my shoulder while asking. "What kind of a healer are you?"

My mind raced as she pushed me, 'What does she think she going to prove by pushing me.' I asked myself as I held myself in check.

If death were as easy as a friend giving their ok

2006-09-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
part 9
This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

I watched over Erifia as I healed her, wondering why she was here on Lemorn of all places and not back at the temple where she should have been.

Shaking my head, I told myself 'I don’t need distractions like those thoughts now.'

Erifia breathing was quiet and shallow as I continued to heal her. 'Lucky for her, she won't have any permanent scarring.' I told myself.

'But I have years of scarring that this form of healing won't fix.' I reminded myself as I stepped back as she started to toss and turn in her sleep.

I wanted to grab a pillow and smother her with it, but I stopped myself when I saw that Erifia had her eyes open and slowly asking "Are my lekkus okay?" with questioning look in her eyes.

I looked at her with sad eyes before answering, "They'll be tender for a while, but that also in time will pass."

I waited for her to say something but when she didn't I turned away and asked "Why are you here?"

"For you… You kind of left me hanging at the temple. The council was a little upset," She laughed a bit before going on, "So Master Yoda made me a master… How weird huh? I know you are a knight, but will you be my padawan until we can get that braid removed?"

Her answer surprised me that I tried to calm myself as I thought to myself 'Great, this is just great!! She thinks I'm a knight!' as I felt the tears well up and fall down my face.

"You'll have to forgive me, Master! But I couldn't control my emotions.” I cried softly "And I still can't control them, not the way the council rules allows us to be."

"Barriss, Barriss… Calm down… Its okay, its me. I'm your friend. I care about you. I love you. Sometimes you make me sad, sometimes mad, but you make me happy… You hear that? I feel emotion… Calm down Okay?" Erifia calmly stated as she tried to comfort me.

I then realized why she was here. 'That can not be!?!?!? she won’t go and kill me, would she?' I asked myself as I wiped away my tears before asking "You're here to do their will?"

Erifia tried to comfort me as she said "No Barriss. I'm here to make sure you are okay? You can talk to me."

'Can I..can I really talk to you?' I asked myself as I slowly said "Erifia, I'm not ok. I’m not even sure if I'll ever be ok." then I turned and looked at Erifia before saying. "Right now I want to kill you, and I know that's not right."

And I do want to kill her, my mind was made up moments before that I should have. But I didn't, 'What stopped me?' I asked myself as I listened to Erifia ask "Why? I'm okay with you wanting to kill me, but tell me why. Give me a reason."

I looked at Erifia hard before saying, "I don't know!! I've tried everything I know and I still can't find a reason as to why."

That for the most part was true, I couldn't find a reason as to why I wanted to kill her. Maybe that answer wasn't meant to be found.

"Then kill me," she calmly stated , "If you think you'll get the answers that way. I'm very weak right now. I couldn't fight you too terribly hard. I've been through a lot, I've wanted to kill everyone around me. I felt lost, I felt I didn't deserve life, Barriss. You and I aren't the same person. So I don't know what you need to find your way. But if killing me will give you peace, then kill me."

'That's it, that's the answer.' My mind shouted out.

'Or is it?' I questioned myself as I slowly stated "No, Erifia I won't kill you in this state." before I went on to say "If I was to kill you, it would be a fair fight." Then I reached out with the force and showed her my dreams, well only bits and pieces of death that I saw all around me. I felt her wince before I asked "Why am I not where I need to be, Master?"

'Was I needed as a healer or was I really needed as a fighter or somewehre else in the temple?' I asked myself as I waited for her reply.

"Because you are afraid of where that path may lead you." she stated as I thought over her words.

Finding a Friend

2006-09-26T22:19:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

I followed the inn keeper around the inn as he slowly took me to my room.

The only thing that I could think about was Erifia and how disappointed she's going to be that I didn't wait for her in the quiet room. 'Oh, well! At least she doesn't have to worry about me killing her.' I told myself as he slide the key into keyhole.

"Here you go, Ms Ofee!" The inn keeper said politely as he turned the key and opened the door.

"Thank you." I stated as I waited for him to either leave or hand the keys over.

"Well, if you need anything at all." He slowly said as he handed over the keys "I'll be at front desk."

I nodded and watched as he felt down the hallway.

'Well, this is it.' I told myself 'Home sweet home.' as I slowly started to turn on the overhead light.

The room was bare with just a bed, a two chairs, table, small closet, and even smaller refresher. "This is nice." I said out loud enough to fill the dead space in the room.

After unpacking and taking a short nape, I dressed, picked up the keys and felt the room. While thinking to myself 'There got to more something that I can do to fill in this time here.'

As I walked I felt eyes on me but wasn't sure why. 'Everything was in order when I left the room.' I told myself as I continued on my way.

I walked past two women and it reminded me of the time that Master Luminara and I were like that. 'To be like that again would be wonderful.' I told myself as I stopped as a group of women had formed a circle around someone.

At first I didn't really know who it was but then they looked right at me "It's Erifia!' my mind screamed as I watched her take hit after hit from the Mirialan women.

I could feel the displeasure from the women in the way that Erifia was dressed. By far most of the women were more upset with the fact that she wasn't wearing a head covering.

I watched as their blows caused Erifia to fall to the ground.

"No," I screamed out as I ran towards the group.

I forced my way towards Erifia as I slowly made each woman there remember errands that they needed to get done.

"Erifia?" I cried as I dropped to my knees.

"I've got good news for you…" Erifia said softly, as she closed her eyes, "I am now a Master… I can be your master…" as her eyes closed completely.

But I barely heard Erifia words as I picked her up and carried her back to the inn that I was staying at.

'Erifia, you really need to go on diet,' I told myself as I walked back to the inn. Once there I slowly allowed myself to join with Erifia life-force and heal her.

Home sweet home, well sort of!

2006-09-24T17:45:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

As I sat there I pondered where I should go, and the only answer that made any sense was to go back home to Mirial or to one of the Mirialan moons.

'Given my choices, I'll take my luck on one of the moons.' I told myself as I watched the ship prepare to jump to light speed.

I slept during the tripe to Mirialan moon Lemorn, and as I landed my ship on a one of the landing docks. I noticed that the planet hadn't changed since the last time I had visited it.

'Nothing ever changes, does it?' I asked myself as I reached for my bag and then thought. 'And nothing ever will.' As I unclipped my lightsaber and tucked it in my travel bag.

I walked away from the ship, and towards the port and see about getting a place to stay. 'In these places, the locals don't like outsiders.' I remember Master Luminara sayings once while she was teaching me of our home world.

I don't watch were I was going until I came upon a inn that she and I stayed at the a year ago.

The inn appearance on the outsides was old, almost falling apart but inside was a different story. Last time it was warm, inviting, almost made you think of home when you walked in.

I noticed that few to hardly any lights where on, 'Maybe the inn has closed?' I asked myself as I knocked on the door.

After my third knock, the inn keeper opened the door and peered out at me. Recognizing me from before he said "Welcome, welcome!" as he stepped a side allowing me to enter.

Once inside I noticed that there were a few changes. Last time the entryway was bright and cheerful, now it was still bright but not as cheerful.

"Are you here alone or will your friend be joining you soon?" The Inn keeper asked with a smile.

"I’m not sure." I replied slowly. I wasn’t sure what the council was going to do, if anything at all.

"Ah!" The Inn keeper stated and waited for me to go on.

I really looked at the Inn keeper and noticed that his clothes were a little worn and torn in several places. 'He looks like he hasn't eaten in days!' I told myself as I asked, "Do you have any rooms available?"

"Yes, I do still have a room available." The Inn keeper said as he showed me to the check in desk and waited.

"May I rent it from you?" I asked slowly.

"Why, yes you may." The Inn keeper said as he reached for his books. Then he asked "May I get an name, please?"

I nearly freaked out, I hadn't thought about what name I was going to use or if I was going to keep the name I've known most my life. I made up my mind and said "Baris Ofee."

"Could you please spell if for me," The Inn keeper politely asked as he waited with his pen ready to write as I spelled it out for him.

"Thank you," He said and then added "You and your friend paid me too much the last time you were here so this stay on me." He proudly said as I slowly thought about how I was going to pay for the room.

"Oh?" I said, wondering why Master Luminara would have done such a thing for in the first place.

"Yes," He happily stated "I couldn't find either of you the last time and thought that if her or you came back I would do what I could to make sure to set everything right."

"That is nice of you to remember us," I stated as I waited to be shown to my room.

"Please, follow me." he happily stated as he came around the desk with a set of keys. Then he smiled as he took the lead towards one of the rooms as I followed him.

Not looking back

2006-09-23T00:05:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

I climbed back to my feet, maybe I could leave. Leave all of this behind; and go somewhere anywhere and get my head back on straight. 'But where would I go?' I asked myself I walked around the room.

'There's no place safe that I could go and not be found by the council.' I told myself as I stopped in the middle of the room.

'But I wanted to hurt Master Luminara and just now I could have hurt Erifia as well.' I reminded myself as I brushed my braid out of my face and tucked it back into my skull-cap as I waited for Erifia to return.

"Would you really risk leaving the temple?" Asked a voice I haven't heard in a long time.

"Master Qui-Gon Jinn!?!?" I said as I looked around the room for him.

"Hello Barriss," he whispered.

I fell to my knees as I slowly tried to come to terms of his present being in the room with me. "What do you mean risk leaving the temple?" I asked as I waited for his reply, knowing full well what he meant.

"Running away from your problems will solve nothing, young one. Surly you know that?" He said as I stood there by a window waiting for my answer. But I didn't say anything but waited for him to go on.

"If you leave your troubles will only follow you," Qui-Gon said when waited for my reply.

"Yes Master I do, but." I started to say then stopped for I felt like kicking down the door and leaving and then he said "But what?"

"I don't know, Master," I cried.

"Why is your heart so troubled, Barriss? Do you think you are unworthy?" Master Qui-Gon asked.

"I...I...I..." I cried, I couldn't say it, even to him I couldn't say it. And it made me cry harder then I ever did before in my life.

"Let it out, Barriss, spill out your heart in words..." He said trying his best to comfort me.

"That is something I'm not trained to do." I cried as I hung my head

"Feelings can not be helped. Trained or not." He said with a knowing smile.

"But I am better then this, I've been trained to be in control. Not the other way around." I stated.

I heard him sigh deeply before saying, "Control is a point of view and highly misinterpreted. All of us lose that control once and a while and fall off our path." He slowly stated.

I glared at him, then stood and ran from the room.

'I don't need him or his advice anymore.' I told myself as I hurried towards my room.

As I entered I grabbed for my already packed traveling bag and made a mad dash from the room.

I didn't even watch were I was going until I was standing on the landing platform. I didn't look back to see if anyone was following me as I ran towards one of the Jedi fighters and climbed in and as I dried my tears. As I slowly fired the engines up and waited till all systems were good to go.

