First day alone

flashback

I nodded an agreement before turning towards the mess that Koko drink had made in the room.

I didn’t hear Erifia leave but she must have because as soon as I turned to ask her something she wasn’t in the room anymore.

‘That’s odd, she didn’t even say goodbye.’ I told myself as I sat down on the bed.

‘She left because even she knows that you are not worthy of the title of Jedi knight.’ I heard the voice in my head say.

“No! She‘ll be back soon. She just went off to get something from her ship” I said out loud to quiet the voice and to give myself a break from its ranting as well.

I slowly cleaned up the mess , then I sat back and watch the hours pass by as I waited for Erifia to return.

‘See all this waiting and she still hasn’t come back. I told you she couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you.’ The voice stated as I balled my hands into fists.

“I don’t believe you.” I angrily stated back.

‘Oh but you do! You wouldn’t get angry if you didn’t.’ The voice stated as I started crying.

Without thinking I grabbed my cloak, ran from the room out and into the streets for Lemorn.

I brushed past several young Mirialan women before realizing that my cloak had slipped off my head and my skull cape could be seen by all. I slowed down as I grabbed my hood I forcedly placed it back on my head and breathed a sigh of relief as I walked on.

As I walked around I felt someone come up behind me. As I went to reach for my lightsaber I felt the blaster being pressed into my back as I heard a male voice say “You’re coming with me.” As I realized that my lightsaber wasn’t with me.

‘Foolish child!’ The voice in my head said as I bowed my head as the man lead me away from main streets to a side street.

His hands grabbed me roughly and turned me towards him. “What a pretty thing like you, doing out and about without an escort?” He asked as he ran right hand down my left arm.



I shook as I shook my head no. I tried to speak but nothing was coming out.

He shook me hard as he said “Don’t lie to me! I’ve been following you since you left your hotel room.”

I shook my head as I tried to push him away ‘You will not get away from him, he will kill you.’ the voice stated as I tried once again to push him away with the force.

When even that didn’t work, I hung my head in defeat as I tried to gather the force in attempt to protect myself.

‘That’s right just give up. You know it is useless to fight him.’ The voice in my head.

I screamed as lightning shot from my hands and landed directly on his chest.

His screams echoed in the side street, as I stood there watching him lying on the ground dying. As his screams died down, I stopped and fell to the ground beside him.

“What have I done?” I cried as I tried to turn him over to see if he was still alive.

Order, well more orders then I need!

flashback

Cross over with Erifia Apoc

"Orders!?" I stuttered. 'See even she doesn't trust you.' the voice in my head stated as I asked "What do you mean by orders?"

"Do you trust me? If you do, Padawan, than you'll follow your master's orders." Erifia stated as she waited.

'Tell her no!' The voice yelled as I slowly said "Yes, I do trust you with my life," then I bowed my head before saying "Of course, Master."

"I order you to stay here, on your home planet, getting to know your people. Once you know your people and culture again, I order you to call me. If you leave this planet until that point, you are in direct violation of my orders. Are we clear Padawan?" Erifia asked as she waited for my answer.

'Tell her no! Tell her you don't need her order.' The voice said as I slowly said "Yes Master." Then I heard the voice say 'You fool!' as I asked then asked "And if the council calls me back, then what Master?"

"Then you contact me, and I will handle the council. Understand?" she calmly stated.

"Yes Master." I replyed.

"Excellent. Good. Padawan, I have another order I want you to follow more carefully than anything I've ever told you before," she said as she sat down next to me and took my hand in hers, "Take care of yourself, okay Barriss? You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you."

I waited for voice to say something as I looked into Erifia's eyes before saying "I will take care of myself Erifia, don't you worry about that. As you are mine, I just don't want to lose what we have." 

'But you already have.' the voice quietly said.

"We won't… I need to let you think my dear, I'm sorry I've intruded on your rest for so long." Erfia calmly said.

"You didn't intrude, Erifia." I slowly said as I tried to gathered me thoughts.

"Don't butter it up, I intruded. I know I did, I was just concerned for you." she said.

I shook my head to keep the voice quiet before I said "No Erifia, you didn't intrude. I know it doesn't mean much but you helped me." Then I thought about before saying "A healer being healed by a fighter, do you know how rare that it is?"

