Troubled Waters

I walked up the council chambers and saw a note that stated that all meetings with the council have been canceled and will resume within one weeks time.

As I turned and walked away I came face to face with Erifia "If you have a meeting with the council, it's been canceled" I lightly stated.

She looked shocked by the news and was about to walk away when I asked her "How about we go for a walk, just the two of us?"

We walked a great distance before she realized where we where heading "Please, don't make me go," Erifia quickly said to me. We were near the base of sea overhang, Erifia looked up, and turned away quickly, trying to walk past me.

"But you have to" as I blocked Erifia way. Wondering if she still was afraid of the one place that she should feel most at peace.

Erifia turned and looked up the hill. She began to shake and then she took a very shaky step forwards.

I place my hand on Erifia shoulder and calmly say "I'm here with you now, just like I was that day. You must face it now, or it will destroy you."

"I know...." Erifia began to walk up the hill, each step I noticed was becoming more and more painful for her to take. "Barriss," Eriria called out.

Noticing that Erifia was shaking like a leaf, I went to her and slowly and quietly repeatedly said "It's ok. I'm here with you." As I used the force to calm the strom that started to grow in her mind before she continued on up the hill.

I followed Erifia to the top and stood back and watched as she ran her fingers along the lettering on the tombstone, Jedi Master Gerith Gwin, Friend, Master and Father. I wondered if she even knew who had ordered and placed the tombstone there in for her. My thoughts stopped as I hear her start cry and say, "Barriss...... Its all my fault......"

I walked up to Erifia and placed my right hand on Erifia's shoulder and slowly without crying said "No Erifia, it's not your fault. Each life and each death is all part of the force." as my tears slowly start to fall.

"I was too weak," Erifia cried, "I couldn't fight off the infection...... I didn't know...... He was my friend, he was my master, and he was the only family I ever had......."

"You were not weak, Erifia." I state as I slowly wipe away my tears. "At the time, you were not trained as a healer." I hugged Erifia and quietly said "I've always thought of you as a sister."

"But.... But...." She began to sob on my shoulder, "But my body gave up, its all my fault, I killed my master...." As she fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

"Oh, Erifia!" I sadly state as I sit down next to her. "Your body may have given up but you are not at fault for his death nor did you kill him."

"But, he could have blocked," Erifia had relapsed, "I threw it at Aayla.... I did, she was there... He...He... Its not my fault..... Its Aayla's fault..... She made me sick... She cut me... I didn't see him.... I saw her... And...." Erifia began to hyperventilate, "I... It wasn't my fault.... I... My... She was there. Barriss, you believe me, I threw it at Aayla...... You believe me right?"


Sensing the deep well of despair that Erifia was in, I hugged her. "Yes, Erifia I do believe you." as I started to slowly rubbing her back.

"You believe me?" Erifia questionly asked of me, "Actually believe me?"

I look directly into her eyes and calmly say "Yes, Erifia I do believe you."

"But I did do it... didn't I?" Erifia asked, "I did kill him. He has to hate me too.."

I thought over her words letting her to get as much of her chest as possible. "No, Erifia you didn't kill him." I calmly state "He could never hate you, he was you master."

"But I threw my saber, and even if I thought it was Aayla, it hit him...." Erifia said then asked "Accident?"

"Yes, Erifia it was accident." I calmly stated. I hoped that she come to terms with the past that she could not change. "But what happened here was more then just accident it was the will of the force."

"Yes..." Erifia said, "I think it was... Thank you, so much. You've always been there for me, and it must seem like I hate you sometimes, I'm sorry, you're my closest friend."

"Your welcome Erifia. It's alright, I let your hate roll of my back because I knew that you needed me." I said calmly and wondered how many countless times I had let her hate just roll like water off my back.

"I do care for you, and I care for you a lot. I'm sorry, I understand I am pretty impossible to deal with," Erifia smiled, it was the first time I've seen her smile in a long time, "Do you think he would be proud of me?"