When the systems read that I was green to go. I set course and felt the ship take off as I sat back in the seat.

Tears and Angry words

2006-09-22T10:57:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

As I waited I heard a voice call out "Hey... Hey sweetheart." I narrowed my eyes as I turned to see Erifia Apoc standing there.

Erifia said, "You look really bad, you need to talk?"

"Erifia!? What are you doing here?" I angrily asked as I waited for her to answer.

"I suppose that's not very important. Why you are on the verge of tears is," Erifia replied softly.

"I don't want to talk about it." I fired as I turned away and stared hard at the council chambers door. 'If she won't talk, then I won't tell her a word of what she wants to know.' I quickly told myself as I waited

"Don't you snip at me. We will go to the sparing room right now. Something is really, really bothering you for you to raise your voice like that." She stated as she stood there waiting.

'Let her wait' I told myself then I shook my head as I angrily said "Erifia, Master Luminara told me to stay here. And here's where I'll stay."

I then felt Erifia strong arms pushing me against a nearby wall. "Oh!! What did I do to deserve this rage?" She asked as she held me against the wall.

"Nothing," I fired as my left hand went towards my lightsaber. "Leave me alone, Erifia! I don't..." 'want to hurt you' I told myself as stared at her.

"Do it," Erifia said, "Do it dear. Because if I did something to upset you so, than I deserve it."

"Erifia," I slowly said as my let go of my lightsaber. "I can't do this, I can't go in there, not now." I quietly said as I looked at the door and tried to understand why I felt like running away from them.

"I can go in for you..." Erifia replied, "They don't scare me anymore." Then Erifia held opened her arms as I slowly walked in that embrace. I felt a need to release it all and I had helped her maybe she could help me.

"Erifia, between being accepted as a healer and now having to go before the council to be knighted." I cried on her shoulder. "Ican'tdoit, Iknowthisnow."

"If you can't do it, you don't have to... okay? Its up to you if you even want to be a knight." Erifia slowly said as she rubbed my shoulders.

Tears flow down my face. "Erifia, I mad at them. All of them, but most of all her. All the lies, everything." I slowly cried as I went on to say, "I know I shouldn't be, but I am."

"If you don't want to be knighted yet, then don't go in. Okay? Maybe I can help you get rid of some of that anger okay?" She stated calmly.

I nodded then slowly said "But I'll have made her look like she's a bad master. I know she's not."

"Are you ready to be knighted?" Erifia asked firmly.

"Erifia, look at me. Do I look ready to you? Do I look like someone who's right now capable in doing so?" I asked as I dried my tears. 'Oh. please don't answer that.' I told myself as I pleaded with my eyes for some hope.

"Then if she feels you're ready to be knighted, and you are not, then she is a bad master," Erifia said with that knowing look of hers.

I nodded then said "Erifia, earlier I wanted to kill her. I didn't even know I had that inside of me. I'm a healer first and for most, I should have been trained against this. But I still wanted to hurt her, even had joy in wanting to watch her die."

'But I still feel like killing her.' I told myself as I waited for Erifia reaction.

"Oh...Barriss..." Erifia said pulling Barriss to her tighter, "You're not ready sweetie... You should be allowed to feel these things... What have they done to you?"

My eyes went wide as my mind raced and I kept asking myself 'That do she mean by that?'

I allowed Erifia to grab my hand and drag me into a nearby quiet room. "Barriss... Sweet Barriss... I understand why you want to do that... But...."

""But what Erifia?" I asked as I waited I slowly started to repeat the code to myself.

"Barriss... Please don't get angry at me, but we have some things we need to work out for you... Frell... We have some things I need to work out... But yours are far more important. Okay? If you want, I will go tell the council to not expect you... Or if you think you are ready, I will go knock half of them unconscious."

I felt my world fall apart as I slowly closed my eyes then said "Erifia, I know now that I'm not ready." turning my blue eyes to Erifia asked "But who's going to take me on now? I am certain that Luminara won't be able to take me back."

"I will take care of everything..." Erifia said, "It is the least, I can do for you."

Then I watched as Erifia walked out of the room, and as the door closed I cried out my disappointment in myself and my sorrows. As I cried I sank down to my knees and thought back to the day that Master Yoda had given me the title of Jedi knight, but I had not been placed before the council. I still had my Padawan braid and it needed to be removed by the council and I didn't have the heart to remove it myself. 'I should have!' I told myself as I took my right hand and reached into my skull-cap and pulled it out.

My mind raced as I thought back over what Erifia had said. The only thing that was becoming clearer and clearer was that 'She wants to help me, but she doesn't have to!' I told myself as I tried hard not to think any further then that.

'Why bother, they may just kick me out anyway.' I told myself as I sat there waiting for Erifia.

I couldn't believe that in all my years of training I didn't have the strength to go with Erifia and face the council. I blamed myself and my own weakness for this failure.

Council Meeting

The lonely Walk

2006-09-20T15:59:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

I followed Luminara out the room, pausing at the door allowing her to take the lead.

My heart was thundering in my chest as I walked behind her for the last time. I stayed two steps behind her the entire way to the council chambers.

As we came to the doors of the council, Luminara turned and faced me.

I felt the need to strike her down here, in front of the council chambers. But I buried that feeling down deep as I waited to hear what she had to say.

As I waited for her to speak, my thoughts were a scattered mess. I started questioning everything from my training to who my father was. Then I got the feeling that I'd been lied to. 'She going to tell me that she’s not my mother.' I told myself as I continued to wait.

She slowly took a step towards me, then stopped herself. "Barriss," she quietly said "wait here until your called in to the council chamber."

"Ok, Luminara." I said as I stood there watching as she turned and opened the door, and walked on in as if nothing as a miss.

Silence (golden or not?)

2006-09-17T12:35:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

But I was sad, but try as I am I couldn’t let go of it. I buried it deep inside me as I forced myself to smile.

As Luminara sat down she held out the plate with the fruit on it.

"Thank you." I said as I took the plate from her and setting the plate down between us. As I tried to encourage her to eat some of the fruit with me.

Luminara sat back and watched as I nibbled on one of the pieces of fruit before taking one for herself.

As I sat there eating, I began pondering what she really thought of me. Was I her daughter? Or her Padawan? Or her former Padawan? Or did she think of me now as just another knight that she knows? My thoughts were betraying me, or was my heart?

I could feel the my tears building up, threatening to fall.

I heard Luminara take a sharp breath as she sat back and waited for me to finish the piece of fruit that I was eating.

I as swallowed down the last bite, I slowly asked "What's wrong?"

Fear shot through my body as I waited for her to answer. Luminara just sat there staring but not really looking at me as her eyes narrowed.

I could feel my anger building as I sat there waiting for her to say something, anything would have been better then the silence that was sitting between us.

I wanted to yell at her, telling how bad she made my life. Oh how I wanted to activate my lightsaber and strike her down. I fought with myself to keep control, but I knew that it was a losing game. .

'I am better then this!' I told myself. But was I??

"Barriss!?" Luminara quietly said. "It's time for us to go before the council."

My heart started to race as she said those words and without thinking I said "Yes Master!"

'But how could I go now and face the council or even face the healers later on?' I asked myself as I pushed the chair away from the table.

When all you want is time (and there is none to spare)

2006-09-14T21:34:00.000-05:00

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2

As the door closed behind us, I slowly said "Master!?" as I felt myself crash to the floor.

"Barriss!?" Master Luminara called out as she knelt down before me.

I closed my eyes as she touched my face "It's ok, Barriss! Your body is in shock. With all that has happened, I'm surprised that this didn't happen before now." she lightly said.

I looked at Master Luminara as I smiled, "Oh?" I asked as I tried to stand.

"Yes, my young friend." she said as she took my arm to help me stand.

"Master!?" I slowly said as she shook her head no.

"I'm no longer your master Barriss, after today you won’t be able to call me that unless we’re in the council together." Luminara said as she looked directly at me.

"I was wondering if we had time to get something to eat?" I slowly asked, and thinking that this may be our last meal together for all time.

Luminara looked shocked but slowly closed her eyes as she answered, "We do have a little time but not much." then she smiled.

I smiled back as she lead me to a small break room that looked like one of the Master's break room.

She nodded to a table and lightly said "Sit Barriss, I'll fix you something."

"Thank you," I said as I sat down in a nearby chair.

"I may not be able to fix you much but this should do until later." she said as she held up a piece of fruit.

"Later?" I asked as I slowly wondered what she meant by that.

Grabbing a plate she said, "Yes, usually after a knighting from the council. As many as 50 Mirialan Jedi will gather to greet you into knighthood. There's usually a small gathering but well planned meal that happens afterwards as a way for new knights to thank their masters." As she slowly cut the fruit up and placing the slices on a plate.

As I watched her sadness filled my eyes, "No, Barriss now is not a time to be sad." I hear her say as she walked up to me with the plate in hand.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "I’m not sad, just worried about you." downcasting my eyes as I waited for her to speak.

Title Healer...or maybe not!?

2006-09-14T00:19:00.000-05:00

so your not lost, read this first

My eyes slowly adjust to the lack of light as I heard flow of water from the fountains .

"Padawan Barriss Offee, you stand before us today as Padawan walking into knighthood.. Are you not?" The voice asked but the speaker but didn't step forward.

Lowering my head I slowly said "Yes, that is correct." Just as I stated to say something more, when all of the fountains started to glow with light. My eyes went wide as I saw hundred of healers in the room causing the light to come from the fountains.

Then I saw Healer Da'nar step forward and slowly said to everyone "All welcome Healer Offee to our ranks and make her feel welcome."

I couldn't believe it, me a healer. After all the years of studying and working towards this goal. I was a healer and it saddened me. I was prepared to leave Master Luminara side as her padawan, and be placed into knighthood but I wasn't ready to be a knighted and a healer all at the same time.

"Barriss!?!?" a quiet voice beside me lightly said.

Looking over at the smiling face of one of the other Mirialan healer. "I‘m alright." I said back with a smile.

But I wasn't alright, I was in shook. Everything around me was going in 50 different directions and I I felt like I was going down each and ever single one of them at the same time.

I also felt like running from the room, finding Erifia or Kriss, or at least someone who'd help or at least listen to me and what I have to say.

I felt the room start to spin as the colors from the fountains started changing as fast as my beating heart.

I then felt Master Luminara hand on my arm, "I am sorry to interrupt but Barriss is needed before the council this very moment." she quickly said as she bowed to show respect and waited for me by the door.

"Go now," I heard someone softly say as I bowed and turned to follow my old master Luminara to the council meeting.

As the door closed behind us I slowly said "Master!?" as I felt myself crash to the floor.

A start of something new!

2006-09-05T12:23:00.000-05:00

I sat in my office waiting for my meeting with the Healer Da’nar I reminded myself that I had planned on leaving Ekria with Master Luminara but she wasn’t in her room at the time. Therefore I ended up leaving her with NandeHI, I just hope she behaves herself.

