Monday, December 25, 2006

Holiday post (Small break and it's fun)

I saw this last year and thought it sounded like fun.

Write a fictional remembrance for Wookie Life Day (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Christmas or...) holiday.


If your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL CHRISTMAS MEMORY of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad -- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. And, if you feel like it, when you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) with the memories people can create.

Oh and a second treat for everyone is this nice neat little card.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Have a safe Wookie Life Day (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Christmas or...) holiday.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Out of body experence part 1


My eyes open on their own as I hear “Child your not suppose to be here.” a gentle voice said slowly.

“Where’s here?” I ask quickly as I raise from a laying position to a sitting position

“Look around you, young one.” The voice said as I quickly looked around to see white as far as I could see and the figure of a female figure several feet away.

“I don’t understand,” I lightly said.

“Don’t you know what happened down there?” the voice asked

“No!” I cried then quickly asked “Am I dead?”

“No, you are in limbo” the voice said.

“Limbo!?” I asked as it register that I could in fact be dead.

“Yes, but worry not young one. Your not dead yet.” The voice flatly stated, then added. “You can still go back if you wish.”

“And if I do not?” I asked wondering what would happen to my body.

“Then you truly are dead, and I highly doubt that you will want that.” the voice said then without missing a beat added “Not that you’d have much to go back to.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You see right now your body is in comatose state until you decide what your going to do.” The voice flatly stated.

“And just how long will my body be in a coma?” I quickly asked.

“As long as you’re here and don’t move on.” the voice answered.

“Move on?” I asked.

“Yes,” The voice flatly stated then when on to say “As long as you stay here and not go back or move forward your body will remind in the coma.”

“But how did I end up here?” I asked.

“Your body shut it self down after being drained from using far more force powers then it is use to ” The voice answered then added “Your powers have since tripled since you left the temple, but that should not concern you for the moment. You need to choose but choose wisely about what your going to do. You best think long and hard, stay here think about going back or moving on.”

“And if I don’t leave here and go back, then what happens to my body?” I asked.

“You already know the answer to that young one.” the voice answered back and went on to say “However I can not help you choose your path only answer your questions. And I must say you haven’t been behaving like a Mirialan lady or Jedi Padawan. But given the state of things as they are, I’ll let your small mistakes go for now.”

My mind raced as I wondered how this being could know such things about me.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Medical Transport


I woke in a transport of some sort .

I felt it take off but I didn’t see anyone close by to call for help.

I as tried to raise to sitting position, but felt my body struggle again it. I raised my head and looked down at straps that across my chest and legs.

I felt my eyelids turning into lead doors as they quickly closed tightly.


“How she doing?” Asked one of the attending as she walked up to the med bed.

“Far as I can tell, no external injuries but she could internal injuries or worse.” The other attending flatly stated as she also went to the med bed and started with gently open one of young woman’s eyes and shinned a light into her eye. “No reaction to light.”

“Ma’am if you can hear me, squeeze my hand.“ the first attendant said as she waited for the young woman to try and respond to her request. After about 10 tense minutes of waiting “Nothing.” the attendant cried as she wrote it down in the medical file.

“ She could be in a comma.” the second attendant said aloud as she continued on with checking the woman vitals.

“Brian damage?” the first attending asked worried looked down at the young woman.

“We won’t know that until we get her to the hospital.” The second attendant stated as she continued to watch the young woman vital fail “Just how much longer till we’re at the hospital?”

“Our ETA is 10 minutes,” The driver stated.

Grapping for a neck brace, the second attendant called out to the driver “Careful with that driving, we don’t need more trouble back here.” as she fitted the brace around the young woman’s neck. As she turned to the first attendant and asked “Why wasn’t this done when first?”

‘I…I….I wasn’t sure it was needed.” the first attendant flatly stated

“We always use one, even if it looks like one is not needed.” The second attendant stated as she went on “If this young woman has brain damage, we could be liable because we didn’t use one, understand. And since we didn’t put one on her till now, I’m going to have to report it. It may end up costing us both our jobs.”

The first attendant sadly hung her head in defeat, then asked “How much longer to the medical center?”

“We’re just pulling up.” The driver called back to the attendants then added. “A medical team is waiting for her in room 1 with another team on stand by if she needs surgery..”

The attendants prepared the floating medical lift to carry the young woman into the hospital.

“What’s her status?” Called out of the doctors as she rushed out the medical centers doors.

“No external injuries but she hasn’t awoken since we got her on the transport. I tried to get a reaction to light, sound and touch so for she hasn‘t responded. All other vitals are weak but they are also strong at times. Plus we didn‘t get the brace on her till her had her in the medical transport.”

The doctor nodded as she looked down and said “Miss, if you can hear me. My name is Doctor Delary, I’m with the Southern Woman’s Hospital. Your going to be ok. “ She said as she ran with the floating medical lift.


Saturday, November 04, 2006

Hours later


After checking and rechecking his vitals.

“He’s dead!” I cried out.

‘Your troubles have only just started.’ the voice in my head said as I hung my head as shook set in.

I sat in the side street and held him close as I cried for several hours before looking up as a group of elderly ladies walked by the side street.

“Please,” I begged them “Help me!”

I sat there and watched as each of elder Mirialan ladies all shook their heads no and walked away.

I drew him closer to me as I waited for someone to help me.

I sat there crying for several hours before a local security patrol found me.

“Miss!?” I heard one say “Are you two alright?”

“I’m not sure.” I cried as I held his body closer to mine.

I watched as security officer kneeled down and looked at me then at him. “Oh dear.” as he looked back at me. “Madam, your husband is dead!” he flatly stated.

‘Husband!?’ I stated back as I pass out from shook of the whole ordeal.


The security officer then looked at his team and quickly handed out order.

“Dennoll, get this sector secure. Releon, contact the nearest medical ward. And tell them we’ve got two coming in. One dead, and the other we’re not sure of her injuries at this time.”

“Yes sir!” Both men said as the ran about to their assigned duties.

The security officer looked at Barriss and said “I just hope we got here in time to save you.” as he stood there waiting for Releon to help move both bodies to medical center.

When Releon came back with transports on stand by. Then two of them start by moving the young female off the young male. “They are dying younger and younger sir.” stated Releon as he helped his captain in loading the young female into one of two waiting transports.

“That they are.” The officer that was first on the scene replied as he went back to help with the young male’s body.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

First day alone


I nodded an agreement before turning towards the mess that Koko drink had made in the room.

I didn’t hear Erifia leave but she must have because as soon as I turned to ask her something she wasn’t in the room anymore.

‘That’s odd, she didn’t even say goodbye.’ I told myself as I sat down on the bed.

‘She left because even she knows that you are not worthy of the title of Jedi knight.’ I heard the voice in my head say.

“No! She‘ll be back soon. She just went off to get something from her ship” I said out loud to quiet the voice and to give myself a break from its ranting as well.

I slowly cleaned up the mess , then I sat back and watch the hours pass by as I waited for Erifia to return.

‘See all this waiting and she still hasn’t come back. I told you she couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you.’ The voice stated as I balled my hands into fists.

“I don’t believe you.” I angrily stated back.

‘Oh but you do! You wouldn’t get angry if you didn’t.’ The voice stated as I started crying.

Without thinking I grabbed my cloak, ran from the room out and into the streets for Lemorn.

I brushed past several young Mirialan women before realizing that my cloak had slipped off my head and my skull cape could be seen by all. I slowed down as I grabbed my hood I forcedly placed it back on my head and breathed a sigh of relief as I walked on.

As I walked around I felt someone come up behind me. As I went to reach for my lightsaber I felt the blaster being pressed into my back as I heard a male voice say “You’re coming with me.” As I realized that my lightsaber wasn’t with me.

‘Foolish child!’ The voice in my head said as I bowed my head as the man lead me away from main streets to a side street.

