Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Troubled Waters

I walked up the council chambers and saw a note that stated that all meetings with the council have been canceled and will resume within one weeks time.

As I turned and walked away I came face to face with Erifia "If you have a meeting with the council, it's been canceled" I lightly stated.

She looked shocked by the news and was about to walk away when I asked her "How about we go for a walk, just the two of us?"

We walked a great distance before she realized where we where heading "Please, don't make me go," Erifia quickly said to me. We were near the base of sea overhang, Erifia looked up, and turned away quickly, trying to walk past me.

"But you have to" as I blocked Erifia way. Wondering if she still was afraid of the one place that she should feel most at peace.

Erifia turned and looked up the hill. She began to shake and then she took a very shaky step forwards.

I place my hand on Erifia shoulder and calmly say "I'm here with you now, just like I was that day. You must face it now, or it will destroy you."

"I know...." Erifia began to walk up the hill, each step I noticed was becoming more and more painful for her to take. "Barriss," Eriria called out.

Noticing that Erifia was shaking like a leaf, I went to her and slowly and quietly repeatedly said "It's ok. I'm here with you." As I used the force to calm the strom that started to grow in her mind before she continued on up the hill.

I followed Erifia to the top and stood back and watched as she ran her fingers along the lettering on the tombstone, Jedi Master Gerith Gwin, Friend, Master and Father. I wondered if she even knew who had ordered and placed the tombstone there in for her. My thoughts stopped as I hear her start cry and say, "Barriss...... Its all my fault......"

I walked up to Erifia and placed my right hand on Erifia's shoulder and slowly without crying said "No Erifia, it's not your fault. Each life and each death is all part of the force." as my tears slowly start to fall.

"I was too weak," Erifia cried, "I couldn't fight off the infection...... I didn't know...... He was my friend, he was my master, and he was the only family I ever had......."

"You were not weak, Erifia." I state as I slowly wipe away my tears. "At the time, you were not trained as a healer." I hugged Erifia and quietly said "I've always thought of you as a sister."

"But.... But...." She began to sob on my shoulder, "But my body gave up, its all my fault, I killed my master...." As she fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

"Oh, Erifia!" I sadly state as I sit down next to her. "Your body may have given up but you are not at fault for his death nor did you kill him."

"But, he could have blocked," Erifia had relapsed, "I threw it at Aayla.... I did, she was there... He...He... Its not my fault..... Its Aayla's fault..... She made me sick... She cut me... I didn't see him.... I saw her... And...." Erifia began to hyperventilate, "I... It wasn't my fault.... I... My... She was there. Barriss, you believe me, I threw it at Aayla...... You believe me right?"

Sensing the deep well of despair that Erifia was in, I hugged her. "Yes, Erifia I do believe you." as I started to slowly rubbing her back.

"You believe me?" Erifia questionly asked of me, "Actually believe me?"

I look directly into her eyes and calmly say "Yes, Erifia I do believe you."

"But I did do it... didn't I?" Erifia asked, "I did kill him. He has to hate me too.."

I thought over her words letting her to get as much of her chest as possible. "No, Erifia you didn't kill him." I calmly state "He could never hate you, he was you master."

"But I threw my saber, and even if I thought it was Aayla, it hit him...." Erifia said then asked "Accident?"

"Yes, Erifia it was accident." I calmly stated. I hoped that she come to terms with the past that she could not change. "But what happened here was more then just accident it was the will of the force."

"Yes..." Erifia said, "I think it was... Thank you, so much. You've always been there for me, and it must seem like I hate you sometimes, I'm sorry, you're my closest friend."

"Your welcome Erifia. It's alright, I let your hate roll of my back because I knew that you needed me." I said calmly and wondered how many countless times I had let her hate just roll like water off my back.

"I do care for you, and I care for you a lot. I'm sorry, I understand I am pretty impossible to deal with," Erifia smiled, it was the first time I've seen her smile in a long time, "Do you think he would be proud of me?"

"And I care for you. There's no need to be sorry for grief, it's natural." I smile back, look directly into her eyes "Yes, I do feel that he'd be very proud of you."

I stood back and watched as Erifia took out two lightsaber and place them on top of the her masters tombstone, "I hope these two will make up for your one," Erifia said speaking to the stone as if he was really there with us, "Its saved me a lot.. And" I watched as the tears gently dropped from her eyes, "Thanks. " as she looked at me, "I think I'm ready to go."

I gentely take Erifia right hand and give it a gentle squeeze "Yes, let's go"

"Thanks again, I owe you much. I'll make up for it one day, I promise... I owe you my life," Erifia said with a smiled, and hugged me, "I'll give you a ride back to the temple?" she asked.

I hugged her back and said warmly "Your welcome Erifia. I know you will." Feeling a pull in force "No, not the temple. I'm needed else where."

"Name it, I can take you anywhere as long as its not past Langoria," Erifia said with a smile, "And a lot quicker than you could imagine."

A worried look crosses my face "I'm need to get to a pub called Moe's on Tatoonie." I state as my voice breaks. "Please do so, I don't think there's much time."

I watched as her ship appeared in front of us, "I can have you there in an hour, maybe forty five minutes." The door opened, on the old bronze and rusty looking ship, "It's actually like brand new, it was built to look old." she entered, waiting for me before she leapt to the steering wheel.

"Ok, lets go." I state as I follow Erifia inside and started to center myself with the force. Hoping that Erifia didn't see how worried I was.

Erifia sat down at the wheel, and shot through the atmosphere, at a great speed, "Tatooine," she told the computer, "Computed," it responded. "Barriss, to ease your nerve, have a seat and press the green button."