'I hope this doesn’t take long,' I thought to myself as I sat there staring at the wall.

I then heard light footsteps outside my office door. 'Maybe that him,' I told myself as I stood up as the door opened up and in walked young padawan.

"Yes, may I help you?" I politely said as I slowly started to raise up out of my chair.

"Master Da’nar sent me to tell you to go to the Room of a Thousand Fountains." the padawan quietly said.

I nodded my thanks and watched as the padawan slowly left the room. I smiled as I remembered a time when I was once like that but that was well before I was grouped with Erifia, Kriss and the rest of our misfit clan. I laugh a little at the thought of what others called our clan, but were we really the misfits?

I slowly walked to the room of Thousand Fountains as I thought about how at one time Kriss, Anakin, Erifia, and myself went off to that room on our own. We had fun changing one of the fountains water several different colors before we were found by Master Windu. I thought back to how he told us that room was meant for those that were healers or in neeed of healing or for those that needed a place to think.

I walked up to the door and looked at it. Shaking my head as I smiled at how Kriss cried after being told that.

My smile fell from my face as I remembered how Master Luminara punished me by making me stand facing that door for one whole day. I pushed my thoughts a side as I entered the room.

The room was dark and I wasn’t sure if anyone was in the room. I watched as the last of the light from the hall fade as the door closed.

(TBC)

Oh by the way Ekria updated my side bar photo, put a new saying in the side bar, and something esle. But I don't know what the last so keep your eyes open for it and tell me.

Learning my lesson

2006-09-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

Master said I had to recite the code.

There is no emotion. There is peace.
There is no ignorance. There is knowledge.
There is no passion. There is serenity.
There is no chaos. There is harmony.
There is no death. There is the Force.
There is no fun. There is jumping in mud puddles.
There is no music. There is the sound of laugher.
There is no toys. There is lessons.
There is no tomorrow. There is today.

Well, how did I do?

oh!!

2006-09-01T02:12:00.000-05:00

I did a no-no!

Can you guess what I have done??

Erkia, Anakin, and a tag

2006-08-21T18:38:00.001-05:00

continued from here

After Master Windu left I carried Ekria up to her room, as I placed her in her bed. I smiled to myself. ‘This is going to be easy.’ I told myself as I walked out of the room.

As I sat down to do my reports for the day. In walked Anakin Skywalker, I raised my eyebrows. ‘He doesn’t come down here unless there’s a problem or he’s unwell.’ I told myself as I got up to help him.

Read here to see what happened to Anakin.

When I got back to my desk I found a note from Kriss.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of it and the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag three people.

Well I was going to reach for my 5001 different ways to use a lightsaber in the ER but after reread note I grab for a book that has sat on my desk since I got it.

(Perry Rhodan - # 111 Seed of Ruin by William Voltz / # 112 Planet Mechanica by K.H. Scheer, a two in one book!)

Here is what might be achieved for humanity thru Cyclops. Of the billions of races that attempted interstellar communications since intelligent life first flowered in the Galaxy, many must have been successful. They probably pooled their knowledge and experience, their wisdom and their understanding of the universe, and passed this priceless heritage on to younger races that joined the community, just as we now educate our children. One of the requirements imposed on junior members might be to establish beacons to attract and then educate the upcoming intelligent races.

Then I sat there looked at the last part tag three people and thought to myself ‘Ok if I have to then I could tag Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Becca the Maginficant.’ But I thought about it some more, and came up with an idea.

Oh Kriss this is tag back, I will not tag three people until you do this, have fun!

Ekria

2006-08-18T18:00:00.000-05:00

continued from here

My eyes snapped open to the sound of a younglings small cry of alarm.

“Ekria,” I called out “What are you doing here?” I asked as I spotted the child no more then two feet away from me.

“Mommy!?” questioningly asked the child.

“No Ekria,” I started to say then stopped myself.

My thoughts turned back to the day that I found her a year earlier, she had called out to me like she did now, I reminded myself as Ekria climbed into my lap. I closed my eyes as felt a pull at my heart.

This feels so right but I know it’s wrong as I held the child close to me.

I opened my eyes and looked down at Ekria as she fell asleep in my lap. As the door behind us opened and in walked Master Windu.

“Knight Offee,” Master Windu softly said.

“Yes Master,” I replied as I gently got up while holding on to Ekria as she slept.

“I see you found her.” stated Master Windu with a smiled as I pondered what he meant by that.

“More like she found me, Master.” I quietly stated as I slowly tried to bow in show of respect to the senior Master.

“Barriss, “ Master Windu slowly calmly stated“ The council has sent me here to talk to you about your upcoming knighthood and taking on Ekria on as your padawan learner.”

I was shocked at first, then smiled before saying “If the council believes that I’m ready then I’m happy to take Ekria as my padawan.”

“I will tell the council your answer as well as get you new Master/Padawan room set up in the next few weeks.“ Stated Master Windu as he nodded before turning to leave.

My mind raced as I watched Master Windu leave.

Finding Kriss Part 5 End!

2006-08-11T20:45:00.000-05:00

To read a different point of view go here and then
read this as well.

I sat there crying as I tried to come to terms with so many emotions at once and reminded myself, Jedi are not suppose to loose control of themselves like this. As I wiped away the last tracks of tears on my face, I looked at Erifia.

“We’re a mess?” I slowly said as I waited to see what she would say.

“Yes, but why?!” Erifia asked impatiently.

“You don’t remember what just happened in here?” I asked as I pondered about my hitting her I was causing her amnesia. Or if she really didn't remember what just happened.

“No, I don’t remember a thing… I know we were talking about your family, and then my mother, and then it was blank until you hit me…” Erifia said softly.

Nodded my head and waited for her to go on. What else can I do, I asked myself. I really didn’t feel like getting into another fight with her.

“Answer me! What happened?” Erifia asked as she sunk down up against the door. “Tell me what happened!”

I shook my head and said “Give me your hand Erifia.” I made up my mind I’d allow her to do a force-meld with me so that her could see the events for herself through the force. I won't hide the truth from her, I couldn't do that to a friend.

As she placed her hand in my I slowly allowed her mind to join with mine and showed her every thing that happened. Force knows she had every right to know what happened in here earlier.

“I deny it! Stop playing with my mind! I wouldn’t do such a thing!” she cried as I let go of her hand.

“Erifia, I’m not playing with your mind.” I slowly said as I let go of her hand.

“I deny it!” she yelled, “It never happened!” As her tears started to fall

“I didn’t do it…” She kept repeating, “It never happened… It couldn’t have happened.”

I hugged Erifia as I slowly thought what to tell her.

“What did I do?” She asked again, not remembering again, “Barriss, what’s wrong?”

I realized at once that something was very wrong but I didn’t want to scare Erifia.

“Erifia,” I slowly started to say as I think of what to do next. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I pondering if I should try a force clensing on her or wait till we were back in the temple to do so.

Erifia sighed and smiled as she gave me a tight hug.

“I was worried I had…” Erifia quietly said.

I hugged her back and worried thought how was I to deal with this and her at the same time.

“Thanks, You’re such a good friend. Go ahead and sleep on my bed, I’ll go sleep next to Tatooine tonight.” she said as she walked over the wall panel.

“Your welcome Erifia.” I said quietly as I shook my head “ I couldn’t sleep on your bed, it won’t be right.”

“Please do, I need to spend time with my baby anyway…” She said as matter of fact.

“Oh!” I surprising said.

“No, no dear, my tauntaun.” she quickly stated.

"You call your tauntaun.... a baby!?" I asked.

“Yes, he’s my baby… Tatooine the Tauntaun. He’s my little child. He’s a sweetie…” Erifia said loving.

“That’s sweet.” I said and thought back to all the times I could have really would have liked to have a pet.

With that she smiled and walled out of the room.

After Erifia left I sat on the floor pondering over the events that had happened over the last few hours. Then I wondered if I could talk Erifia into going back to the temple. “No,“ I said to myself “Not as long as Kriss is missing, I’m not giving up looking for her.” As if the need to hear my voice or just a voice of reason would make everything seem much clearer.

Hours passed as I weighted out all of my options, which weren’t many but when I finally made up my mind on what to do.

I must have fallen asleep because next thing I knew I woke up and Erifia is yelling “Barriss! Ani’s at the temple, and that’s where we are.”

I moaned and said “Good Morning to you too!” As I slowly started to sit up in her bed.

“Now, I want to give the boy a piece of my mind…” She said with her back to me and waited as I got up, put on my boats and found my skullcap and cloak on the back of the only chair in the room.

How odd that I don’t remember taking these items off as I reach to place my cloak in place.

I walked over to Erifia and while standing next to her said “Ok, I’m ready when you are.”

Erifia motioned for me to follow her as we walked off the the ship I looked at the group that waited for us to depart from the ship. My eyes sweep over the group of three (Master Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Kriss).

My eyes narrowed as I noticed Erifia motion for me to say something to Anakin. But the only thing I could do was yell “HOW COULD YOU!” and causing the group as a whole to all look at Anakin then myself and back.

Erifia looked at Ani and yelled “We were still searching!”

“Chill,” he said, “We couldn’t get your line.”

“Well, I found you,” Erifia said, “And I see you found her. Good. I’m glad. I saved you the trouble of having to find us, and if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go to my room in the temple and sleep. Hugs and Kisses.” Then rushed past the group with look back.I looked at the group and called out "Erifia, I'm coming with you." as I walked past the group and hurried to the spot that she stood waiting for me.

As I approached her, she looked at me and said“Look, I know you lied to me back on the ship. Something was up, and whatever it was, I lived it twice, and forgot it twice. Because there are big gaps in my memory, so I don’t care you were probably trying to protect me, but we are here now. Tell me so I can sort it out, okay?”

I looked at Erifia as I slowly nodded my head. “Yes, something did happen back on the ship. You may not care but I do. If it wasn’t for me being there, then you’d have done so real damage to yourself or to someone else."

Erifia looked over at me, “Sith Lightning?” I asked.

I looked at her and quietly ask “How do you know about that?” Oh no, is that all she remembers I asked myself as I waited for her to answer.

“Because, Aayla Secura used it on me. And I am more like her than I want to be,” Erifia leaned in and whispered, “I promised I wouldn’t tell and I won’t, but I need to do what I am about to do alone… Okay?”

“Erifia, I can understand that but there’s more to it then that.” I said.

“What?” asked Erifia as patiently as I hoped she could manage at the time.

I look at her and shake my head “No, what I have to say to you can wait.” I state quietly to myself then to her.

“Please Barriss…” Erifia I said softly, “I’ve very few friends. I don’t want to lose you because you are holding something inside.”

I felt trapped inside as I looked at Erifia, “We were talking about parents and for a few short minutes I thought I lost you. And I got mad, so mad that I hit you, Erifia. I’ve never hit anyone without reason before now. I …we… both lost control back there.” I quietly say as I lower my eyes to hide my shame.