"I consider it a friend being healed by a friend." She lightly stated.

the leason from a Koko bottle!

flashback

Cross over with Erifia Apoc


"Erifia, I'm a healer!" I stated and quickly read the label "Besides if you had read the label it stated that the contents are under pressure."

"I will shake it then, to demonstrate…"” as Erifia grabbed the bottle and began to shake, in hard and long strides. And after a moment, she set it on the ground. Then she took several steps away, and pointed at it as it shook a little, "Notice how unstable it is, how it cannot stand on its own. How with all the pressure inside it is trying to break it."

'I'm growing tired of this guessing game Erifia.' I told myself as I looked from Erifia to the bottle and back. Then I asked "And your point is?"

"Such is a Jedi’s soul, a Jedi’s person when they bottle emotion," She stated as spun the lid off the top, and it exploded, sending koke throughout the room, "Without a safe release for the anger, we are all bound to end up with the same fate as that bottle."

'This is just great Erifia! Now who's going to clean up this mess?' I told myself as I slowly answered "I see!" Then without really thinking about it I lookied at Erifia and said “Maybe it’s best then that I leave the order."

I stood there watching a single tear run down Erifia face as I heard a voice in my head say 'See if she really cared, she'd be fighting for you.'

"You’ve been so brainwashed!" I heard her screech through my thoughts, "Just because you broke a rule doesn’t mean you have to quit! I was trying to keep you in the order, to keep you sane, and whole…"

"And I thank you for that but I broke more then one rule. I also disobeyed the customs of my people." I sadly stated as I looked away trying to quiet the voice in my head.

"If I had a credit for every time I did that…" She stated then stopped.


'A credit for what quieting a voice in your head or breaking a rule?' I thought to myself. 'More likely both' the voice in my head said.

Feeling somewhat in control I looked at Erifia and then said "Oh Erifia! If I leave it will because I know I can’t be any good to anyone if I blow up like that koke bottle." As tears raced down my face as I went on to say “But right now, Erifia I need to heal myself. And I can’t do it back at the temple. I thought coming here alone would help me.”

'But there is not place that you can find that will do that for you.' The voice said loudly and I replyed back 'This is as close to my home planet as I could get, and if this place can't help me then maybe my home planet will.' Which caused the voice to become very quiet as Erifia said "I've got a solution, but you must follow my orders exactly."


TBC

Koko!

flashback

Cross over with Erifia Apoc


I quietly opened the door to the refresher and carefully walked towards the bed.

"Up a little late," Erifia asked softly.

I dropped my bag at the sound of Erifia voice. 'Does she know what I just did?' I asked myself as I slowly said "I thought you were asleep." as I waited for her reply.

"I was, my lekkus wiggled and I woke." she calmly stated.

I hopped that was the only thing that did wake her up or there would be so many unwanted questions to answer.

"OH!" I stated as I raised an eyebrow. "How do you feel?"

"Well. That accursed Bacta makes me want more. Its pretty addictive, But I don't need it, so keep it away from me," Erifia stated and she smiled softly.

'Sounds like someone can't handle high doses of bacta, but why?' I asked myself as
I smiled back. Then I slowly stated "Yes it is! But it was either that or be in pain for a long time." as I looked down towards the floor. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"For what? I told you to. I'm sorry I hit you. I had to get you to release some of that anger."

I nodded my head as I said "But you shouldn't of had to." Then my eyes angrily flashed from the memory of hitting her. 'Her of all the Jedi in the galaxy to send to be with me. She had to be the one?' I asked myself as I waited.

"Barriss, you've been trained to bottle emotions, ever shake a bottle of koke? What happens?" Erifia asked.

"No Master, I've never had a bottle of koke before. Much less had one to shake." I answered back.

I noticed Erifia mouth widened to an O as she left the room. I stood there wondering what that had to do with anything. When Erifia returned she handed me a bottle of koko, to which I gently took from her as she said “Shake the bottle.”

"You want me to do what?" I asked as I looked at the bottle.

“Shake the bottle.” she said again.

'And this is going to exlpain what?' I asked myself as I lightly shook the battle, then looked at Erifia. "I do not see what this will accomplish." I lightly stated.