His hands grabbed me roughly and turned me towards him. “What a pretty thing like you, doing out and about without an escort?” He asked as he ran right hand down my left arm.

I shook as I shook my head no. I tried to speak but nothing was coming out.

He shook me hard as he said “Don’t lie to me! I’ve been following you since you left your hotel room.”

I shook my head as I tried to push him away ‘You will not get away from him, he will kill you.’ the voice stated as I tried once again to push him away with the force.

When even that didn’t work, I hung my head in defeat as I tried to gather the force in attempt to protect myself.

‘That’s right just give up. You know it is useless to fight him.’ The voice in my head.

I screamed as lightning shot from my hands and landed directly on his chest.

His screams echoed in the side street, as I stood there watching him lying on the ground dying. As his screams died down, I stopped and fell to the ground beside him.

“What have I done?” I cried as I tried to turn him over to see if he was still alive.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Order, well more orders then I need!


Cross over with Erifia Apoc

"Orders!?" I stuttered. 'See even she doesn't trust you.' the voice in my head stated as I asked "What do you mean by orders?"

"Do you trust me? If you do, Padawan, than you'll follow your master's orders." Erifia stated as she waited.

'Tell her no!' The voice yelled as I slowly said "Yes, I do trust you with my life," then I bowed my head before saying "Of course, Master."

"I order you to stay here, on your home planet, getting to know your people. Once you know your people and culture again, I order you to call me. If you leave this planet until that point, you are in direct violation of my orders. Are we clear Padawan?" Erifia asked as she waited for my answer.

'Tell her no! Tell her you don't need her order.' The voice said as I slowly said "Yes Master." Then I heard the voice say 'You fool!' as I asked then asked "And if the council calls me back, then what Master?"

"Then you contact me, and I will handle the council. Understand?" she calmly stated.

"Yes Master." I replyed.

"Excellent. Good. Padawan, I have another order I want you to follow more carefully than anything I've ever told you before," she said as she sat down next to me and took my hand in hers, "Take care of yourself, okay Barriss? You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you."

I waited for voice to say something as I looked into Erifia's eyes before saying "I will take care of myself Erifia, don't you worry about that. As you are mine, I just don't want to lose what we have." 

'But you already have.' the voice quietly said.

"We won't… I need to let you think my dear, I'm sorry I've intruded on your rest for so long." Erfia calmly said.

"You didn't intrude, Erifia." I slowly said as I tried to gathered me thoughts.

"Don't butter it up, I intruded. I know I did, I was just concerned for you." she said.

I shook my head to keep the voice quiet before I said "No Erifia, you didn't intrude. I know it doesn't mean much but you helped me." Then I thought about before saying "A healer being healed by a fighter, do you know how rare that it is?"

"I consider it a friend being healed by a friend." She lightly stated.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

the leason from a Koko bottle!


Cross over with Erifia Apoc

"Erifia, I'm a healer!" I stated and quickly read the label "Besides if you had read the label it stated that the contents are under pressure."

"I will shake it then, to demonstrate…"” as Erifia grabbed the bottle and began to shake, in hard and long strides. And after a moment, she set it on the ground. Then she took several steps away, and pointed at it as it shook a little, "Notice how unstable it is, how it cannot stand on its own. How with all the pressure inside it is trying to break it."

'I'm growing tired of this guessing game Erifia.' I told myself as I looked from Erifia to the bottle and back. Then I asked "And your point is?"

"Such is a Jedi’s soul, a Jedi’s person when they bottle emotion," She stated as spun the lid off the top, and it exploded, sending koke throughout the room, "Without a safe release for the anger, we are all bound to end up with the same fate as that bottle."

'This is just great Erifia! Now who's going to clean up this mess?' I told myself as I slowly answered "I see!" Then without really thinking about it I lookied at Erifia and said “Maybe it’s best then that I leave the order."

I stood there watching a single tear run down Erifia face as I heard a voice in my head say 'See if she really cared, she'd be fighting for you.'

"You’ve been so brainwashed!" I heard her screech through my thoughts, "Just because you broke a rule doesn’t mean you have to quit! I was trying to keep you in the order, to keep you sane, and whole…"

"And I thank you for that but I broke more then one rule. I also disobeyed the customs of my people." I sadly stated as I looked away trying to quiet the voice in my head.

"If I had a credit for every time I did that…" She stated then stopped.

'A credit for what quieting a voice in your head or breaking a rule?' I thought to myself. 'More likely both' the voice in my head said.

Feeling somewhat in control I looked at Erifia and then said "Oh Erifia! If I leave it will because I know I can’t be any good to anyone if I blow up like that koke bottle." As tears raced down my face as I went on to say “But right now, Erifia I need to heal myself. And I can’t do it back at the temple. I thought coming here alone would help me.”

'But there is not place that you can find that will do that for you.' The voice said loudly and I replyed back 'This is as close to my home planet as I could get, and if this place can't help me then maybe my home planet will.' Which caused the voice to become very quiet as Erifia said "I've got a solution, but you must follow my orders exactly."


Sunday, October 22, 2006



Cross over with Erifia Apoc

I quietly opened the door to the refresher and carefully walked towards the bed.

"Up a little late," Erifia asked softly.

I dropped my bag at the sound of Erifia voice. 'Does she know what I just did?' I asked myself as I slowly said "I thought you were asleep." as I waited for her reply.

"I was, my lekkus wiggled and I woke." she calmly stated.

I hopped that was the only thing that did wake her up or there would be so many unwanted questions to answer.

"OH!" I stated as I raised an eyebrow. "How do you feel?"

"Well. That accursed Bacta makes me want more. Its pretty addictive, But I don't need it, so keep it away from me," Erifia stated and she smiled softly.

'Sounds like someone can't handle high doses of bacta, but why?' I asked myself as
I smiled back. Then I slowly stated "Yes it is! But it was either that or be in pain for a long time." as I looked down towards the floor. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"For what? I told you to. I'm sorry I hit you. I had to get you to release some of that anger."

I nodded my head as I said "But you shouldn't of had to." Then my eyes angrily flashed from the memory of hitting her. 'Her of all the Jedi in the galaxy to send to be with me. She had to be the one?' I asked myself as I waited.

"Barriss, you've been trained to bottle emotions, ever shake a bottle of koke? What happens?" Erifia asked.

"No Master, I've never had a bottle of koke before. Much less had one to shake." I answered back.

I noticed Erifia mouth widened to an O as she left the room. I stood there wondering what that had to do with anything. When Erifia returned she handed me a bottle of koko, to which I gently took from her as she said “Shake the bottle.”

"You want me to do what?" I asked as I looked at the bottle.

“Shake the bottle.” she said again.

'And this is going to exlpain what?' I asked myself as I lightly shook the battle, then looked at Erifia. "I do not see what this will accomplish." I lightly stated.

“Shake the bottle. Shake it hard and shake it long. Do not be gentle with it.” She stated.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Where's Master Barriss??

She has not come back and I worried. She said she would be here to see me off to my classes and she not.

Where did she go?
Did she have to go?
Why could not she be here?

Even Master Barriss friend Master Erifia not home.

Master Erifia promised me ice-scream, and now I won't get any ice-scream! And now I really sad.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Just a Short Trim part 2


'I was right these are just like the ones at the temple.' I told myself as I stood crying as I watched as the hair on the floor dissolved before my eyes. After the hair was gone I shut off the refresher and walked back to the sink. Once there I picked up the shaving cup and looked at it.

The instructions on the side of the cup said to add a little water to the cup before use.

I turned on the water, then I removed the brush before I added the water to the cup.

Once I had added the water to the cup, I slowly took off my shirt and laid it on the counter. Looking around I found a small towel, that I laid on my shoulders before looking in the mirror. The face that looked back at me, was one of a scared little girl.

I shook my head then softly said "Calm down Barriss, there's nothing to be scared about." as my heart thundering in my chest.