“To be a healer, one doesn’t loss control like that. It’s unheard of.” I tell her.

Erifia pulled at my chin to get me to look at her as she leaned in and whispered, “I am a frustrating person. I deserve a good hit every now and again. I promised I wouldn’t tell, and I won’t. I need to go get better, up here…” she said as she pointed at her head.

Erifia hugged me, and before she left me. I then turned and walked to my favorite spot in the whole temple to meditate myself. It’s been a stressful few days, I tell myself as I watch a passing ship go by.

TBC-??

Finding Kriss part 4 (well a back story, one may call it)

2006-08-09T22:37:00.000-05:00

To read a different point of view go here

"Are you okay?" Asked Erifia as we entered her ship.

"I think so," I answered as started to pondered over the test results from before.

I looked over at Erifia and watched as her eyes lowered their icy barrier and let her concern show through, "Then why where you so quiet on the tripe over here?"

"I was," as I quickly wiped away a tear "running a small test."

"What do you mean by test?" she asked.

"A blood test," I started to say then thought better of it and added "I ran a DNA test against myself and someone else."

I saw a look of surprise in Erifia‘s eyes as she asked "Who?"

"The test showed that Master Luminara in fact my mother." I said almost silently to myself as tears fell silently down my face.

"Wait!" She said as the pieces clicked into place,"....so your master could be your mother?"

"There’s no could be about it, Erifia." I said as I wiped away the tears. "The test showed that she is in fact be my mother."

Erifia eyes went wide with surprise, then narrowed as she stated "Isn't that against the rules?" I stood there waiting for her to yell at me or at scream both how much against the rules it was. Instead she calmly said this "If so, I am so proud of her, and you."

Huh? Did I hear her right??? She’s proud of us? Is this the same Erifia, I have come to know and trust? My mind raced as I stood there and just stared at her.

After what felt like an hour pass by, Erifia quietly asked "Do you need a hug?"

I barely nodded my head yes when I felt Erifia’s arm wrap around me in a tight hug. My mind raced as I hugged her back. My only thoughts were the council is not going to be so happy if they hear about this.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Erifia lightly as she rubbed my back.

"I don’t know, I think so." I said trying to calm my mind.

I heard Erifia lightly laugh as she asked "Want me to go and kill someone for you?"

I looked at my friend wondering if she was joking or if she was really willing to so for me. I lightly said "No!" I hope she’s joking, I told myself over and over again.

Erifia raised an eyebrow and asked "Are you sure?"

"Yes I’m sure." I said thinking maybe she’s not joking.

"Do you think Luminara will tell you about your father?" Erifia asked. I was upset that she‘d even ask such a thing without even thinking.

"I'm not sure she will, I'm sure she does want to talk about it, but you and I both know that the code does not allow for that sort of thing to happen." I answered as I thought why would she want to keep this a secret from the council in the first place.

"The code," Erifia said as she let out a simple hmph, "So why did it happen?"

"I don't know." I said as Erifia led my towards a room in her ship. As we entered I noticed that it was her bedroom.

Since we have never really talked much about her family I made up my mind and asked her “What's your father like?"

Erifia eyes narrowed as she said “He's the most miserable man in the entire galaxy. When I was a child he sent me away to the temple because I was a financial burden on him."

I could feel her pain, and hate. I didn‘t even think I just asked "You hate him for that, don't you?"

"Let's just say, I hate Aayla Secura more than anyone, but my father could quickly take her place," Erifia said quickly .

I worried wondered if that what I would have been ended up like that to if my father had done the same thing to me. Without even thinking, I asked "I wonder is my father would have done the same thing?"

"No, because of your mother," Erifia frankly stated.

My mind raced as she said that, was she so sure of that because her mother fought to keep her. I then asked her "What's your mother like?" I hoped that she would say that her mother had fought to keep her but instead I saw tears running down her face.

"She was the most beautiful woman in all the galaxy... She loved me so much she gave her own life to let mine come into the world... I would have been so different if she was alive, I'd never have become a Jedi, I'd have probably been a twi'lek dancing girl, like her..." Erifia sighed, and she wiped away any trace of tears. "I always get like this“ she started to say then she stopped crying and continued on to say .. “have a picture, its the only part of her I have..." As she handed the picture over to me.
.
I looked at the picture and thought if only she knew what it was like to have a master as a mother she‘d wouldn‘t be so and without even thinking I mindless said "It must be hard to know that I've had all this time with my mother and you only got a picture..." …oh why did I say that? I cried out in my mind. That was almost childlike Barriss! I told myself over and over again.

I stared at Erifia as she clenched her hands into fist. Oh, no! I thought to myself, she’s going to hit me for saying that.

"And? And what? You're master is still alive... You were going to say that too?" Erifai screamed, "Weren't you?"

I stepped away from Erifia and watched as she brought her hand up a side the wall. I just stood there, waited to see if she would say anything more. When she s sat down on the bed and scooted over to a far corner and curled up into a ball. I felt my heart sink to my feet as I thought to myself, way to go.. you just lost yourself a good friend.

I knew that I had done wrong and there’s not point in hiding it. I could feel my anger get the better of me. As I waited I told myself, if she going to hit me let her. Then I felt myself break apart in the inside.

I then walked over stomping my feet as I went over to her. I could feel myself getting madder by the second.

“ERIFIA!”I yelled as my face got red with anger.

“ERIFIA!” I yelled again and without thinking I hit her hard on the side of the face. “IF YOU THINK HAVING MY MOTHER FOR A MASTER WAS A WONDERFUL… YOUR WRONG!”

Next thing I knew my knees gave out and I was on the floor crying.. "Erifia, she wasn't loving....her only real concern was that I'd make it to Jedi Knighthood....does that sound like a mother to you?" I cried as everything came out. All the years, of being her padawan and all the times I had received punishment for small things that I did wrong.

“Barriss?” Erifia asked, “Why are you crying?”

I could barely hear Erifia talking, but between my sobbing I could only make out that she was saying something but what?

My mind raced as I tried to find out what she said. But the only thoughts that were going through my mind was, she’s mad at me! My body started to violently shake as the words started to sink in. Over and over again my mind kept on repeating she’s mad at me.

I tried to calm my mind and stop my body from shaking but the more I tried the more violently my body was shaking .

“Barriss, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I could hear how worried Erifia was but when I didn’t answer her. She asked again, “Barriss, what’s wrong?”

I tried to find my voice but all I could do was ball my hand into fist and started to stuttering “I………..hit…….you……” I could feel my face getting red with shame as I continued “broke….healers code …………………sorry.” I couldn’t look her in the eyes when I said I was sorry.

“Barriss… Tell me what I did to warrant the hit… Please? I’ll never tell anyone. I promise…” Erifia quietly asked as she slowly rubbed my back.

(TBC - To Be Continued)

A little down time

2006-08-03T20:11:00.000-05:00

Your Theme Song is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

"There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves."

You haven't been feeling a lot lately, and you think that's a good thing.
The comfortable part is nice... but you should really work on numb.

What's Your Theme Song?

Jaba, did you send another bounty hunter after me? If so, could you please pay them off asap. Thanks!

As for the rest of you.. my story will continue soon as I'm able to type it all out.

Finding Kriss part 3 Kashyyyk

2006-07-27T14:11:00.000-05:00

starts here on this blog, and then
read a different view read part 3

I straped myself into the crash-webing that was attached to the seat and waited for the ship to land.

As we landed on Kashyyyk it was late in the night. As we regrouped with the others only thing that we could agree on was finding a place to sleep. Which took a little searching but we did find one place called the Wicked Wookie Inn.

Shortly after being shown our rooms that I hear some sneezing and very loudly after thirdy minutes, I might add.

Lucky for me I wasn't bunking with any of my fellow Jedis for the night. Althought it appeared that Erifia wanted to talk to me about something but she wouldn't just come out and say it.

As morning came and we regrouped and headed for the The Shaven Wookie Salon. As we stepped inside Anakin sneezed so loudly, I stated wondering if it was him that I had heard the night before.

The Wookie behind the counter turned toward us and started speaking quickly, pointing at Anakin, and making what looked like scissors.

I surprised him when I spoke back to him in his own language.

"Tell him if he comes at me with scissors he'll lose more than his hand," I heard Anakin tell me as the wookie continued to tell me what information he knew.

Then I heard Jinx say. "It's not always about you. He could have been pointing to me, you know."

I walked over to Anakin and slowly said to the group "He says he has no idea what we want. He knows nothing."

"Did you mention the porcupine guy?" asked Anakin.

I turned back and asked the question to the Wookie. And as luck would have it, he remembered someone coming in looking sort of like that and how he left a little animal behind that was stinking the place up..

"He said this... uh, thing came by a while ago. He left something when he left. A baby P'weck." I repeated what the Wookie had told me.

"A What?" Anakin asked looking a little lost.

Erifia spoke up "P'wecks are a green furred species with red feathers coming out of their heads. They come from the planet Telti, an ice planet."

"The Wookie says it's driving everyone crazy. It gets into everything," I added wondering what we were going to do with it.

"Let's see it," Anakin told me.

The Wookie happily handed the animal over to me, it was cute animal very small almost a baby would be my guess. As I walk back to the group with the animal cuddled in my arms the Wookie followed me and started to fluff Anakins' hair.

I walked over with it in my arms, the Wookie following. He stands next to Anakin and starts trying to fluff his hair. Anakin looked a littled annoyed by this but didn't say anything as we all stared down at the P'weck in my arms.

I don't think any of us were ready for what happened next the P'weck looked up at Anakin and said "Momma?"

I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was surprised by this and as I looked at the faces of the other I knew that it didn't just take me by surprise but all of us.

"I'm going to ignore that," Anakin muttered. "I guess we're off to Telti. I hope you guys packed your ski gear."

"Momma?" Wings start flapping as it tryed to struggling out of my arms and into Anakins' arms!

As we disbanded and went to our ships I heard Jinx say "Awe, isn't that cute! It's wants it's mommy!"

Anakin stated "I heard that!" as a dirty look crossed his face.

Finding Kriss part 2 (I miss my friend!)

2006-07-27T02:14:00.000-05:00

starts here on this blog, and then
And to read a different point of view go here

I looked at Erifia and wondered how she would be able to hold her tongue as I talked to this person but somehow I hope that she'd be able to manage.

I quickly walked up to this person "Excuse me!" I quickly started to state as this person turned towards me. It seen to me that everything started to slow down for no reason, then I called to Erifia 'Somethings not right here!' as I gathered my wits, and the force around me like a blanket.

Whoever was asking Becca questions, turn towards the sound of my voice but when she saw us comming towards her. She turned and started running away quickly. I felt like I was sitting on the sidelines watching this person fleeing from us without reason.