I followed Erifia instructions and sat down in the chair that she was pointing at. "Are you sure that you want me to push the green button?" I asked not sure why she'd want me to do so.

Erifia laughed, and said, "Yes, trust me, push the green button." then she turned and spoke in the com link, "Becca, make sure my tauntaun is okay, and buckle up."

"Ok!" I said as I nodded and gently pressed the green button.

The ship kicked in all of its thrusters, and we traveled past hyperspace, stars and meteors looked like lines, and worlds flew by so quickly. "We're going to be there a lot faster than I imagined. I always hit the red button before," Erifia laughed a little and and for a little bit did lighten the mood.

I quickly glanced worriedly at Erifia and wondered what she meant by that. "Are you sure it was a good idea to press the green button?" Being very mindful of the present.

"I'm never sure it's a good idea to do anything," Erifia responded, as the slip slowed down, and began to shake violently, "See?" She said, "We're here already. Mos Eisley?" I looked at Tatooine, wondering why there was such a pull for me to come to this place.

"Somehow I know that to be true, but not about you." I state thinking about all the times others have said the same thing to me. I could feel the worry and fear come crashing towards me as we make our way desend on Tatooine.

Waves of worry and fear crashing down all around me.. After pinpointing who, I called out with the force, calm yourself Anakin...help is coming. I could barely hear Erifia talking but nodded as I slowly climped out of the chair and followed her out the ship.

"Barriss, come to, who is here, who needs help?" Erifia asked me directly.

"Erifia, it's Anakin who needs help. But his thoughs are confusing, something about Kriss and missing. I'm not sure." I slowly stated as I slowly tried to center myself again.

I troubled thoughts left me feeling disconnected and far away for others. I let Erifia take the lead as I followed closely behind her. My thoughts cleared as I stood face to face with Anakin Skywalker.

"Anakin, what's wrong?" I asked and waited for his reply.

See Erifia's blog for her point of view.
See Anakin's blog for his point of view.

Thanks Erifia for everything!

Friday, June 02, 2006

Memory (part 1)

I was going throught some old data files, when I found a data file that brought a smile to my face.

It was about a year and half after Anakin join the order, we ( Erifia, Kriss, Anakin, Aayla, and myself) had found ourselves placed in a small clan. As to why, I still don't fully understand but I don't question the will or wisdom of the council.

If I remember correctly it was the first class as a group that we all were in the same room for the first time. That's when fighting started between Erifia and Aayla. I don't really remember why but I think it had something do with Erifia third Lekku.

I don't remember a think a day since then that Erifia and Aayla could be seen or heard fighting over something or other.

Then there was quiet Kriss, and and for some reason just knew how to sit back watch all of this and not step in and try to stop them from hurting each other.

Plus there was Anakin, who'd try just about everything he knew to make Erifia and Aayla stop fighting. When that didn't work he start yelling in a strange language. I think that only stopped them once. At one time he said me that the language was Huttese.

It was durring Erifia and Aayla's that Master Windu, came running in to the room and firmly yelled "Younglings! Stop this fighting right now!"

The room became dead quite as Master Windu looked at all of us and calmly said "Be glade that I'm not your teacher. But as of this moment, you are all required to make a complete list of what you think is involved in Jedi training."

Here's what we turned in as a group!

WISDOM & Inner peace
Teaching the students to meditate, use the force to calm themselve, not use the dark side, ect. Teahing them to become good, wise, natural leaders, above all else.

Telekenisis, telepathy, mind tricks, ect. All the cool tricks that Jedi can use with the Force, plus teaching them about it's nature, so that they can continue to improvise and use the Force in new and original ways.

This is obviously important, as a Jedi is expected to be ready for a fight at a moment's notice, with his lightsaber always slung at his side.

engaging in hand to hand combat with or without his/her light saber

A Jedi should be versed in several languages, if he is to operate efficiently as a peacekeepr and a mediator throughout the galaxy.

It seems to me that Jedi always seem to know their way around an engine room. This makes sense, since they have to do a lot of space travel. Plus they have to build their own lightsabers.

Teaching the students to meditate, use the force to calm themselve, not use the dark side, ect. Teahing them to become good, wise, natural leaders, above all else.

Telekenisis, telepathy, mind tricks, ect. Al the cool tricks that Jedi can use with the Force, plus teaching them about it's nature, so that they can continue to improvise and use the Force in new and original ways.

OK, but at the end of their training they must pass the Trials. These are four tests that force them to show what they have learned. There is the Trial of Skill, Trial of Flesh, Trial of Courage, and Trial of the Spirit.

A Jedis Training revolves around one thing and only one thing, the Will of the Force.

All these other things that have been stated are the Sentients admonishments to what they believe a Jedi should be. Each jedi is different, some cannot express certain abilities like Telekinesis, (AKA Corran Horn), so making it a requirment of his/her training would be not only cruel, but an undue punishment.

These things were done for thousands of years and the Jedi did not grow, nor did the Jedi learn. So perhpas, instead of training the Jedi, it made them stagnate into a complacent Order. Their training served them as a whole to handicap them.

Another thing they study is the Jedi Code.

I'm pretty sure that it involves carrying your master on your back through a jungle.
But that may be just for advanced students. Or for really small masters

I pity the man who learns from a Hutt Jedi then

If I remember correctly, Anakin wrote these last two down.

It took us about two weeks nonstop to write this list (while Erifia and Aayla fighting over the wording towards the end). Then nearly another week for any one of us to become friends or much less stand in the same room for an hour.