"And I care for you. There's no need to be sorry for grief, it's natural." I smile back, look directly into her eyes "Yes, I do feel that he'd be very proud of you."

I stood back and watched as Erifia took out two lightsaber and place them on top of the her masters tombstone, "I hope these two will make up for your one," Erifia said speaking to the stone as if he was really there with us, "Its saved me a lot.. And" I watched as the tears gently dropped from her eyes, "Thanks. " as she looked at me, "I think I'm ready to go."

I gentely take Erifia right hand and give it a gentle squeeze "Yes, let's go"

"Thanks again, I owe you much. I'll make up for it one day, I promise... I owe you my life," Erifia said with a smiled, and hugged me, "I'll give you a ride back to the temple?" she asked.

I hugged her back and said warmly "Your welcome Erifia. I know you will." Feeling a pull in force "No, not the temple. I'm needed else where."

"Name it, I can take you anywhere as long as its not past Langoria," Erifia said with a smile, "And a lot quicker than you could imagine."

A worried look crosses my face "I'm need to get to a pub called Moe's on Tatoonie." I state as my voice breaks. "Please do so, I don't think there's much time."

I watched as her ship appeared in front of us, "I can have you there in an hour, maybe forty five minutes." The door opened, on the old bronze and rusty looking ship, "It's actually like brand new, it was built to look old." she entered, waiting for me before she leapt to the steering wheel.

"Ok, lets go." I state as I follow Erifia inside and started to center myself with the force. Hoping that Erifia didn't see how worried I was.

Erifia sat down at the wheel, and shot through the atmosphere, at a great speed, "Tatooine," she told the computer, "Computed," it responded. "Barriss, to ease your nerve, have a seat and press the green button."

I followed Erifia instructions and sat down in the chair that she was pointing at. "Are you sure that you want me to push the green button?" I asked not sure why she'd want me to do so.

Erifia laughed, and said, "Yes, trust me, push the green button." then she turned and spoke in the com link, "Becca, make sure my tauntaun is okay, and buckle up."

"Ok!" I said as I nodded and gently pressed the green button.

The ship kicked in all of its thrusters, and we traveled past hyperspace, stars and meteors looked like lines, and worlds flew by so quickly. "We're going to be there a lot faster than I imagined. I always hit the red button before," Erifia laughed a little and and for a little bit did lighten the mood.

I quickly glanced worriedly at Erifia and wondered what she meant by that. "Are you sure it was a good idea to press the green button?" Being very mindful of the present.

"I'm never sure it's a good idea to do anything," Erifia responded, as the slip slowed down, and began to shake violently, "See?" She said, "We're here already. Mos Eisley?" I looked at Tatooine, wondering why there was such a pull for me to come to this place.

"Somehow I know that to be true, but not about you." I state thinking about all the times others have said the same thing to me. I could feel the worry and fear come crashing towards me as we make our way desend on Tatooine.

Waves of worry and fear crashing down all around me.. After pinpointing who, I called out with the force, calm yourself Anakin...help is coming. I could barely hear Erifia talking but nodded as I slowly climped out of the chair and followed her out the ship.

"Barriss, come to, who is here, who needs help?" Erifia asked me directly.

"Erifia, it's Anakin who needs help. But his thoughs are confusing, something about Kriss and missing. I'm not sure." I slowly stated as I slowly tried to center myself again.

I troubled thoughts left me feeling disconnected and far away for others. I let Erifia take the lead as I followed closely behind her. My thoughts cleared as I stood face to face with Anakin Skywalker.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" I asked and waited for his reply.

See Erifia's blog for her point of view.
See Anakin's blog for his point of view.

Thanks Erifia for everything!

Memory (part 1)

I was going throught some old data files, when I found a data file that brought a smile to my face.

It was about a year and half after Anakin join the order, we ( Erifia, Kriss, Anakin, Aayla, and myself) had found ourselves placed in a small clan. As to why, I still don't fully understand but I don't question the will or wisdom of the council.