I could feel someone hand on my elbow "Don't you dare pass out on me now!" Erifia stated as her eyes sweeped the area. I wasn't sure what she was looking for, maybe it's it was the way she was trained I told myself as I slowly started to turn toward her ship and got my first good look at Becca.

She looks scared I told myself as I slowly scanned the ship with my eyes looking for any notice able changes to the outside of the ship. Nothing out of place there, I noted to myself as Erifia helped Becca to her feet.

"We should get going to Kashyyyk. Force knows what's in store for us there." Erifia quickly stated this as a reminder to me that we should get out of here as so as possible.

We entered the ship but before we got much futher up the loading ramp, I turned to Erifia and said "If you have medical area on this ship. If it's ok with you, I'd like to use to."

*hours later*

I ran several blood test as I could and sat back and waited for the results.

"I don't know, she's been in there all this time and hasn't said two words." loudly cryed Becca.

"She'll come back out when she has her answers, she usually does." frankly stated Erifia.

*half hour later*

Tears fill my eyes as I read the results.

"Barriss!" I hear Erifia calling me from the nearest speaker box.

I pressed a side button "Yes, Erifia. What is it?" I asked wondering what could be wrong.

"We'll be landing on Kashyyyk in a few minutes." she states and then silence fills the room.

Finding Kriss The Back Story Part 1

2006-07-04T07:48:00.000-05:00

Starts here on Erifia's blog, and starts here on this blog, and then
continues here on Skywalker's blog.

"Where does this clue lead us?" I asked and started think over where this new information would lead us to.

"Not a lot to go on," Erifia tossed in as her eyes scanned the area.

I looked over at Erifia wondering if she had noticed something and wasn't telling us. Or just being Erifia looking out for the group even when we're in a safe location.

Anakin smiled and stated. "Think about it. Where would a Wookie get a haircut? The Shaven Wookie Salon on Kashyyyk!"

How he ever figured that out, I'll never know.

Looking at Erifia told me that she was even impressed by Anakin's knowledge.

As we disband and went to our ships, I wondered why Erifia was being silent. When we got closer to her ship, we both noticed that we weren't alone anymore.

"Where are Jedis Erifia Apoc, and Barriss Offee" asked very upset voice.

"I don't know...they left and I stayed with the ship." answered Becca.

Erifia grapped for her lightsabers and I ran to get between her and whoever was talking to Becca.

'I know that voice,' I told her through the force. 'It won't be wise to rush up to her with our lightsabers activated. Unless you really want to be in front of the council explaining why, for I do not want that and neither should you. Just let me do the talking and follow my lead.' I begged her through the force.

Sadly I could see Erifia refusing my advise but she took it almost as if she knew that there was more there then just what we could see or feel through the force. 'I won't... But be prepared, I'm ready for a fight,' she told me, using the same mind tap I was using.

I was shooked by her words and by the weight they carried with them.

As we approached the ship in silence, we could see a lone figure standing over Becca.

I could feel the anger and hate roll of Erifia 'I don't like the way this looks...not at all!'

'Who is this woman and why is she yelling at Becca?' as she angryly yelled at me through the force.

I both stopped a few yards from the ship and stopped Erifia with a wave of my arm. Before I allowed myself to go to the ship, I went deeply into the force to see if Becca was hurt and maybe get an idea of who this person is and how she knows of us. As my mind linked with Becca, I found her to be frighten by this person but not hurt. As for the other woman, I realized right away that she was another Jedi, but I couldn't place a name with the force signuature that I felt.

'Calm yourself Erifia, Becca's not hurt just upset. I've seen and heard this woman back at the temple, many of times and so have you.' I calmly called back hoping she'd cool off a little before we got any closer to them.

A look of wonder crossed Erifia's face as she quietly asked "You mean to tell me she's another Jedi Knight?"

"Yes, can't you feel her force signuature?" I quietly asked back.

"Yes, but I thought she was a dark Jedi, or worse a Sith Lord." A look of hate crossed Erifia face as she said that.

TBC

Troubled Waters

2006-06-13T14:33:00.000-05:00

I walked up the council chambers and saw a note that stated that all meetings with the council have been canceled and will resume within one weeks time.

As I turned and walked away I came face to face with Erifia "If you have a meeting with the council, it's been canceled" I lightly stated.

She looked shocked by the news and was about to walk away when I asked her "How about we go for a walk, just the two of us?"

We walked a great distance before she realized where we where heading "Please, don't make me go," Erifia quickly said to me. We were near the base of sea overhang, Erifia looked up, and turned away quickly, trying to walk past me.

"But you have to" as I blocked Erifia way. Wondering if she still was afraid of the one place that she should feel most at peace.

Erifia turned and looked up the hill. She began to shake and then she took a very shaky step forwards.

I place my hand on Erifia shoulder and calmly say "I'm here with you now, just like I was that day. You must face it now, or it will destroy you."

"I know...." Erifia began to walk up the hill, each step I noticed was becoming more and more painful for her to take. "Barriss," Eriria called out.

Noticing that Erifia was shaking like a leaf, I went to her and slowly and quietly repeatedly said "It's ok. I'm here with you." As I used the force to calm the strom that started to grow in her mind before she continued on up the hill.

I followed Erifia to the top and stood back and watched as she ran her fingers along the lettering on the tombstone, Jedi Master Gerith Gwin, Friend, Master and Father. I wondered if she even knew who had ordered and placed the tombstone there in for her. My thoughts stopped as I hear her start cry and say, "Barriss...... Its all my fault......"

I walked up to Erifia and placed my right hand on Erifia's shoulder and slowly without crying said "No Erifia, it's not your fault. Each life and each death is all part of the force." as my tears slowly start to fall.

"I was too weak," Erifia cried, "I couldn't fight off the infection...... I didn't know...... He was my friend, he was my master, and he was the only family I ever had......."

"You were not weak, Erifia." I state as I slowly wipe away my tears. "At the time, you were not trained as a healer." I hugged Erifia and quietly said "I've always thought of you as a sister."

"But.... But...." She began to sob on my shoulder, "But my body gave up, its all my fault, I killed my master...." As she fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

"Oh, Erifia!" I sadly state as I sit down next to her. "Your body may have given up but you are not at fault for his death nor did you kill him."

"But, he could have blocked," Erifia had relapsed, "I threw it at Aayla.... I did, she was there... He...He... Its not my fault..... Its Aayla's fault..... She made me sick... She cut me... I didn't see him.... I saw her... And...." Erifia began to hyperventilate, "I... It wasn't my fault.... I... My... She was there. Barriss, you believe me, I threw it at Aayla...... You believe me right?"

Sensing the deep well of despair that Erifia was in, I hugged her. "Yes, Erifia I do believe you." as I started to slowly rubbing her back.

"You believe me?" Erifia questionly asked of me, "Actually believe me?"

I look directly into her eyes and calmly say "Yes, Erifia I do believe you."

"But I did do it... didn't I?" Erifia asked, "I did kill him. He has to hate me too.."

I thought over her words letting her to get as much of her chest as possible. "No, Erifia you didn't kill him." I calmly state "He could never hate you, he was you master."

"But I threw my saber, and even if I thought it was Aayla, it hit him...." Erifia said then asked "Accident?"

"Yes, Erifia it was accident." I calmly stated. I hoped that she come to terms with the past that she could not change. "But what happened here was more then just accident it was the will of the force."

"Yes..." Erifia said, "I think it was... Thank you, so much. You've always been there for me, and it must seem like I hate you sometimes, I'm sorry, you're my closest friend."

"Your welcome Erifia. It's alright, I let your hate roll of my back because I knew that you needed me." I said calmly and wondered how many countless times I had let her hate just roll like water off my back.

"I do care for you, and I care for you a lot. I'm sorry, I understand I am pretty impossible to deal with," Erifia smiled, it was the first time I've seen her smile in a long time, "Do you think he would be proud of me?"

"And I care for you. There's no need to be sorry for grief, it's natural." I smile back, look directly into her eyes "Yes, I do feel that he'd be very proud of you."

I stood back and watched as Erifia took out two lightsaber and place them on top of the her masters tombstone, "I hope these two will make up for your one," Erifia said speaking to the stone as if he was really there with us, "Its saved me a lot.. And" I watched as the tears gently dropped from her eyes, "Thanks. " as she looked at me, "I think I'm ready to go."

I gentely take Erifia right hand and give it a gentle squeeze "Yes, let's go"

"Thanks again, I owe you much. I'll make up for it one day, I promise... I owe you my life," Erifia said with a smiled, and hugged me, "I'll give you a ride back to the temple?" she asked.

I hugged her back and said warmly "Your welcome Erifia. I know you will." Feeling a pull in force "No, not the temple. I'm needed else where."

"Name it, I can take you anywhere as long as its not past Langoria," Erifia said with a smile, "And a lot quicker than you could imagine."

A worried look crosses my face "I'm need to get to a pub called Moe's on Tatoonie." I state as my voice breaks. "Please do so, I don't think there's much time."

I watched as her ship appeared in front of us, "I can have you there in an hour, maybe forty five minutes." The door opened, on the old bronze and rusty looking ship, "It's actually like brand new, it was built to look old." she entered, waiting for me before she leapt to the steering wheel.

"Ok, lets go." I state as I follow Erifia inside and started to center myself with the force. Hoping that Erifia didn't see how worried I was.

Erifia sat down at the wheel, and shot through the atmosphere, at a great speed, "Tatooine," she told the computer, "Computed," it responded. "Barriss, to ease your nerve, have a seat and press the green button."

I followed Erifia instructions and sat down in the chair that she was pointing at. "Are you sure that you want me to push the green button?" I asked not sure why she'd want me to do so.

Erifia laughed, and said, "Yes, trust me, push the green button." then she turned and spoke in the com link, "Becca, make sure my tauntaun is okay, and buckle up."

"Ok!" I said as I nodded and gently pressed the green button.

The ship kicked in all of its thrusters, and we traveled past hyperspace, stars and meteors looked like lines, and worlds flew by so quickly. "We're going to be there a lot faster than I imagined. I always hit the red button before," Erifia laughed a little and and for a little bit did lighten the mood.

I quickly glanced worriedly at Erifia and wondered what she meant by that. "Are you sure it was a good idea to press the green button?" Being very mindful of the present.

"I'm never sure it's a good idea to do anything," Erifia responded, as the slip slowed down, and began to shake violently, "See?" She said, "We're here already. Mos Eisley?" I looked at Tatooine, wondering why there was such a pull for me to come to this place.

"Somehow I know that to be true, but not about you." I state thinking about all the times others have said the same thing to me. I could feel the worry and fear come crashing towards me as we make our way desend on Tatooine.

Waves of worry and fear crashing down all around me.. After pinpointing who, I called out with the force, calm yourself Anakin...help is coming. I could barely hear Erifia talking but nodded as I slowly climped out of the chair and followed her out the ship.

"Barriss, come to, who is here, who needs help?" Erifia asked me directly.