I looked away from the mirror as I picked up the cup and started to slowly placing the brush in the cup. I felt my hands shake as I slowly turned the brush in the cup, causing the soup to foam.

As the foam started to overfill the cup I took the brush out, slowly started to brush the foam into the remaining hair on my head.

Once that was done, I picked up the razor and slowly raised it up to my head. I carefully ran the blade across my head.

After a few strokes, I lowered the blade away from my head. I turned on the water in the sink and carefully rinsed the blade off before I inspected the blade to see if it was getting dull. Noticed that it wasn’t I continued shaving my head clean of hair.

I looked into the mirror as I removed the towel from my shoulders. 'Oh my!' I cried out in my mind as I felt the tears race down my face. I wiped away my tears as I reached up and touched my bare skull for the first time.

I ran my fingers across the smooth skin, as I lightly let my tears fall. 'What have I done?' I asked myself looked in the mirror again.

Looking down and then around the room, I noticed the mess that I had made from shaving my head. 'I best clean this up before anyone see it.' I told myself as I grabbed the towel that I had used earlier to do so.

It took half hour to clean up but once done I started to itch like crazy.

"Now what!?" I softly cried out as I decided what to do about the itching.

Completely undressing I took all of my clothing and the towel that I had used earlier and throw them all into a small washer/dryer that was in the room.

Once that was done I then set the refresher to soft rain as I stepped into it and washed the loose hair that was making me itch so.

The water slowly washed the loose hair away and the itching went away as well.

Stepping out of the refresher I grabbed a towel as I reset the refresher to dissolve the hair that was in still in there as I wrapped the towel around and started to dry my body off.

Hearing the buzzer for the dryer go off. I carefully walked over and removed each item separately .

Dressing quickly, I carefully put everything back into the small bag that I took out. Then carefully put it back into my traveling bag.


Friday, October 06, 2006

Just a short trim Part 1


I looked back over my shoulder and checked on Erifia. 'Good she's still asleep.' I told myself as I entered the refresher.

Quietly closing the door, I then quickly locked the door behind me. 'I don't need her seeing what I'm about to do.' I told myself as I quickly took off my cloak and hung it on one of four pegs.

I slowly walked over to the sink and set my traveling bag on the counter on it.

I looked at the face in the mirror as I softly said "I know the laws of my people, and I have broken one." as I opened my bag, reached in and grabbed a small bag that Master Luminara had given to me.

‘Remember Barriss, that Mirialan women never show their hair to anyone but their life partners . But the day should come and your hair is seen by anyone but you for any reason, I want you to have this.’ Master Lumaniara stated as she handed the bag to me. I heard her words as clearly today as that day as I removed the bag from my travel bag.

I felt the tears welling up as I placed the bag on the counter. ‘Not now!’ I told myself as I once again splashed water on my face.

After about 5 minutes I got my emotions back under control. I slowly opened the bag and looked into it for the first time.

In the bag was a razor, shaving bar with cup and some sort of brush, scissors, a form of baby oil, and other odd lot of items. Some I had seen and some I had not seen before. I carefully took out each item and laid then all on the counter.

‘Barriss we must always maintain our heritage. Live by the Mirialan laws and that of Jedi code.‘
Master Luminara stated as she explained to a once when I was 9 years old.

I looked in the mirror as I took off my skull cape and looked at my hair.
“I understand now what I must do now Master.” I said out loud as I reached for the scissors that I pulled out.

With my left hand I reached up with my left hand and grabbed a hand full of hair and started cutting my hair with the scissors in my right hand.

As I started to cut I could feel my right hand start to shake. “Calm down, breath!” I quietly said as I calmed myself down.

I listened to the scissors go snip, snip as the first hand full of hair was cut away. Once the hair was cut away I laid it on the counter. Then I rinsed the scissors off and then I reached up and grabbed another handful.

I continued to cut my hair off until I reached my padawan braid. I looked in the mirror as I pondered on what to do. ‘Leave it,’ I told myself as I stopped and listened to see if Erifia had wakened up.

Hearing nothing, I looked down at the pile of hair and wondered what I should do about it. Gathering it up I looked at the refresher and wondered if it was like the ones at the temple.

‘Well there’s only one way to find out.’ I told myself as I walked over to it.

Setting the hair on the floor of the refresher, I walked back out and shut the door. Then I walked over to the control panel and pushed a button called dissolve.


Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Orders from a Master


This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

My mind raced as Erifia pushed me, ‘What does she think she going to prove by pushing me.’ I asked myself as I held myself in check.

“BECAUSE YOU ARE WHAT I CAN’T BE.” I yelled as she pushed me.

“Yeah?” she stated as she shoved me again, “I’m a Jedi Knight! I love being a Jedi Knight! I loved it so much, they made me a Master. I’ve been a knight for three years! Loving every single minute of it… Oh, you’re just a silly padawan, huh?”

‘Yeah right! Is that why you hate it so much?’ I asked myself as I yelled at her “NO!! BECAUSE YOU’RE A FIGHTER AND I’M NOT.” then I waited for her reply.

She punched me before saying “Then fight with me.”

“NO!” I yelled more to stop myself then anything else. As I was speaking I reached out with my left hand and slapped her in the face. As I balled my right hand and punched her in the stomach.

Then she hit me again before I could say “No, Erifia I won’t hit you again.” Then I narrowed my eyes before adding, “Not while your hurt.” I was trying to remember all of my training but more and more I couldn’t recall as I started to see bits and pieces of red hate growing in my mind.

“That shows how useless of a healer you are,” she flatly stated.

I saw red as I just started hitting Erifia over and over again. “I’M NOT A USELESS HEALER!” I yelled as continued to hit her. I couldn’t stop myself I just kept hitting her over and over again. Until she stumbled backwards and dropped into a big chair.

“Now how do you feel?” Erifia asked in soft tones.

‘How do you think I feel? I feel like I just nearly killed a friendship? Or worse?‘ I told myself as I slow fell to my knees bfore I stated “Like a weight as been taken off my shoulders.”

‘But was it really gone?’ I asked myself ‘Or have I dug it deeper inside of me by allowing myself to hit her?’

Erifia smiled at me as she said, “Good. Now I’ve got so much to teach you… But If you’ll excuse me, I think I need to inject myself with bacta and take a nap…”

‘Did I really hurt her that bad? Was all my training just ruined by hitting her?’ I asked myself over and over again. Then I slowly asked “Teach?” as I slowly pondered if she really could teach me something I already didn’t know about the force.

“Yeah,” Erifia responded, “Teach you how to live with your emotions so they don’t make you explode.”

Nodding I then turned and went to my bag and reached inside and grabbed a small vile of bacta. Removing the cover for the needle, with the cover in hand, I turned back to Erifia.

I raised an eyebrow as I saw her sleeping in the chair. ‘Well now maybe this will be easier then I was planning.’ I told myself as I walked up to her and gently forced the needle into her left arm.

As I pressed the plunger down, I checked Erifia vitals. When the vile was empty, I gently took the needle out of her arm and recapped the needle. Then I quickly set it aside as I picked up Erifia and laid her on the bed.

After which I grabbed the vile and walked back to my bag. ‘I can get rid of this later.’ I told myself as I stuffed the vile into the bag.

I turned back to Erifia sleeping form, ’Well at least she’ll get a good nights sleep.’ I told myself as I grabbed my travel bag and walked towards the refresher.


Sunday, October 01, 2006

Missing Master Barriss!

When is she coming back?
Is she coming back to the temple?
Will I be placed with a new master?

Someone please help me find the answers!!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Yell! I'll Yell!

Read these first so your not lost
Part 7
Part 8
part 9
part 10
This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

I just glared at Erifia but didn't say a word as I waited for her to go on. My mind raced as I remembered that fear was the path to dark side.