If I remember correctly it was the first class as a group that we all were in the same room for the first time. That's when fighting started between Erifia and Aayla. I don't really remember why but I think it had something do with Erifia third Lekku.

I don't remember a think a day since then that Erifia and Aayla could be seen or heard fighting over something or other.

Then there was quiet Kriss, and and for some reason just knew how to sit back watch all of this and not step in and try to stop them from hurting each other.

Plus there was Anakin, who'd try just about everything he knew to make Erifia and Aayla stop fighting. When that didn't work he start yelling in a strange language. I think that only stopped them once. At one time he said me that the language was Huttese.

It was durring Erifia and Aayla's that Master Windu, came running in to the room and firmly yelled "Younglings! Stop this fighting right now!"

The room became dead quite as Master Windu looked at all of us and calmly said "Be glade that I'm not your teacher. But as of this moment, you are all required to make a complete list of what you think is involved in Jedi training."

Here's what we turned in as a group!

WISDOM & Inner peace
Teaching the students to meditate, use the force to calm themselve, not use the dark side, ect. Teahing them to become good, wise, natural leaders, above all else.

FORCE POWERS
Telekenisis, telepathy, mind tricks, ect. All the cool tricks that Jedi can use with the Force, plus teaching them about it's nature, so that they can continue to improvise and use the Force in new and original ways.

LIGHTSABER COMBAT
This is obviously important, as a Jedi is expected to be ready for a fight at a moment's notice, with his lightsaber always slung at his side.

HAND TO HAND/MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTING
engaging in hand to hand combat with or without his/her light saber

LINGUISTICS
A Jedi should be versed in several languages, if he is to operate efficiently as a peacekeepr and a mediator throughout the galaxy.

MECHANICAL SKILLS
It seems to me that Jedi always seem to know their way around an engine room. This makes sense, since they have to do a lot of space travel. Plus they have to build their own lightsabers.

WISDOM
Teaching the students to meditate, use the force to calm themselve, not use the dark side, ect. Teahing them to become good, wise, natural leaders, above all else.

FORCE POWERS
Telekenisis, telepathy, mind tricks, ect. Al the cool tricks that Jedi can use with the Force, plus teaching them about it's nature, so that they can continue to improvise and use the Force in new and original ways.

OK, but at the end of their training they must pass the Trials. These are four tests that force them to show what they have learned. There is the Trial of Skill, Trial of Flesh, Trial of Courage, and Trial of the Spirit.

A Jedis Training revolves around one thing and only one thing, the Will of the Force.

All these other things that have been stated are the Sentients admonishments to what they believe a Jedi should be. Each jedi is different, some cannot express certain abilities like Telekinesis, (AKA Corran Horn), so making it a requirment of his/her training would be not only cruel, but an undue punishment.

These things were done for thousands of years and the Jedi did not grow, nor did the Jedi learn. So perhpas, instead of training the Jedi, it made them stagnate into a complacent Order. Their training served them as a whole to handicap them.

Another thing they study is the Jedi Code.

I'm pretty sure that it involves carrying your master on your back through a jungle.
But that may be just for advanced students. Or for really small masters

I pity the man who learns from a Hutt Jedi then

If I remember correctly, Anakin wrote these last two down.

It took us about two weeks nonstop to write this list (while Erifia and Aayla fighting over the wording towards the end). Then nearly another week for any one of us to become friends or much less stand in the same room for an hour.

I miss you!

I'm sorry but in the last few months I've noticed alot of bloggers have left their blogs and for whatever their reasons may be. I just wanted to let them to know that I (along with many others) miss them.

Slipped Away By Avril Lavigne

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Nah nah la la la nah nah

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh


By the way I'm back!

Song!? Visions!?

I finished all of the paper work, then I turned on my IPOD and slowly walked over to a small book shelf and looked for a book to read.

I selected a very old leather bound edition to read and walked to my easy chair.