"Erifia, it's Anakin who needs help. But his thoughs are confusing, something about Kriss and missing. I'm not sure." I slowly stated as I slowly tried to center myself again.

I troubled thoughts left me feeling disconnected and far away for others. I let Erifia take the lead as I followed closely behind her. My thoughts cleared as I stood face to face with Anakin Skywalker.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" I asked and waited for his reply.

See Erifia's blog for her point of view.
See Anakin's blog for his point of view.

Thanks Erifia for everything!

Memory (part 1)

2006-06-02T14:00:00.000-05:00

I was going throught some old data files, when I found a data file that brought a smile to my face.

It was about a year and half after Anakin join the order, we ( Erifia, Kriss, Anakin, Aayla, and myself) had found ourselves placed in a small clan. As to why, I still don't fully understand but I don't question the will or wisdom of the council.

If I remember correctly it was the first class as a group that we all were in the same room for the first time. That's when fighting started between Erifia and Aayla. I don't really remember why but I think it had something do with Erifia third Lekku.

I don't remember a think a day since then that Erifia and Aayla could be seen or heard fighting over something or other.

Then there was quiet Kriss, and and for some reason just knew how to sit back watch all of this and not step in and try to stop them from hurting each other.

Plus there was Anakin, who'd try just about everything he knew to make Erifia and Aayla stop fighting. When that didn't work he start yelling in a strange language. I think that only stopped them once. At one time he said me that the language was Huttese.

It was durring Erifia and Aayla's that Master Windu, came running in to the room and firmly yelled "Younglings! Stop this fighting right now!"

The room became dead quite as Master Windu looked at all of us and calmly said "Be glade that I'm not your teacher. But as of this moment, you are all required to make a complete list of what you think is involved in Jedi training."

Here's what we turned in as a group!

WISDOM & Inner peace
Teaching the students to meditate, use the force to calm themselve, not use the dark side, ect. Teahing them to become good, wise, natural leaders, above all else.

FORCE POWERS
Telekenisis, telepathy, mind tricks, ect. All the cool tricks that Jedi can use with the Force, plus teaching them about it's nature, so that they can continue to improvise and use the Force in new and original ways.

LIGHTSABER COMBAT
This is obviously important, as a Jedi is expected to be ready for a fight at a moment's notice, with his lightsaber always slung at his side.

HAND TO HAND/MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTING
engaging in hand to hand combat with or without his/her light saber

LINGUISTICS
A Jedi should be versed in several languages, if he is to operate efficiently as a peacekeepr and a mediator throughout the galaxy.

MECHANICAL SKILLS
It seems to me that Jedi always seem to know their way around an engine room. This makes sense, since they have to do a lot of space travel. Plus they have to build their own lightsabers.

WISDOM
Teaching the students to meditate, use the force to calm themselve, not use the dark side, ect. Teahing them to become good, wise, natural leaders, above all else.

FORCE POWERS
Telekenisis, telepathy, mind tricks, ect. Al the cool tricks that Jedi can use with the Force, plus teaching them about it's nature, so that they can continue to improvise and use the Force in new and original ways.

OK, but at the end of their training they must pass the Trials. These are four tests that force them to show what they have learned. There is the Trial of Skill, Trial of Flesh, Trial of Courage, and Trial of the Spirit.

A Jedis Training revolves around one thing and only one thing, the Will of the Force.

All these other things that have been stated are the Sentients admonishments to what they believe a Jedi should be. Each jedi is different, some cannot express certain abilities like Telekinesis, (AKA Corran Horn), so making it a requirment of his/her training would be not only cruel, but an undue punishment.

These things were done for thousands of years and the Jedi did not grow, nor did the Jedi learn. So perhpas, instead of training the Jedi, it made them stagnate into a complacent Order. Their training served them as a whole to handicap them.

Another thing they study is the Jedi Code.

I'm pretty sure that it involves carrying your master on your back through a jungle.
But that may be just for advanced students. Or for really small masters

I pity the man who learns from a Hutt Jedi then

If I remember correctly, Anakin wrote these last two down.

It took us about two weeks nonstop to write this list (while Erifia and Aayla fighting over the wording towards the end). Then nearly another week for any one of us to become friends or much less stand in the same room for an hour.

I miss you!

2006-05-21T15:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry but in the last few months I've noticed alot of bloggers have left their blogs and for whatever their reasons may be. I just wanted to let them to know that I (along with many others) miss them.

Slipped Away By Avril Lavigne

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Nah nah la la la nah nah

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

By the way I'm back!

Song!? Visions!?

2006-04-21T13:50:00.000-05:00

I finished all of the paper work, then I turned on my IPOD and slowly walked over to a small book shelf and looked for a book to read.

I selected a very old leather bound edition to read and walked to my easy chair.

It wasn't long before a song (Reel - Never Had To Knock On Wood) came on my IPOD that I started to have visions that really hard understand why this song was causing these visions. (Here let me show you, a few of the visions.)

Have you ever been close to tragedy, Or been close to folks who have.

Have you ever felt a pain so powerful, So heavy you collapse.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has.

Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood.

And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get.

Have you ever had the odds stacked up so high, You need a strength most don't possess.

Or has it ever come down to do or die, You've got to rise above the rest.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has.

Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood.

And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has, Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood, And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good.

That's the impression that I get.

I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested.

I'd like to think that if I was, I would pass.

Look at the tested and think there but for the grace go, I might be a cowards,
I'm afraid of what I might find out.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has.

Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood.

And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has, Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood, And I'm glad I haven't yet.

Because I'm sure it isn't good, That's the impression that I get.

I've been tagged

2006-04-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

I got back to my room and found this tag from Jaina Solo in a stack of homework that Master Luminara left on my desk for me to do.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
Youngling
Padawan.
Jedi Knight
Healer

Four Places You've lived:
Coursant
Mirial
Ilum
Drongar

Four T.V. Shows You Love To Watch:
Big Brother Naboo.
Survivor Tatooine.

Four Places You've been on Holiday:
Mirial
Endor
Felucia
Ilum

Four Blogs You Visit Every Day:
Master Yoda
Vampirella
Vegeta
and anyone else who's on my medial files list

Four Of Your favorite Foods:
Bantha Burger
Blue Milk

Four Places You'd Rather Be:
Mirial
Mediating
visiting with Master Luminara
visiting with Jedi Katt

Four C.Ds You Can't Live Without.
C.D!? What's that?
I have an ipod does that count?

Four Vehicles You've Owned:
The Jedi code doesn't allow us to own vehicles

People To Be Tagged:
I believe everyone has done this so no one.

the end and a new beginning

2006-04-11T01:07:00.000-05:00

first part.
second part
third part

They must have been use to the sound of the door opening because no one turned towards the sound at first. Then Master Luminara looked over and gently said "Barriss!" Right when she said my name the room when quite and everyone was looking over at me.

"Yes Master." I gently said.

Master Luminara Unduli walked towards me and stopped a few feet in front of me.

We bowed to each other, then Master Luminara walked up and hugged me. While she held me, she whispered "You don't know how happy I am to see you up and about like this." Then she stepped back and smiled at me. I smiled back to her and started wondering what was going on.

It was at this time that the hoverlift door open and out walked Master Yoda . "Sorry to break up this reunion I am. But talk to Barriss I must." He slowly stated as he looked at Master Luminara.

"Of course" My master said as she turned allowing me to walk past her.

I walked up to Master Yoda and followed him onto the hoverlift leaving my master standing there in the waiting room.

I followed Master Yoda off the hoverlift and walked with him until we reached the main chambers for the Jedi council. The room was poorly light when we enter, my eyes slowly adjusted as I kept walking toward the center of the room.

"Barriss the council and I have been talking for the last few hours." Master Yoda slowly stated and waited for my response.

"Master if this has anything to do with Harvey . I stated as I slowly started to explain myself.

Master Yoda looked at me and stated "that is one, among other things."

I stood there waiting for Master Yoda to continue.

"Master Luminara and this council both agree, most important." Master Yoda slowly stated and continued "Give you the title of Jedi Knight, this council does."

I was shocked at first and then slowly said "Thank you Master Yoda. I'll do my best to make this council proud of me."

"Sure that you will, we are." Master Yoda stated. "Speak to you tomorrow the council will. An assignment we have for you. May the force be you with you Barriss."

I bowed and walked towards the door feeling like I had found something that was lost.

When I got to the door and opened it I found Master Luminara waiting for me.

She smiled a knowing smile and said "I'm very happy for you Barriss."

"Thank you master." I said.

We walked to the hoverlift together and I thought to myself this will be the last time we'll be together like this for a long time.

Part 8 - Freedom

2006-04-09T00:22:00.000-05:00

Starts here.
continued from here

I slowly stood up and followed the healer to the refresher.

"Oh!" was I all I could say before I nearly passed out from walking a few feet.

"Easy does it. We don't want you to pass out on us again and causing Master Luminara Unduil more worry and grief ." The healer lightly said with a look of worry in her eyes. "Maybe I should have brought a hover chair with me." She frankly stated as she already knew that I was about to pass out from walking a short distance.

"No, I'm fine. Let's just get there and get this over with." I stated and thought to myself, if Master Luminara could see me the way I was acting she'd be very disappointed in me!

The healer looked at me with a look of surprise on her face. Then she slowly took my arm and helped me along to the refresher.

When we got to the refresher, I was wide awake and able to keep my balance on my own.

The healer set the refresher and said "Are you going to be able to do this on your own, correct?"

"Yes" I lightly said and waited for her to continue.

"Alright then, I'll go get a towel and your clothes while your in the refresher. I shouldn't be more then a 15 minutes." She said as she waited for me to reply.

"That's fine." I said and waited for her to leave.

After she had left, took off the gown that I had been wearing and walked in to the refresher.

(15 minutes pass)

"Barriss are you alright." The healer called out as she returned.

"Yes, I'm ok." I answered her back.

"Good!." The healer happily stated. "Barriss, I need to care for another patent so I'm going to set your clothes over here on the bench and your towel is hanging on the towel bar for you to use. Once you are dressed please leave the door a jar so I know you are done."

"Ok' I called out as I heard her leave the room.

Just as the door closed behind the healer, I felt a very faint disturbance in the force. My first that it was nothing. Just someone playing a prank on NandeHI. But then the disturbance hit me with full force.

"Vampi!" I cried out, as I realize to whom it was centered around. I lightly fell to my knees as the disturbance kept getting stronger and stronger.

It was about that time when the healer who had left me in the refresher had returned. "Barriss, did you fall? Are you hurt?" She called out as she grabbed the towel from the bar and rushed over to help me.

I slowly stood up very slowly and said "No, I'm fine! I just slipped that's all." Then took the towel as she handed it to me.

The healer just raised one eyebrow as if she was going to ask a questioning my response.

"Well then, I'll be right outside if you need me." she lightly stated and turned and walked slowly out of the room.