"Barriss. I cannot teach you more until you are willing to learn. Do you want to hear what I have to say?" Erifia stated as she waited for my answer.

'Willing to learn!?!?!? But I’ve always been willing to learn. But lately it feels like I should I've been lied to by everyone.' I told myself as I flatly said "Yes, I like to hear what you have to say."

"You have to let yourself feel these things. If you don't, you'll build up and want to kill everyone you care for. See what's it done to you? You've contained resentment for Lumaniara and now it is hurting you." She said as if that was the only thing that matter at all.

I narrowed my eyes as she said Master Luminara's name. 'How would she know that?' I asked myself and then then I reminded myself that she too is a Jedi before thinking 'And what right did she have getting inside my mind?' as I thought over what to really say to her.

"I don’t know how to let myself feel those things, Erifia." I slowly stated as tears streamed down my face due to the truth behind of her words.

"I can teach you," Erifia stated as she squeezed my shoulder softly.

"But would you take me on, knowing that I want kill you." I asked as I reached up and grabbed her hand to make sure she really was here with me. Well, not another force ghost like Master Qui-Gon back in the temple.

“Eh… That’s no big deal. Everyone wants to kill me, why not you too?” she stated as if that didn’t matter to her one way or another.

My mind raced as her words fell down around my feet and mixing with my tears. “No, Master!” I flatly stated “That’s not the way it should be.” As I waited and wondered what was she really was thinking.

"Let's start with this, I am ordering you to yell at me knight. Hit me if you want. I want you to yell and yell, yell at me about all the things I've done to you." she stated as she waited for me to do what she ordered.

I looked at Erifia waiting for her to laugh, then I realized that she wasn't kidding. I slowly said "I don’t yell much and why would I yell at you?"

My mind screamed as I thought 'Erifia if I hit you, I could and possible will kill you!'

"Because I ordered you to, knight," Erifia said in an almost demeaning way.

'Is she reading my thoughts?' I asked myself as I yelled "I'M NOT A KNIGHT, I'M STILL A PADAWAN!" while thinking if this is what she wants then she'll get it. Then without thinking I reached into my skull cape, grabbed behind my right ear and pulled my padawan braid and showed it to Erifia while yelling. "SEE THIS!?!? UNTIL THE COUNCIL REMOVES THIS I'M STILL A PADAWAN."

"Oh, that's right," Erifia said, "You're just a useless padawan."

"EVEN THOUGH I AM A PADAWAN, I'M NOT USELESS." I yelled directly at her. As mad as I was I was more mad at myelf for yelling at her then at her for making me yell.

"Prove it, Padawan. Yell at me! Useless jedi. What have you done?" She stated as she waited for me do as she asked.


"Yet you hit me? You want to kill me," she said as she sat up, and then pushed my shoulder while asking. "What kind of a healer are you?"

My mind raced as she pushed me, 'What does she think she going to prove by pushing me.' I asked myself as I held myself in check.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

If death were as easy as a friend giving their ok

Read these first so your not lost
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
part 9
This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

I watched over Erifia as I healed her, wondering why she was here on Lemorn of all places and not back at the temple where she should have been.

Shaking my head, I told myself 'I don’t need distractions like those thoughts now.'

Erifia breathing was quiet and shallow as I continued to heal her. 'Lucky for her, she won't have any permanent scarring.' I told myself.

'But I have years of scarring that this form of healing won't fix.' I reminded myself as I stepped back as she started to toss and turn in her sleep.

I wanted to grab a pillow and smother her with it, but I stopped myself when I saw that Erifia had her eyes open and slowly asking "Are my lekkus okay?" with questioning look in her eyes.

I looked at her with sad eyes before answering, "They'll be tender for a while, but that also in time will pass."

I waited for her to say something but when she didn't I turned away and asked "Why are you here?"

"For you… You kind of left me hanging at the temple. The council was a little upset," She laughed a bit before going on, "So Master Yoda made me a master… How weird huh? I know you are a knight, but will you be my padawan until we can get that braid removed?"

Her answer surprised me that I tried to calm myself as I thought to myself 'Great, this is just great!! She thinks I'm a knight!' as I felt the tears well up and fall down my face.

"You'll have to forgive me, Master! But I couldn't control my emotions.” I cried softly "And I still can't control them, not the way the council rules allows us to be."

"Barriss, Barriss… Calm down… Its okay, its me. I'm your friend. I care about you. I love you. Sometimes you make me sad, sometimes mad, but you make me happy… You hear that? I feel emotion… Calm down Okay?" Erifia calmly stated as she tried to comfort me.

I then realized why she was here. 'That can not be!?!?!? she won’t go and kill me, would she?' I asked myself as I wiped away my tears before asking "You're here to do their will?"

Erifia tried to comfort me as she said "No Barriss. I'm here to make sure you are okay? You can talk to me."

'Can I..can I really talk to you?' I asked myself as I slowly said "Erifia, I'm not ok. I’m not even sure if I'll ever be ok." then I turned and looked at Erifia before saying. "Right now I want to kill you, and I know that's not right."

And I do want to kill her, my mind was made up moments before that I should have. But I didn't, 'What stopped me?' I asked myself as I listened to Erifia ask "Why? I'm okay with you wanting to kill me, but tell me why. Give me a reason."

I looked at Erifia hard before saying, "I don't know!! I've tried everything I know and I still can't find a reason as to why."

That for the most part was true, I couldn't find a reason as to why I wanted to kill her. Maybe that answer wasn't meant to be found.

"Then kill me," she calmly stated , "If you think you'll get the answers that way. I'm very weak right now. I couldn't fight you too terribly hard. I've been through a lot, I've wanted to kill everyone around me. I felt lost, I felt I didn't deserve life, Barriss. You and I aren't the same person. So I don't know what you need to find your way. But if killing me will give you peace, then kill me."

'That's it, that's the answer.' My mind shouted out.

'Or is it?' I questioned myself as I slowly stated "No, Erifia I won't kill you in this state." before I went on to say "If I was to kill you, it would be a fair fight." Then I reached out with the force and showed her my dreams, well only bits and pieces of death that I saw all around me. I felt her wince before I asked "Why am I not where I need to be, Master?"

'Was I needed as a healer or was I really needed as a fighter or somewehre else in the temple?' I asked myself as I waited for her reply.

"Because you are afraid of where that path may lead you." she stated as I thought over her words.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Finding a Friend

Read these first so your not lost
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

I followed the inn keeper around the inn as he slowly took me to my room.

The only thing that I could think about was Erifia and how disappointed she's going to be that I didn't wait for her in the quiet room. 'Oh, well! At least she doesn't have to worry about me killing her.' I told myself as he slide the key into keyhole.

"Here you go, Ms Ofee!" The inn keeper said politely as he turned the key and opened the door.

"Thank you." I stated as I waited for him to either leave or hand the keys over.

"Well, if you need anything at all." He slowly said as he handed over the keys "I'll be at front desk."

I nodded and watched as he felt down the hallway.

'Well, this is it.' I told myself 'Home sweet home.' as I slowly started to turn on the overhead light.

The room was bare with just a bed, a two chairs, table, small closet, and even smaller refresher. "This is nice." I said out loud enough to fill the dead space in the room.

After unpacking and taking a short nape, I dressed, picked up the keys and felt the room. While thinking to myself 'There got to more something that I can do to fill in this time here.'

As I walked I felt eyes on me but wasn't sure why. 'Everything was in order when I left the room.' I told myself as I continued on my way.

I walked past two women and it reminded me of the time that Master Luminara and I were like that. 'To be like that again would be wonderful.' I told myself as I stopped as a group of women had formed a circle around someone.

At first I didn't really know who it was but then they looked right at me "It's Erifia!' my mind screamed as I watched her take hit after hit from the Mirialan women.

I could feel the displeasure from the women in the way that Erifia was dressed. By far most of the women were more upset with the fact that she wasn't wearing a head covering.