It wasn't long before a song (Reel - Never Had To Knock On Wood) came on my IPOD that I started to have visions that really hard understand why this song was causing these visions. (Here let me show you, a few of the visions.)

Have you ever been close to tragedy, Or been close to folks who have.

Have you ever felt a pain so powerful, So heavy you collapse.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has.

Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood.

And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get.




Have you ever had the odds stacked up so high, You need a strength most don't possess.

Or has it ever come down to do or die, You've got to rise above the rest.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has.

Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood.

And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has, Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood, And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good.

That's the impression that I get.



I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested.

I'd like to think that if I was, I would pass.

Look at the tested and think there but for the grace go, I might be a cowards,
I'm afraid of what I might find out.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has.

Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood.

And I'm glad I haven't yet, Because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get.

I've never had to knock on wood, But I know someone who has, Which makes me wonder if I could.

It makes me wonder if, I've never had to knock on wood, And I'm glad I haven't yet.

Because I'm sure it isn't good, That's the impression that I get.

I've been tagged

I got back to my room and found this tag from Jaina Solo in a stack of homework that Master Luminara left on my desk for me to do.

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
Youngling
Padawan.
Jedi Knight
Healer

Four Places You've lived:
Coursant
Mirial
Ilum
Drongar

Four T.V. Shows You Love To Watch:
Big Brother Naboo.
Survivor Tatooine.

Four Places You've been on Holiday:
Mirial
Endor
Felucia
Ilum

Four Blogs You Visit Every Day:
Master Yoda
Vampirella
Vegeta
and anyone else who's on my medial files list

Four Of Your favorite Foods:
Bantha Burger
Blue Milk

Four Places You'd Rather Be:
Mirial
Mediating
visiting with Master Luminara
visiting with Jedi Katt

Four C.Ds You Can't Live Without.
C.D!? What's that?
I have an ipod does that count?

Four Vehicles You've Owned:
The Jedi code doesn't allow us to own vehicles

People To Be Tagged:
I believe everyone has done this so no one.

the end and a new beginning

first part.
second part
third part

They must have been use to the sound of the door opening because no one turned towards the sound at first. Then Master Luminara looked over and gently said "Barriss!" Right when she said my name the room when quite and everyone was looking over at me.

"Yes Master." I gently said.

Master Luminara Unduli walked towards me and stopped a few feet in front of me.

We bowed to each other, then Master Luminara walked up and hugged me. While she held me, she whispered "You don't know how happy I am to see you up and about like this." Then she stepped back and smiled at me. I smiled back to her and started wondering what was going on.

It was at this time that the hoverlift door open and out walked Master Yoda . "Sorry to break up this reunion I am. But talk to Barriss I must." He slowly stated as he looked at Master Luminara.

"Of course" My master said as she turned allowing me to walk past her.

I walked up to Master Yoda and followed him onto the hoverlift leaving my master standing there in the waiting room.

I followed Master Yoda off the hoverlift and walked with him until we reached the main chambers for the Jedi council. The room was poorly light when we enter, my eyes slowly adjusted as I kept walking toward the center of the room.

"Barriss the council and I have been talking for the last few hours." Master Yoda slowly stated and waited for my response.

"Master if this has anything to do with Harvey . I stated as I slowly started to explain myself.

Master Yoda looked at me and stated "that is one, among other things."

I stood there waiting for Master Yoda to continue.

"Master Luminara and this council both agree, most important." Master Yoda slowly stated and continued "Give you the title of Jedi Knight, this council does."

I was shocked at first and then slowly said "Thank you Master Yoda. I'll do my best to make this council proud of me."

"Sure that you will, we are." Master Yoda stated. "Speak to you tomorrow the council will. An assignment we have for you. May the force be you with you Barriss."

I bowed and walked towards the door feeling like I had found something that was lost.

When I got to the door and opened it I found Master Luminara waiting for me.

She smiled a knowing smile and said "I'm very happy for you Barriss."

"Thank you master." I said.