I heard the door close firmly as I walked over to the bench.

I patted myself dry and slowly started getting dressed with the clothing that she had left for me to wear. Although it was one of my usual outfits, it was very baggy in places that it shouldn't have been.

After several attempts, I finally got the belt short enough to work, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, if this is the best I can do till I get back to my room.

Thanksfully, my cloak hide gathers of material from view.

I slowly worked on my hair, braiding it very slowly and keeping each braid straight. When I was done with my hair, I could finally place my skill cape back on my head, and then flipped my cloaks hood over it.

Then I used the force to gentle open the door for the healer as I went and stood by the bench as the healer entered the room.

"Barriss, would you like for me to help you with your hair?" as the healer came into the room stopped dead in her tracks as two small red dots appeared quickly and then disappeared just as fast from her face. "Oh sorry!" She exclaimed.

"Well, then are you ready to go?" the she quicky asked.

"Yes, I am!" I stated as I started to thinking to myself great now where to?

The followed the healer out of the refresher and down a short hallway to a door. She stopped and looked over at me.

"This is where I leave you Barriss. May the force be with you." she lightly said with a smile

I smiled back and gently said "Thank you, and may the force be with you as well."

She nodded and waited as I opened the door and walked into the room.

The sight before me was one I don't think I'll forget for a long time. On one side of the room was Master Lminara being comforted by Tolk and on the other side was Jos, Uli, and I-Five.

They must have been use to the sound of the door opening because no one turned towards the sound at first. Then Master Luminara looked over and gently said "Barriss!" Right when she said my name the room when quite and everyone was looked over at me.

Part 7 - Hours Later!

2006-03-31T23:20:00.000-06:00

Continued from here.

Don't know how long I slept but when I woke up Master Luminara was there waiting to talk to me.

"Barriss?" My Master said as she held my hand.

"Hmm" as I tried to find my voice "Yes Master!" I slowly said as I opened my eyes.

"Lunch will be here soon and so will Healer Dimon. She wants to talk to you before you leave today." Master Luminara said as I sat up in bed.

"Leave, Master?" I asked with a little worry in my voice.

"Yes, your healed enough to go back to your own room here at the temple. And in a few days time maybe go back to classes!" My master started as she looked me over. It was almost as if this would be the last time that we would be together.

"Master is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, Barriss nothing is wrong. It's just that you have a meeting with the Jedi council tomorrow." Master Luminara said with a look of sadness in her eyes.

"Am I going to be punished for healing Harvey?" I slowly asked.

My Master looked at me and smiled "No, I don't think that's why they want to see you for."

"Oh!?" was all I could say when one of the healers walked into the ward with a single tray of food. She walked straight up to my bed as she set the tray down on a side table, and asked " Well, how are you feeling today Barriss?" and then went and stood behind my master as I answered her question.

"A little tired but I feel fine!" I said as I sat up and talk to the healer.

"Master Luminara, could you please wait in the waiting room while Barriss and I talk over a few things." the healer asked with a smile on her face.

"Of course!" My master said as she took my hand and lightly squeezed it before leaving.

"Barriss, I'm Healer Dimon! I'm here to ask you a few question about what happened last night." Healer Dimon said calmly and with a small knowing smile on her face.

I nodded and gently said "Did I do something wrong last night?"

"No, you did not do anything wrong." said the healer "I'd just like for you to tell me what happened last night so that when I make my report to the council I will have all the information that I need."

"Of course!" I said and started to explain the event from last night to her. "Well, it all started when Harvey was laying in his own bed crying because he was in pain. This was right after NandeHI had left to go look for a healer to help Harvey. I told him I would sit with him until a healer would come, but I used the force and found out that he had three broken bones." I shook my head and continued talking. "I also used a calming effect that was taught in class to calm him, and it also but him to sleep. After which I just let the force take over from there until the curtain was pulled back."

The healer just sat there with a smile on her face. "Healer Dimon, did I do something to Harvey?"

Healer Dimon smiled and said " No, Barriss! You did something that most padawans can not do without years of training. And it just was a suprise to healers that where there last night that you had gotten up and helped Harvey without the use of Bantha patch to ease his pain as well."

"Here!" She said with a smile as she wheeled the tray of food closer to the bed. "I didn't bring this all the way in here and not have you eat while I was here."

"Thank you" I lightly said.

"Well for now Barriss I must be going and work on this report for the council. I also have to visit with your Master for a few minutes." Her smile would light up her face and she spoke. "After which you should be prepared to leave soon after. I hope that we'll be able to talk again really soon."

I smiled at her and watched as she left the healing unit. How odd for this healer to think that I'll be back to talk to her. I thought to myself as I ate the meal that she left for me to eat.

About a half of an hour passed before another healer walked into the unit.

"Ah, good. I see that you are done with your meal." The healer said as she moved the tray to a side table.

"May I ask, why are you here?" I asked.

"I'm here to help you get ready to leave healing ward today." The healer said with a look of excitement in her eyes. "But before we do anything else, I want to talk to you about why you where here in the healing ward in the first place."

I nodded and she continued on talking "Well, I know that you've been told that you originally passed out due to the heat stroke that was caused by high setting of the heat in the temple." She smiled and continued, "And to why you passed out this last time. Well, a research team has found a tampered bottle that was placed in the refresher. That bottle came from a resort on the plant of Anison. To say the least, it looks like someone is out to kill all of the Jedi." I almost didn't hear the last part, due to the fact that the healer said it so quietly.

"Did you just say that someone is out to kill all of the Jedi?" I quickly asked.

"Yes, I did." she lightly said as if she didn't want to upset me.

"You won't know anything about how that bottle got there?" She asked as she looked directly into my eyes and waited for me to answer.

"No, I do not." I lightly said and kept eye contact as I spoke to her.

"I didn't think you did but still I had to ask for the record." She stated flatly.

"I understand" I fired back. I was getting upset just sitting on the bed not doing anything that would get me out of healing ward any faster.

"Well, then lets get started by getting you into a refresher and dressed to leave." The healer said with a smile.

"Ok." I said and thought if this is how the rest of my day goes it's not going to be any fun.

"Come now, we haven't got all day." The healer stated as if she was joking.

Part 6 - Harvey (Let's try this again!)

2006-03-30T12:00:00.000-06:00

This story is a cross over.. to read more or to catch up with the story go here .. Master Luminara's Blog

I could hear the privacy curtain being pulled close as I tried to open my eyes. I could barely get my eyes open in time to see who had been in to check on me.

I vaguely remember that Master Luminara was holding my hand for some time. Maybe it was her leaving!? Or maybe it was just one of the healers checking my vitals? My thoughts just barely pierced my sleep driven mind awake.

Suddenly my eye lids felt like they were heavy steel doors, closing very slowly as sleep quickly but ever so quietly took over my body.

(Hours pass)

I woke up to the sound of someone crying in the bed next to me.

"Calm down, Harvey! You'll wake the other patents with all this crying!" gentley said a female voice that I finaly recognizied the voice to belong to NandeHI, the temple's nanny.

"It hurts!" wailed Harvey as tears streaked down his face, "It really, really hurts!"

"Hmph! warned you not pet wookie inside, I did!" Recognised the voice to belonging to Master Yoda, as he firmly scolded Harvey.

I could hear the worry in NandeHI voice as she asked Master Yoda " Shouldn't the healer be here by now?"

"Be here, a healer should."frankly stated Master Yoda "Go see where the healer is, I will."

I could hear his cane hitting the floor as he left the unit, as Harvey started moaning in pain.

(several Minutes pass)

NandeHI started pacing around the room and started talking to anyone who would listen "Where is he? I thought he was coming right back!"

I could hear Harvey moaning as NandeHI lightly said "Now, now Harvey I go see where the healer is, but you just stay right here and don't move until I come back."

(Minutes ticked away like hours)

Harvey continued to moan even louder as the time slowly passed by. I can't sleep with all this noise that he's making!

"It's alright Harvey." I barely said over a whisper. "Your not the only one in pain."

Harvey continued to cry out in pain as I was talking to him.

"But my arm really hurts!" his voice cracking with sobs as he tried to calm himself down for my sake.

I used the force to check for other injures as I sat up in bed. Since no one else is going to care for this boy, then I will.

I about ready to swing my feet to the floor when Harvey started crying louder and louder in pain.

"Harvey!" I moaned and lightly said "It's alright, I come over and stay with you until the healer comes."

I went to swing my feet to the floor as Harvey cryed out. "Please just make the pain stop!"

"I'll do what I can but you have to calm down, Harvey." I said calmly and tryed to keep Harvey calm and happy as I could.

I pulled the privacy curtain that seperated the two of us, and got my first look of Harvey laying in bed holding his left arm close to his body and his face was red from crying.

"Are you one of the healers?" Harvey looked at me with a questioning look in his eyes.

"No, but I'm training to be one." I stated calmly.

I looked around quickly and saw that the stool for visiters was over on the other side of Harvey's bed. Using the force, I moved the stool around the bed and sat down on it.

Using the force, I gently took the pain Harvey was in away so that I could hold his arm and find out why it was hurting him so. Using a calming effect that I had been taught in class, I calmed Harvey down so that he could sleep while I sat watch over him. And it wasn't long before Harvey was asleep and I could touch his arm and find out why he was in so much pain.

I gently touched Harvey arm and the force showed me that he had broken his arm but not in one place but three different places. Poor kid!

Very gently and carefully I reset each of the breaks with the force. It was a very slow process and took me several hours to complete. But when I was done, I reliazed that Harvey and I weren't alone.

In fact, the curtain had been pulled back and standing there was Master Yoda, NandeHI, and one of the healers. I didn't see these three at first, in fact I was looking over their shoulders and directly into the face of my master. She didn't look to happy to see me out of bed, much less happy that I was helping another with their medical needs. I know, I should have just stayed in bed! But that's not what my medical training taught me to do!

My mind raced as I relaized that there was more then just Master Luminara standing in the room.

When I looked in to the faces of the other 3 that where standing there.. I saw and felt with the force their disbelieve and disaprovable in what I was doing out of bed!

One of the healers come up along side me and looked down at Harvey's arm. A smile appeared as he said with suprise " That's the first time anyone ever has done that without the use of batha pack to ease pain."

Master Yoda turned and said to my master "Talk now we must, Master Luminara." With a nod from my Master I sat and watch as the two of them left the healing ward together.

I started to stand and go back to my own bed when NandeHI looked at me and asked " Now where do you think your going?"

"Back to bed! I'm not needed here anymore, and I should get some rest tonight."I stated and nodded to the healer to take over as I slowly walked back to my bed, closing the curtain behind me and got back into my bed.

Part 6 Harvey part 1

2006-03-30T10:33:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: I'm having some problems this blogger this morning! I hope that I can get my post up some time today!

Oh, need to post something

2006-03-24T14:00:00.000-06:00

Well, readers I sorry for not posting but I do have something for you all to read and it can be located here at Master Luminara blog!