I watched as their blows caused Erifia to fall to the ground.

"No," I screamed out as I ran towards the group.

I forced my way towards Erifia as I slowly made each woman there remember errands that they needed to get done.

"Erifia?" I cried as I dropped to my knees.

"I've got good news for you…" Erifia said softly, as she closed her eyes, "I am now a Master… I can be your master…" as her eyes closed completely.

But I barely heard Erifia words as I picked her up and carried her back to the inn that I was staying at.

'Erifia, you really need to go on diet,' I told myself as I walked back to the inn. Once there I slowly allowed myself to join with Erifia life-force and heal her.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Home sweet home, well sort of!

Read these first so your not lost
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

As I sat there I pondered where I should go, and the only answer that made any sense was to go back home to Mirial or to one of the Mirialan moons.

'Given my choices, I'll take my luck on one of the moons.' I told myself as I watched the ship prepare to jump to light speed.

I slept during the tripe to Mirialan moon Lemorn, and as I landed my ship on a one of the landing docks. I noticed that the planet hadn't changed since the last time I had visited it.

'Nothing ever changes, does it?' I asked myself as I reached for my bag and then thought. 'And nothing ever will.' As I unclipped my lightsaber and tucked it in my travel bag.

I walked away from the ship, and towards the port and see about getting a place to stay. 'In these places, the locals don't like outsiders.' I remember Master Luminara sayings once while she was teaching me of our home world.

I don't watch were I was going until I came upon a inn that she and I stayed at the a year ago.

The inn appearance on the outsides was old, almost falling apart but inside was a different story. Last time it was warm, inviting, almost made you think of home when you walked in.

I noticed that few to hardly any lights where on, 'Maybe the inn has closed?' I asked myself as I knocked on the door.

After my third knock, the inn keeper opened the door and peered out at me. Recognizing me from before he said "Welcome, welcome!" as he stepped a side allowing me to enter.

Once inside I noticed that there were a few changes. Last time the entryway was bright and cheerful, now it was still bright but not as cheerful.

"Are you here alone or will your friend be joining you soon?" The Inn keeper asked with a smile.

"I’m not sure." I replied slowly. I wasn’t sure what the council was going to do, if anything at all.

"Ah!" The Inn keeper stated and waited for me to go on.

I really looked at the Inn keeper and noticed that his clothes were a little worn and torn in several places. 'He looks like he hasn't eaten in days!' I told myself as I asked, "Do you have any rooms available?"

"Yes, I do still have a room available." The Inn keeper said as he showed me to the check in desk and waited.

"May I rent it from you?" I asked slowly.

"Why, yes you may." The Inn keeper said as he reached for his books. Then he asked "May I get an name, please?"

I nearly freaked out, I hadn't thought about what name I was going to use or if I was going to keep the name I've known most my life. I made up my mind and said "Baris Ofee."

"Could you please spell if for me," The Inn keeper politely asked as he waited with his pen ready to write as I spelled it out for him.

"Thank you," He said and then added "You and your friend paid me too much the last time you were here so this stay on me." He proudly said as I slowly thought about how I was going to pay for the room.

"Oh?" I said, wondering why Master Luminara would have done such a thing for in the first place.

"Yes," He happily stated "I couldn't find either of you the last time and thought that if her or you came back I would do what I could to make sure to set everything right."

"That is nice of you to remember us," I stated as I waited to be shown to my room.

"Please, follow me." he happily stated as he came around the desk with a set of keys. Then he smiled as he took the lead towards one of the rooms as I followed him.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Not looking back

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

I climbed back to my feet, maybe I could leave. Leave all of this behind; and go somewhere anywhere and get my head back on straight. 'But where would I go?' I asked myself I walked around the room.

'There's no place safe that I could go and not be found by the council.' I told myself as I stopped in the middle of the room.

'But I wanted to hurt Master Luminara and just now I could have hurt Erifia as well.' I reminded myself as I brushed my braid out of my face and tucked it back into my skull-cap as I waited for Erifia to return.

"Would you really risk leaving the temple?" Asked a voice I haven't heard in a long time.

"Master Qui-Gon Jinn!?!?" I said as I looked around the room for him.

"Hello Barriss," he whispered.

I fell to my knees as I slowly tried to come to terms of his present being in the room with me. "What do you mean risk leaving the temple?" I asked as I waited for his reply, knowing full well what he meant.

"Running away from your problems will solve nothing, young one. Surly you know that?" He said as I stood there by a window waiting for my answer. But I didn't say anything but waited for him to go on.

"If you leave your troubles will only follow you," Qui-Gon said when waited for my reply.

"Yes Master I do, but." I started to say then stopped for I felt like kicking down the door and leaving and then he said "But what?"

"I don't know, Master," I cried.

"Why is your heart so troubled, Barriss? Do you think you are unworthy?" Master Qui-Gon asked.

"I...I...I..." I cried, I couldn't say it, even to him I couldn't say it. And it made me cry harder then I ever did before in my life.

"Let it out, Barriss, spill out your heart in words..." He said trying his best to comfort me.

"That is something I'm not trained to do." I cried as I hung my head

"Feelings can not be helped. Trained or not." He said with a knowing smile.

"But I am better then this, I've been trained to be in control. Not the other way around." I stated.

I heard him sigh deeply before saying, "Control is a point of view and highly misinterpreted. All of us lose that control once and a while and fall off our path." He slowly stated.

I glared at him, then stood and ran from the room.

'I don't need him or his advice anymore.' I told myself as I hurried towards my room.

As I entered I grabbed for my already packed traveling bag and made a mad dash from the room.

I didn't even watch were I was going until I was standing on the landing platform. I didn't look back to see if anyone was following me as I ran towards one of the Jedi fighters and climbed in and as I dried my tears. As I slowly fired the engines up and waited till all systems were good to go.

When the systems read that I was green to go. I set course and felt the ship take off as I sat back in the seat.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Tears and Angry words

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

As I waited I heard a voice call out "Hey... Hey sweetheart." I narrowed my eyes as I turned to see Erifia Apoc standing there.

Erifia said, "You look really bad, you need to talk?"

"Erifia!? What are you doing here?" I angrily asked as I waited for her to answer.

"I suppose that's not very important. Why you are on the verge of tears is," Erifia replied softly.

"I don't want to talk about it." I fired as I turned away and stared hard at the council chambers door. 'If she won't talk, then I won't tell her a word of what she wants to know.' I quickly told myself as I waited

"Don't you snip at me. We will go to the sparing room right now. Something is really, really bothering you for you to raise your voice like that." She stated as she stood there waiting.

'Let her wait' I told myself then I shook my head as I angrily said "Erifia, Master Luminara told me to stay here. And here's where I'll stay."

I then felt Erifia strong arms pushing me against a nearby wall. "Oh!! What did I do to deserve this rage?" She asked as she held me against the wall.

"Nothing," I fired as my left hand went towards my lightsaber. "Leave me alone, Erifia! I don't..." 'want to hurt you' I told myself as stared at her.

"Do it," Erifia said, "Do it dear. Because if I did something to upset you so, than I deserve it."

"Erifia," I slowly said as my let go of my lightsaber. "I can't do this, I can't go in there, not now." I quietly said as I looked at the door and tried to understand why I felt like running away from them.

"I can go in for you..." Erifia replied, "They don't scare me anymore." Then Erifia held opened her arms as I slowly walked in that embrace. I felt a need to release it all and I had helped her maybe she could help me.

"Erifia, between being accepted as a healer and now having to go before the council to be knighted." I cried on her shoulder. "Ican'tdoit, Iknowthisnow."

"If you can't do it, you don't have to... okay? Its up to you if you even want to be a knight." Erifia slowly said as she rubbed my shoulders.

Tears flow down my face. "Erifia, I mad at them. All of them, but most of all her. All the lies, everything." I slowly cried as I went on to say, "I know I shouldn't be, but I am."