“Shake the bottle. Shake it hard and shake it long. Do not be gentle with it.” She stated.

TBC

Just a Short Trim part 2

flashback

'I was right these are just like the ones at the temple.' I told myself as I stood crying as I watched as the hair on the floor dissolved before my eyes. After the hair was gone I shut off the refresher and walked back to the sink. Once there I picked up the shaving cup and looked at it.

The instructions on the side of the cup said to add a little water to the cup before use.

I turned on the water, then I removed the brush before I added the water to the cup.

Once I had added the water to the cup, I slowly took off my shirt and laid it on the counter. Looking around I found a small towel, that I laid on my shoulders before looking in the mirror. The face that looked back at me, was one of a scared little girl.

I shook my head then softly said "Calm down Barriss, there's nothing to be scared about." as my heart thundering in my chest.

I looked away from the mirror as I picked up the cup and started to slowly placing the brush in the cup. I felt my hands shake as I slowly turned the brush in the cup, causing the soup to foam.

As the foam started to overfill the cup I took the brush out, slowly started to brush the foam into the remaining hair on my head.

Once that was done, I picked up the razor and slowly raised it up to my head. I carefully ran the blade across my head.

After a few strokes, I lowered the blade away from my head. I turned on the water in the sink and carefully rinsed the blade off before I inspected the blade to see if it was getting dull. Noticed that it wasn’t I continued shaving my head clean of hair.

I looked into the mirror as I removed the towel from my shoulders. 'Oh my!' I cried out in my mind as I felt the tears race down my face. I wiped away my tears as I reached up and touched my bare skull for the first time.

I ran my fingers across the smooth skin, as I lightly let my tears fall. 'What have I done?' I asked myself looked in the mirror again.

Looking down and then around the room, I noticed the mess that I had made from shaving my head. 'I best clean this up before anyone see it.' I told myself as I grabbed the towel that I had used earlier to do so.

It took half hour to clean up but once done I started to itch like crazy.

"Now what!?" I softly cried out as I decided what to do about the itching.

Completely undressing I took all of my clothing and the towel that I had used earlier and throw them all into a small washer/dryer that was in the room.

Once that was done I then set the refresher to soft rain as I stepped into it and washed the loose hair that was making me itch so.

The water slowly washed the loose hair away and the itching went away as well.

Stepping out of the refresher I grabbed a towel as I reset the refresher to dissolve the hair that was in still in there as I wrapped the towel around and started to dry my body off.

Hearing the buzzer for the dryer go off. I carefully walked over and removed each item separately .

Dressing quickly, I carefully put everything back into the small bag that I took out. Then carefully put it back into my traveling bag.

TBC?

Just a short trim Part 1

flashback


I looked back over my shoulder and checked on Erifia. 'Good she's still asleep.' I told myself as I entered the refresher.

Quietly closing the door, I then quickly locked the door behind me. 'I don't need her seeing what I'm about to do.' I told myself as I quickly took off my cloak and hung it on one of four pegs.

I slowly walked over to the sink and set my traveling bag on the counter on it.

I looked at the face in the mirror as I softly said "I know the laws of my people, and I have broken one." as I opened my bag, reached in and grabbed a small bag that Master Luminara had given to me.

‘Remember Barriss, that Mirialan women never show their hair to anyone but their life partners . But the day should come and your hair is seen by anyone but you for any reason, I want you to have this.’ Master Lumaniara stated as she handed the bag to me. I heard her words as clearly today as that day as I removed the bag from my travel bag.

I felt the tears welling up as I placed the bag on the counter. ‘Not now!’ I told myself as I once again splashed water on my face.

After about 5 minutes I got my emotions back under control. I slowly opened the bag and looked into it for the first time.

In the bag was a razor, shaving bar with cup and some sort of brush, scissors, a form of baby oil, and other odd lot of items. Some I had seen and some I had not seen before. I carefully took out each item and laid then all on the counter.

‘Barriss we must always maintain our heritage. Live by the Mirialan laws and that of Jedi code.‘ Master Luminara stated as she explained to a once when I was 9 years old.