I'll be back next week with a really long post till then enjoy!

And whoever paid for this bounty hunter Sing to find me and have me post, please pay her the reminding amount due! Thanks!

Part 5 ??

2006-03-10T11:36:00.000-06:00

Sleep!! She wants me to rest while she goes off and faces who knows what on Kashyyyh!

I sat up and tossed the blankets off of me as I prepared to get out of the bed. Oh, my!

I swayed as I tried to stand. How long have I been out? And when was the last time that I ate anything?

Using the force to steady myself as I made my way to the refresher.

And wouldn't you know it at the same time I get to the refresher I hear the outer door open and in walked Tolk calling out in a worried voice "Barriss, what do you think you are doing!?"

"Getting up, and out of this room!" I said, determinted I was not going to let anyone stop me from leaving and finding Master Luminara Unduli.

"I can't let you do that, Barriss!" Tolk said in a worried voice.

"Can't or won't?" I asked back. In the back of my mind I could hear Master Yoda saying, "Do or do not, there is no try."

Tolk turned red and slowly yet gently said "Both, I can't let you go outside of this room without someone there to help you. And I won't let you go with Master Luminara!"

"Well, then you better go find someone then, because I'm not staying in this room one minute longer then need be." I lightly stated as I continued to the refresher.

I programned the refresher and waited for the water to start running. Then I stepped in to the refresher and as the water hits my body, my eyes start to cloud up and I feel myself lightly fall to the floor.

(Weeks Later)

I awoke in one of bacta tanks.... where am I? what's happening to me? How did I get here?

I could barely hear the sound of my own tanks alarms going off.

I start to panic when I couldn't use the force to get myself out of the tank. What's wrong with me?

I must have passed out for a few minutes, becasue the next thing I know I'm laying on a medical bed near one of the tank and looking down at me is one of the jedi healers.

My whole body was riddled with pain.

"You had us worried the for some time, Padawan Barrriss" lightly said jedi healer. "It's been touch and go for a few weeks." he looked right into my eyes and said "We almost lost you twice durring that time."

I was in so much pain that it even hurt to talk. I tryied to speak but the healer just looked down at me and said, "No, don't try to speak Padawan Barrriss, just try to rest for now."

I could feel my eyelids getting heaver and heaver as he was speaking to me.

Part 4 - The Truth (sort of!)

2006-03-02T13:50:00.000-06:00

While I was thinking over what I had read in my own medical chart, I gently and slowly brought my knees to my chest, and wrapped my arms around my legs, so it would appeared to anyone who was looking in as thought I was curling myself up into a ball.

Then, I placed my chin on my knees, as I started working myself into a meditative state. My eyes, for the most part, I allowed to become unfocused as I started to slow my breathing down. Slowly in and slowly out.

Mostly I stayed curled up and was meditaiting for several hours.

I didn't hear the door the open, or that my Master Luminara Unduli was standing at side of my bed looking at directly at me with questioning look on her face.

"Barriss, are you alright?" My master softly asked.

"Go away" I screaming throu the force.

"Barriss, I will not go away!" My master sternly said.

As if by the will of the force or an old memory that never truely was washed away by time, I saw myself as a very small child (maybe a year or a little older) being held by a much younger Master Luminara Unduli only I was calling her ma ma.

Tears fell gently from my eyes as I softly said "Mother!"

Then I slowly turned my face towards my master, I noticed that shook and horror written all over on her face.

"Barriss!" My master said with great disbelieve. "What did you just call me?"

I realised my mistake at once "I'm sorry Master." I said with much distress. (But was I mistaken?)

Had I just seen the past, and now know do I know the truth? Was my master reaction enough to tell me the truth? Is she really my mother? I asked myself over and over as we just sat there staring at each other.

Tears filled my eyes until I couldn't see.

"Barriss, what is it? What's wrong?" My master softly yet worried asked. My master must have noticed that I was on that nearly to the point of tears.

"Master, are you my mother?" I said as my voice cracked with sobs.

At first I thought my master was going to refuse telling me, but then I noticed a small beacon of hope shining in her eyes like stars the first appear at night. As a single tear roled down my master face, she gently and lightly said "Yes Barriss, I am your mother." And then she gently hugged me.

I couldn't stop the tears of joy and sorrow from flowing down my face.

Just as I started to say something to my master, the door to my room opened and in walked a uniformed officer of the Republic marched in and annunced that "Ma'am, we're entering Kashyyk system."

"Thank you Private." My master said in an offical tone. Then without saying another word the private turned on his heels and left my room.

"Master, why are we stopping at Kashyyk system?" I gently asked. At that exact moment looking into my master eyes was like looking into two blue pools of water without a bottom.

"Master!?" I worried asked. Then I felt a disturbance in the force, it was almost like someone had taken a cold metal sword and driven it through my body like waves crashing on the shore. Bringing with it the feelings of regret, fear, dread, anger, anxiety, and sadness.

"Barriss, we're going to Kashyyk system because of a holo-beacon from Commando Rage that that we recieved a few hours ago." My master stated with a light sigh. I nodded as I reflectived on the disturbance in the force and then allowed the information pour like a waterfall from my master and waited for her to continue.

Then Master Luminara gentlely said" Barriss, from what I have been told Dr. Divini is taking care of your patients at the temple." Uli! My thoughts swayed away from what my master was saying to he'll never make it as one who has to work in an office. But then again maybe he could.

"I must go now and see to the landing party." my master said with sad look in her eyes. "While I'm gone, you may want to take the time to rest until I return."

(TBC) Sorry for the delay.

Part 3- Waiting

2006-02-22T10:00:00.000-06:00

While I waited for Master Luminara Unduli to come back to the room. I used to the force to bring the medical chart that was hanging by the door to my hand. (May not be the best thing to do, but I was bored, and needed some answers!)

I found one thing of interest while reading my medical chart, it was the fact that my master is listed as my mother! I thought at first that I had miss read the information so I went back and read it again. (And it did list her as my mother.) Althought my father wasn't listed on the chart but this information on my mother alone was enough to cause me to try to hold back the screams that had lodge themselves in my head.

"This can't be true, it just can't." I said trying to calm myself down before my master came back into the room. How could it be true?

Have I been told a lie about how I came to be a part of the Jedi Temple? Maybe I should talk to someone, but who?

I decided that I couldn't take any more information so I put the information back inside the file and used the force to hang the cart by the door again.

Then I sat back and thought that this might be one of many things that is bothering my master and if so why?

Is it the fact that that chart states that she's my mother or that someone mistyped the information that was given to them at the time. Maybe I should talk to my master, and find out the the truth, before this becomes something bigger then it already is!

Part 2- Questions

2006-02-20T11:00:00.000-06:00

You know in a heart beat that something is wrong, well when my master hugged me I knew. She didn't need to explain and she didn't even try to, for her part.

"Master, why is Tolk here?"

"Why are we on a ship? And where are we going to?"

"Lastly who taking care of the patients at the temple while I am away?"

I ask each of these questions, for I feared that the real answer was something I didn't want to know.

"I wanted to wait until you were a little stronger before I told you." Master Luminara lightly said, as if she didn't want to upset me. "But you are correct, we are on a ship." she stopped and looked very troubled "Stay here, Barriss. I'll be back soon."

I watched as she left my room quietly and very much troubled by something other then my situation.

TBC

Q/A

Here's a question from Jabafatboy... who's the master by the way ?
Jedi Master Luminara Unduli.

I know that I been just using the word master instead of typing her full name.. Let me know as a reader, do you think I should stop with just master or should I type out her full name?

Awake at last, but where am I?

2006-02-17T00:20:00.000-06:00

*stirs* An alarm goes off!

"I think she's waking up."

I know that voice.... it's Tolk head-nurse from for Medstar, but why is she here at the temple. (Something must be really wrong for her to be here.)

"Hopefully that is the case!" My Master Luminara quitely said while she sat and watched over me.

I slowly open my eyes. "Master," I weakly asked "What's going on?"

With chart in hand "It appears that you passed out due to the heat." Tolk stated after reading the chart. And then looking over the chart Tolk when on to say "Your lucky that someone found you in time."

"Oh?" I weakly said.

"Yes, you are very lucky! And if it hadn't been for that clone trooper, we wouldn't be talking today." Tolk winked as she said that.

"I'll leave you two to talk for a short while." Tolk said as she turned to leave the room.

"Ok!" I weakly said as she was just leaving the room.

"Oh Barriss, you don't know how happy I am right now to see you awake and talking." My master said just as she huged me.

TBC

Help!

2006-02-14T00:28:00.000-06:00

I been so busy helping the victoms of Master Yoda's heat wave and that went I went to take a short nap. But now it appears that I can't wake up. (Something is very wrong, and now I need some help!)

I don't remember where I was when I fell asleep but could someone please send help!! I think I'm in .. ..

Master Yoda and the thermostat

2006-02-12T18:40:00.000-06:00

read this first

Master Yoda must really have it out for some of us padawans.

He has started setting the thermostat to 91 degrees. He claims it's for Tatoone training, but I hope not.

This week alone I have seen over 50% of the padawans pass out from heat stroke.

I need to go lay down this heat is getting to me too! I just hoping this ends soon!

A Quiz and old colleagues

2006-02-03T03:16:00.000-06:00

One of the padawans gave me this quiz called 'What's your pirate name?'.

copy of the quiz

As you can see I did take the quiz, but I'm a little surprised by the answer.

It was some time after taking this quiz, I realized how much I miss working on Medstar! (I wonder how Jos Vandar, Kornell "Uli" Divini, Tolk, I-Five, Den Dhur and the rest of the Medstar colleagues have been?)

Working along side them, you'd think I get a holo or a visit from at least one of them. But then again, as busy as everyone is on Medstar, it could be weeks before I hear anything.

To the readers- Sorry to say this but I'll be gone till next Friday. (I'm going to visit family but I be back to tell you all about it.)

Day after

2006-02-02T10:35:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally got the monkey out of my room.

This picture is what my room looked like before.

(what a mess that monkey left for me!)

Well, it took me 10 hours of cleaning but this is how my room looks now.

(And it should have looked like this when I opened the door!)

Now, will the owner please come and get this monkey that I had to cage and put in the speeder parking lot!

(The parking meter is about to expire!)

There's a

2006-02-01T10:30:00.000-06:00

MONKEY in my room. Now I want to know, who put that in my bedroom?

I'm not a vet, and I'm not trained to help wild animals.

Is this the trail that the council gives to me to see how much I have learned in healing! Huh, is it? If so, it's not fair!

I'm home!

2006-01-31T10:43:00.000-06:00

It feels so good to be to home!

I haven't been to the temple for a long time, but today I get to go into the temple and show the council what I have learned while I was training to be a healer.

Wish me luck!

The doc is in the temple

2006-01-30T09:45:00.000-06:00

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