"If you don't want to be knighted yet, then don't go in. Okay? Maybe I can help you get rid of some of that anger okay?" She stated calmly.

I nodded then slowly said "But I'll have made her look like she's a bad master. I know she's not."

"Are you ready to be knighted?" Erifia asked firmly.

"Erifia, look at me. Do I look ready to you? Do I look like someone who's right now capable in doing so?" I asked as I dried my tears. 'Oh. please don't answer that.' I told myself as I pleaded with my eyes for some hope.

"Then if she feels you're ready to be knighted, and you are not, then she is a bad master," Erifia said with that knowing look of hers.

I nodded then said "Erifia, earlier I wanted to kill her. I didn't even know I had that inside of me. I'm a healer first and for most, I should have been trained against this. But I still wanted to hurt her, even had joy in wanting to watch her die."

'But I still feel like killing her.' I told myself as I waited for Erifia reaction.

"Oh...Barriss..." Erifia said pulling Barriss to her tighter, "You're not ready sweetie... You should be allowed to feel these things... What have they done to you?"

My eyes went wide as my mind raced and I kept asking myself 'That do she mean by that?'

I allowed Erifia to grab my hand and drag me into a nearby quiet room. "Barriss... Sweet Barriss... I understand why you want to do that... But...."

""But what Erifia?" I asked as I waited I slowly started to repeat the code to myself.

"Barriss... Please don't get angry at me, but we have some things we need to work out for you... Frell... We have some things I need to work out... But yours are far more important. Okay? If you want, I will go tell the council to not expect you... Or if you think you are ready, I will go knock half of them unconscious."

I felt my world fall apart as I slowly closed my eyes then said "Erifia, I know now that I'm not ready." turning my blue eyes to Erifia asked "But who's going to take me on now? I am certain that Luminara won't be able to take me back."

"I will take care of everything..." Erifia said, "It is the least, I can do for you."

Then I watched as Erifia walked out of the room, and as the door closed I cried out my disappointment in myself and my sorrows. As I cried I sank down to my knees and thought back to the day that Master Yoda had given me the title of Jedi knight, but I had not been placed before the council. I still had my Padawan braid and it needed to be removed by the council and I didn't have the heart to remove it myself. 'I should have!' I told myself as I took my right hand and reached into my skull-cap and pulled it out.

My mind raced as I thought back over what Erifia had said. The only thing that was becoming clearer and clearer was that 'She wants to help me, but she doesn't have to!' I told myself as I tried hard not to think any further then that.

'Why bother, they may just kick me out anyway.' I told myself as I sat there waiting for Erifia.

I couldn't believe that in all my years of training I didn't have the strength to go with Erifia and face the council. I blamed myself and my own weakness for this failure.

Council Meeting

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The lonely Walk

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

I followed Luminara out the room, pausing at the door allowing her to take the lead.

My heart was thundering in my chest as I walked behind her for the last time. I stayed two steps behind her the entire way to the council chambers.

As we came to the doors of the council, Luminara turned and faced me.

I felt the need to strike her down here, in front of the council chambers. But I buried that feeling down deep as I waited to hear what she had to say.

As I waited for her to speak, my thoughts were a scattered mess. I started questioning everything from my training to who my father was. Then I got the feeling that I'd been lied to. 'She going to tell me that she’s not my mother.' I told myself as I continued to wait.

She slowly took a step towards me, then stopped herself. "Barriss," she quietly said "wait here until your called in to the council chamber."

"Ok, Luminara." I said as I stood there watching as she turned and opened the door, and walked on in as if nothing as a miss.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Silence (golden or not?)

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

But I was sad, but try as I am I couldn’t let go of it. I buried it deep inside me as I forced myself to smile.

As Luminara sat down she held out the plate with the fruit on it.

"Thank you." I said as I took the plate from her and setting the plate down between us. As I tried to encourage her to eat some of the fruit with me.

Luminara sat back and watched as I nibbled on one of the pieces of fruit before taking one for herself.

As I sat there eating, I began pondering what she really thought of me. Was I her daughter? Or her Padawan? Or her former Padawan? Or did she think of me now as just another knight that she knows? My thoughts were betraying me, or was my heart?

I could feel the my tears building up, threatening to fall.

I heard Luminara take a sharp breath as she sat back and waited for me to finish the piece of fruit that I was eating.

I as swallowed down the last bite, I slowly asked "What's wrong?"

Fear shot through my body as I waited for her to answer. Luminara just sat there staring but not really looking at me as her eyes narrowed.

I could feel my anger building as I sat there waiting for her to say something, anything would have been better then the silence that was sitting between us.

I wanted to yell at her, telling how bad she made my life. Oh how I wanted to activate my lightsaber and strike her down. I fought with myself to keep control, but I knew that it was a losing game. .

'I am better then this!' I told myself. But was I??

"Barriss!?" Luminara quietly said. "It's time for us to go before the council."

My heart started to race as she said those words and without thinking I said "Yes Master!"

'But how could I go now and face the council or even face the healers later on?' I asked myself as I pushed the chair away from the table.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

When all you want is time (and there is none to spare)

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2

As the door closed behind us, I slowly said "Master!?" as I felt myself crash to the floor.

"Barriss!?" Master Luminara called out as she knelt down before me.

I closed my eyes as she touched my face "It's ok, Barriss! Your body is in shock. With all that has happened, I'm surprised that this didn't happen before now." she lightly said.

I looked at Master Luminara as I smiled, "Oh?" I asked as I tried to stand.

"Yes, my young friend." she said as she took my arm to help me stand.

"Master!?" I slowly said as she shook her head no.

"I'm no longer your master Barriss, after today you won’t be able to call me that unless we’re in the council together." Luminara said as she looked directly at me.

"I was wondering if we had time to get something to eat?" I slowly asked, and thinking that this may be our last meal together for all time.

Luminara looked shocked but slowly closed her eyes as she answered, "We do have a little time but not much." then she smiled.

I smiled back as she lead me to a small break room that looked like one of the Master's break room.

She nodded to a table and lightly said "Sit Barriss, I'll fix you something."

"Thank you," I said as I sat down in a nearby chair.

"I may not be able to fix you much but this should do until later." she said as she held up a piece of fruit.

"Later?" I asked as I slowly wondered what she meant by that.

Grabbing a plate she said, "Yes, usually after a knighting from the council. As many as 50 Mirialan Jedi will gather to greet you into knighthood. There's usually a small gathering but well planned meal that happens afterwards as a way for new knights to thank their masters." As she slowly cut the fruit up and placing the slices on a plate.

As I watched her sadness filled my eyes, "No, Barriss now is not a time to be sad." I hear her say as she walked up to me with the plate in hand.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "I’m not sad, just worried about you." downcasting my eyes as I waited for her to speak.

Title Healer...or maybe not!?

so your not lost, read this first

My eyes slowly adjust to the lack of light as I heard flow of water from the fountains .

"Padawan Barriss Offee, you stand before us today as Padawan walking into knighthood.. Are you not?" The voice asked but the speaker but didn't step forward.

Lowering my head I slowly said "Yes, that is correct." Just as I stated to say something more, when all of the fountains started to glow with light. My eyes went wide as I saw hundred of healers in the room causing the light to come from the fountains.

Then I saw Healer Da'nar step forward and slowly said to everyone "All welcome Healer Offee to our ranks and make her feel welcome."

I couldn't believe it, me a healer. After all the years of studying and working towards this goal. I was a healer and it saddened me. I was prepared to leave Master Luminara side as her padawan, and be placed into knighthood but I wasn't ready to be a knighted and a healer all at the same time.

"Barriss!?!?" a quiet voice beside me lightly said.

Looking over at the smiling face of one of the other Mirialan healer. "I‘m alright." I said back with a smile.