I looked in the mirror as I took off my skull cape and looked at my hair.
“I understand now what I must do now Master.” I said out loud as I reached for the scissors that I pulled out.

With my left hand I reached up with my left hand and grabbed a hand full of hair and started cutting my hair with the scissors in my right hand.

As I started to cut I could feel my right hand start to shake. “Calm down, breath!” I quietly said as I calmed myself down.

I listened to the scissors go snip, snip as the first hand full of hair was cut away. Once the hair was cut away I laid it on the counter. Then I rinsed the scissors off and then I reached up and grabbed another handful.

I continued to cut my hair off until I reached my padawan braid. I looked in the mirror as I pondered on what to do. ‘Leave it,’ I told myself as I stopped and listened to see if Erifia had wakened up.

Hearing nothing, I looked down at the pile of hair and wondered what I should do about it. Gathering it up I looked at the refresher and wondered if it was like the ones at the temple.

‘Well there’s only one way to find out.’ I told myself as I walked over to it.

Setting the hair on the floor of the refresher, I walked back out and shut the door. Then I walked over to the control panel and pushed a button called dissolve.

TBC

Orders from a Master

flashback

This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.


My mind raced as Erifia pushed me, ‘What does she think she going to prove by pushing me.’ I asked myself as I held myself in check.

“BECAUSE YOU ARE WHAT I CAN’T BE.” I yelled as she pushed me.

“Yeah?” she stated as she shoved me again, “I’m a Jedi Knight! I love being a Jedi Knight! I loved it so much, they made me a Master. I’ve been a knight for three years! Loving every single minute of it… Oh, you’re just a silly padawan, huh?”

‘Yeah right! Is that why you hate it so much?’ I asked myself as I yelled at her “NO!! BECAUSE YOU’RE A FIGHTER AND I’M NOT.” then I waited for her reply.


She punched me before saying “Then fight with me.”

“NO!” I yelled more to stop myself then anything else. As I was speaking I reached out with my left hand and slapped her in the face. As I balled my right hand and punched her in the stomach.

Then she hit me again before I could say “No, Erifia I won’t hit you again.” Then I narrowed my eyes before adding, “Not while your hurt.” I was trying to remember all of my training but more and more I couldn’t recall as I started to see bits and pieces of red hate growing in my mind.

“That shows how useless of a healer you are,” she flatly stated.

I saw red as I just started hitting Erifia over and over again. “I’M NOT A USELESS HEALER!” I yelled as continued to hit her. I couldn’t stop myself I just kept hitting her over and over again. Until she stumbled backwards and dropped into a big chair.

“Now how do you feel?” Erifia asked in soft tones.

‘How do you think I feel? I feel like I just nearly killed a friendship? Or worse?‘ I told myself as I slow fell to my knees bfore I stated “Like a weight as been taken off my shoulders.”

‘But was it really gone?’ I asked myself ‘Or have I dug it deeper inside of me by allowing myself to hit her?’

Erifia smiled at me as she said, “Good. Now I’ve got so much to teach you… But If you’ll excuse me, I think I need to inject myself with bacta and take a nap…”

‘Did I really hurt her that bad? Was all my training just ruined by hitting her?’ I asked myself over and over again. Then I slowly asked “Teach?” as I slowly pondered if she really could teach me something I already didn’t know about the force.

“Yeah,” Erifia responded, “Teach you how to live with your emotions so they don’t make you explode.”

Nodding I then turned and went to my bag and reached inside and grabbed a small vile of bacta. Removing the cover for the needle, with the cover in hand, I turned back to Erifia.

I raised an eyebrow as I saw her sleeping in the chair. ‘Well now maybe this will be easier then I was planning.’ I told myself as I walked up to her and gently forced the needle into her left arm.

As I pressed the plunger down, I checked Erifia vitals. When the vile was empty, I gently took the needle out of her arm and recapped the needle. Then I quickly set it aside as I picked up Erifia and laid her on the bed.

After which I grabbed the vile and walked back to my bag. ‘I can get rid of this later.’ I told myself as I stuffed the vile into the bag.

I turned back to Erifia sleeping form, ’Well at least she’ll get a good nights sleep.’ I told myself as I grabbed my travel bag and walked towards the refresher.

TBC