We walked to the hoverlift together and I thought to myself this will be the last time we'll be together like this for a long time.

Part 8 - Freedom

Starts here.
continued from here

I slowly stood up and followed the healer to the refresher.

"Oh!" was I all I could say before I nearly passed out from walking a few feet.

"Easy does it. We don't want you to pass out on us again and causing Master Luminara Unduil more worry and grief ." The healer lightly said with a look of worry in her eyes. "Maybe I should have brought a hover chair with me." She frankly stated as she already knew that I was about to pass out from walking a short distance.

"No, I'm fine. Let's just get there and get this over with." I stated and thought to myself, if Master Luminara could see me the way I was acting she'd be very disappointed in me!

The healer looked at me with a look of surprise on her face. Then she slowly took my arm and helped me along to the refresher.

When we got to the refresher, I was wide awake and able to keep my balance on my own.

The healer set the refresher and said "Are you going to be able to do this on your own, correct?"

"Yes" I lightly said and waited for her to continue.

"Alright then, I'll go get a towel and your clothes while your in the refresher. I shouldn't be more then a 15 minutes." She said as she waited for me to reply.

"That's fine." I said and waited for her to leave.

After she had left, took off the gown that I had been wearing and walked in to the refresher.

(15 minutes pass)

"Barriss are you alright." The healer called out as she returned.

"Yes, I'm ok." I answered her back.

"Good!." The healer happily stated. "Barriss, I need to care for another patent so I'm going to set your clothes over here on the bench and your towel is hanging on the towel bar for you to use. Once you are dressed please leave the door a jar so I know you are done."

"Ok' I called out as I heard her leave the room.

Just as the door closed behind the healer, I felt a very faint disturbance in the force. My first that it was nothing. Just someone playing a prank on NandeHI. But then the disturbance hit me with full force.

"Vampi!" I cried out, as I realize to whom it was centered around. I lightly fell to my knees as the disturbance kept getting stronger and stronger.

It was about that time when the healer who had left me in the refresher had returned. "Barriss, did you fall? Are you hurt?" She called out as she grabbed the towel from the bar and rushed over to help me.

I slowly stood up very slowly and said "No, I'm fine! I just slipped that's all." Then took the towel as she handed it to me.

The healer just raised one eyebrow as if she was going to ask a questioning my response.

"Well then, I'll be right outside if you need me." she lightly stated and turned and walked slowly out of the room.

I heard the door close firmly as I walked over to the bench.

I patted myself dry and slowly started getting dressed with the clothing that she had left for me to wear. Although it was one of my usual outfits, it was very baggy in places that it shouldn't have been.

After several attempts, I finally got the belt short enough to work, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, if this is the best I can do till I get back to my room.

Thanksfully, my cloak hide gathers of material from view.

I slowly worked on my hair, braiding it very slowly and keeping each braid straight. When I was done with my hair, I could finally place my skill cape back on my head, and then flipped my cloaks hood over it.

Then I used the force to gentle open the door for the healer as I went and stood by the bench as the healer entered the room.

"Barriss, would you like for me to help you with your hair?" as the healer came into the room stopped dead in her tracks as two small red dots appeared quickly and then disappeared just as fast from her face. "Oh sorry!" She exclaimed.

"Well, then are you ready to go?" the she quicky asked.

"Yes, I am!" I stated as I started to thinking to myself great now where to?

The followed the healer out of the refresher and down a short hallway to a door. She stopped and looked over at me.

"This is where I leave you Barriss. May the force be with you." she lightly said with a smile

I smiled back and gently said "Thank you, and may the force be with you as well."

She nodded and waited as I opened the door and walked into the room.

The sight before me was one I don't think I'll forget for a long time. On one side of the room was Master Lminara being comforted by Tolk and on the other side was Jos, Uli, and I-Five.

They must have been use to the sound of the door opening because no one turned towards the sound at first. Then Master Luminara looked over and gently said "Barriss!" Right when she said my name the room when quite and everyone was looked over at me.