But I wasn't alright, I was in shook. Everything around me was going in 50 different directions and I I felt like I was going down each and ever single one of them at the same time.

I also felt like running from the room, finding Erifia or Kriss, or at least someone who'd help or at least listen to me and what I have to say.

I felt the room start to spin as the colors from the fountains started changing as fast as my beating heart.

I then felt Master Luminara hand on my arm, "I am sorry to interrupt but Barriss is needed before the council this very moment." she quickly said as she bowed to show respect and waited for me by the door.

"Go now," I heard someone softly say as I bowed and turned to follow my old master Luminara to the council meeting.

As the door closed behind us I slowly said "Master!?" as I felt myself crash to the floor.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A start of something new!

I sat in my office waiting for my meeting with the Healer Da’nar I reminded myself that I had planned on leaving Ekria with Master Luminara but she wasn’t in her room at the time. Therefore I ended up leaving her with NandeHI, I just hope she behaves herself.

'I hope this doesn’t take long,' I thought to myself as I sat there staring at the wall.

I then heard light footsteps outside my office door. 'Maybe that him,' I told myself as I stood up as the door opened up and in walked young padawan.

"Yes, may I help you?" I politely said as I slowly started to raise up out of my chair.

"Master Da’nar sent me to tell you to go to the Room of a Thousand Fountains." the padawan quietly said.

I nodded my thanks and watched as the padawan slowly left the room. I smiled as I remembered a time when I was once like that but that was well before I was grouped with Erifia, Kriss and the rest of our misfit clan. I laugh a little at the thought of what others called our clan, but were we really the misfits?

I slowly walked to the room of Thousand Fountains as I thought about how at one time Kriss, Anakin, Erifia, and myself went off to that room on our own. We had fun changing one of the fountains water several different colors before we were found by Master Windu. I thought back to how he told us that room was meant for those that were healers or in neeed of healing or for those that needed a place to think.

I walked up to the door and looked at it. Shaking my head as I smiled at how Kriss cried after being told that.

My smile fell from my face as I remembered how Master Luminara punished me by making me stand facing that door for one whole day. I pushed my thoughts a side as I entered the room.

The room was dark and I wasn’t sure if anyone was in the room. I watched as the last of the light from the hall fade as the door closed.


Oh by the way Ekria updated my side bar photo, put a new saying in the side bar, and something esle. But I don't know what the last so keep your eyes open for it and tell me.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Learning my lesson

Master said I had to recite the code.

There is no emotion. There is peace.
There is no ignorance. There is knowledge.
There is no passion. There is serenity.
There is no chaos. There is harmony.
There is no death. There is the Force.
There is no fun. There is jumping in mud puddles.
There is no music. There is the sound of laugher.
There is no toys. There is lessons.
There is no tomorrow. There is today.

Well, how did I do?

Friday, September 01, 2006


I did a no-no!

Can you guess what I have done??

Monday, August 21, 2006

Erkia, Anakin, and a tag

continued from here

After Master Windu left I carried Ekria up to her room, as I placed her in her bed. I smiled to myself. ‘This is going to be easy.’ I told myself as I walked out of the room.

As I sat down to do my reports for the day. In walked Anakin Skywalker, I raised my eyebrows. ‘He doesn’t come down here unless there’s a problem or he’s unwell.’ I told myself as I got up to help him.

Read here to see what happened to Anakin.

When I got back to my desk I found a note from Kriss.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of it and the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag three people.

Well I was going to reach for my 5001 different ways to use a lightsaber in the ER but after reread note I grab for a book that has sat on my desk since I got it.

(Perry Rhodan - # 111 Seed of Ruin by William Voltz / # 112 Planet Mechanica by K.H. Scheer, a two in one book!)

Here is what might be achieved for humanity thru Cyclops. Of the billions of races that attempted interstellar communications since intelligent life first flowered in the Galaxy, many must have been successful. They probably pooled their knowledge and experience, their wisdom and their understanding of the universe, and passed this priceless heritage on to younger races that joined the community, just as we now educate our children. One of the requirements imposed on junior members might be to establish beacons to attract and then educate the upcoming intelligent races.

Then I sat there looked at the last part tag three people and thought to myself ‘Ok if I have to then I could tag Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Becca the Maginficant.’ But I thought about it some more, and came up with an idea.

Oh Kriss this is tag back, I will not tag three people until you do this, have fun!

Friday, August 18, 2006


continued from here

My eyes snapped open to the sound of a younglings small cry of alarm.

“Ekria,” I called out “What are you doing here?” I asked as I spotted the child no more then two feet away from me.

“Mommy!?” questioningly asked the child.

“No Ekria,” I started to say then stopped myself.

My thoughts turned back to the day that I found her a year earlier, she had called out to me like she did now, I reminded myself as Ekria climbed into my lap. I closed my eyes as felt a pull at my heart.

This feels so right but I know it’s wrong as I held the child close to me.

I opened my eyes and looked down at Ekria as she fell asleep in my lap. As the door behind us opened and in walked Master Windu.

“Knight Offee,” Master Windu softly said.

“Yes Master,” I replied as I gently got up while holding on to Ekria as she slept.

“I see you found her.” stated Master Windu with a smiled as I pondered what he meant by that.

“More like she found me, Master.” I quietly stated as I slowly tried to bow in show of respect to the senior Master.

“Barriss, “ Master Windu slowly calmly stated“ The council has sent me here to talk to you about your upcoming knighthood and taking on Ekria on as your padawan learner.”

I was shocked at first, then smiled before saying “If the council believes that I’m ready then I’m happy to take Ekria as my padawan.”

“I will tell the council your answer as well as get you new Master/Padawan room set up in the next few weeks.“ Stated Master Windu as he nodded before turning to leave.

My mind raced as I watched Master Windu leave.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Finding Kriss Part 5 End!

To read a different point of view go here and then
read this as well.

I sat there crying as I tried to come to terms with so many emotions at once and reminded myself, Jedi are not suppose to loose control of themselves like this. As I wiped away the last tracks of tears on my face, I looked at Erifia.

“We’re a mess?” I slowly said as I waited to see what she would say.

“Yes, but why?!” Erifia asked impatiently.

“You don’t remember what just happened in here?” I asked as I pondered about my hitting her I was causing her amnesia. Or if she really didn't remember what just happened.

“No, I don’t remember a thing… I know we were talking about your family, and then my mother, and then it was blank until you hit me…” Erifia said softly.

Nodded my head and waited for her to go on. What else can I do, I asked myself. I really didn’t feel like getting into another fight with her.

“Answer me! What happened?” Erifia asked as she sunk down up against the door. “Tell me what happened!”

I shook my head and said “Give me your hand Erifia.” I made up my mind I’d allow her to do a force-meld with me so that her could see the events for herself through the force. I won't hide the truth from her, I couldn't do that to a friend.

As she placed her hand in my I slowly allowed her mind to join with mine and showed her every thing that happened. Force knows she had every right to know what happened in here earlier.

“I deny it! Stop playing with my mind! I wouldn’t do such a thing!” she cried as I let go of her hand.

“Erifia, I’m not playing with your mind.” I slowly said as I let go of her hand.

“I deny it!” she yelled, “It never happened!” As her tears started to fall

“I didn’t do it…” She kept repeating, “It never happened… It couldn’t have happened.”

I hugged Erifia as I slowly thought what to tell her.

“What did I do?” She asked again, not remembering again, “Barriss, what’s wrong?”

I realized at once that something was very wrong but I didn’t want to scare Erifia.

“Erifia,” I slowly started to say as I think of what to do next. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I pondering if I should try a force clensing on her or wait till we were back in the temple to do so.

Erifia sighed and smiled as she gave me a tight hug.

“I was worried I had…” Erifia quietly said.

I hugged her back and worried thought how was I to deal with this and her at the same time.

“Thanks, You’re such a good friend. Go ahead and sleep on my bed, I’ll go sleep next to Tatooine tonight.” she said as she walked over the wall panel.

“Your welcome Erifia.” I said quietly as I shook my head “ I couldn’t sleep on your bed, it won’t be right.”

“Please do, I need to spend time with my baby anyway…” She said as matter of fact.

“Oh!” I surprising said.

“No, no dear, my tauntaun.” she quickly stated.

"You call your tauntaun.... a baby!?" I asked.

“Yes, he’s my baby… Tatooine the Tauntaun. He’s my little child. He’s a sweetie…” Erifia said loving.

“That’s sweet.” I said and thought back to all the times I could have really would have liked to have a pet.

With that she smiled and walled out of the room.

After Erifia left I sat on the floor pondering over the events that had happened over the last few hours. Then I wondered if I could talk Erifia into going back to the temple. “No,“ I said to myself “Not as long as Kriss is missing, I’m not giving up looking for her.” As if the need to hear my voice or just a voice of reason would make everything seem much clearer.

Hours passed as I weighted out all of my options, which weren’t many but when I finally made up my mind on what to do.

I must have fallen asleep because next thing I knew I woke up and Erifia is yelling “Barriss! Ani’s at the temple, and that’s where we are.”

I moaned and said “Good Morning to you too!” As I slowly started to sit up in her bed.

“Now, I want to give the boy a piece of my mind…” She said with her back to me and waited as I got up, put on my boats and found my skullcap and cloak on the back of the only chair in the room.

How odd that I don’t remember taking these items off as I reach to place my cloak in place.

I walked over to Erifia and while standing next to her said “Ok, I’m ready when you are.”

Erifia motioned for me to follow her as we walked off the the ship I looked at the group that waited for us to depart from the ship. My eyes sweep over the group of three (Master Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Kriss).

My eyes narrowed as I noticed Erifia motion for me to say something to Anakin. But the only thing I could do was yell “HOW COULD YOU!” and causing the group as a whole to all look at Anakin then myself and back.

Erifia looked at Ani and yelled “We were still searching!”

“Chill,” he said, “We couldn’t get your line.”

“Well, I found you,” Erifia said, “And I see you found her. Good. I’m glad. I saved you the trouble of having to find us, and if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go to my room in the temple and sleep. Hugs and Kisses.” Then rushed past the group with look back.I looked at the group and called out "Erifia, I'm coming with you." as I walked past the group and hurried to the spot that she stood waiting for me.

As I approached her, she looked at me and said“Look, I know you lied to me back on the ship. Something was up, and whatever it was, I lived it twice, and forgot it twice. Because there are big gaps in my memory, so I don’t care you were probably trying to protect me, but we are here now. Tell me so I can sort it out, okay?”

I looked at Erifia as I slowly nodded my head. “Yes, something did happen back on the ship. You may not care but I do. If it wasn’t for me being there, then you’d have done so real damage to yourself or to someone else."

Erifia looked over at me, “Sith Lightning?” I asked.

I looked at her and quietly ask “How do you know about that?” Oh no, is that all she remembers I asked myself as I waited for her to answer.

“Because, Aayla Secura used it on me. And I am more like her than I want to be,” Erifia leaned in and whispered, “I promised I wouldn’t tell and I won’t, but I need to do what I am about to do alone… Okay?”

“Erifia, I can understand that but there’s more to it then that.” I said.

“What?” asked Erifia as patiently as I hoped she could manage at the time.

I look at her and shake my head “No, what I have to say to you can wait.” I state quietly to myself then to her.

“Please Barriss…” Erifia I said softly, “I’ve very few friends. I don’t want to lose you because you are holding something inside.”

I felt trapped inside as I looked at Erifia, “We were talking about parents and for a few short minutes I thought I lost you. And I got mad, so mad that I hit you, Erifia. I’ve never hit anyone without reason before now. I …we… both lost control back there.” I quietly say as I lower my eyes to hide my shame.

“To be a healer, one doesn’t loss control like that. It’s unheard of.” I tell her.

Erifia pulled at my chin to get me to look at her as she leaned in and whispered, “I am a frustrating person. I deserve a good hit every now and again. I promised I wouldn’t tell, and I won’t. I need to go get better, up here…” she said as she pointed at her head.

Erifia hugged me, and before she left me. I then turned and walked to my favorite spot in the whole temple to meditate myself. It’s been a stressful few days, I tell myself as I watch a passing ship go by.


Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Finding Kriss part 4 (well a back story, one may call it)

To read a different point of view go here

"Are you okay?" Asked Erifia as we entered her ship.

"I think so," I answered as started to pondered over the test results from before.

I looked over at Erifia and watched as her eyes lowered their icy barrier and let her concern show through, "Then why where you so quiet on the tripe over here?"

"I was," as I quickly wiped away a tear "running a small test."

"What do you mean by test?" she asked.

"A blood test," I started to say then thought better of it and added "I ran a DNA test against myself and someone else."

I saw a look of surprise in Erifia‘s eyes as she asked "Who?"

"The test showed that Master Luminara in fact my mother." I said almost silently to myself as tears fell silently down my face.

"Wait!" She said as the pieces clicked into place," your master could be your mother?"

"There’s no could be about it, Erifia." I said as I wiped away the tears. "The test showed that she is in fact be my mother."

Erifia eyes went wide with surprise, then narrowed as she stated "Isn't that against the rules?" I stood there waiting for her to yell at me or at scream both how much against the rules it was. Instead she calmly said this "If so, I am so proud of her, and you."

Huh? Did I hear her right??? She’s proud of us? Is this the same Erifia, I have come to know and trust? My mind raced as I stood there and just stared at her.

After what felt like an hour pass by, Erifia quietly asked "Do you need a hug?"

I barely nodded my head yes when I felt Erifia’s arm wrap around me in a tight hug. My mind raced as I hugged her back. My only thoughts were the council is not going to be so happy if they hear about this.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Erifia lightly as she rubbed my back.

"I don’t know, I think so." I said trying to calm my mind.

I heard Erifia lightly laugh as she asked "Want me to go and kill someone for you?"

I looked at my friend wondering if she was joking or if she was really willing to so for me. I lightly said "No!" I hope she’s joking, I told myself over and over again.

Erifia raised an eyebrow and asked "Are you sure?"

"Yes I’m sure." I said thinking maybe she’s not joking.

"Do you think Luminara will tell you about your father?" Erifia asked. I was upset that she‘d even ask such a thing without even thinking.

"I'm not sure she will, I'm sure she does want to talk about it, but you and I both know that the code does not allow for that sort of thing to happen." I answered as I thought why would she want to keep this a secret from the council in the first place.

"The code," Erifia said as she let out a simple hmph, "So why did it happen?"

"I don't know." I said as Erifia led my towards a room in her ship. As we entered I noticed that it was her bedroom.

Since we have never really talked much about her family I made up my mind and asked her “What's your father like?"

Erifia eyes narrowed as she said “He's the most miserable man in the entire galaxy. When I was a child he sent me away to the temple because I was a financial burden on him."

I could feel her pain, and hate. I didn‘t even think I just asked "You hate him for that, don't you?"

"Let's just say, I hate Aayla Secura more than anyone, but my father could quickly take her place," Erifia said quickly .

I worried wondered if that what I would have been ended up like that to if my father had done the same thing to me. Without even thinking, I asked "I wonder is my father would have done the same thing?"

"No, because of your mother," Erifia frankly stated.

My mind raced as she said that, was she so sure of that because her mother fought to keep her. I then asked her "What's your mother like?" I hoped that she would say that her mother had fought to keep her but instead I saw tears running down her face.

"She was the most beautiful woman in all the galaxy... She loved me so much she gave her own life to let mine come into the world... I would have been so different if she was alive, I'd never have become a Jedi, I'd have probably been a twi'lek dancing girl, like her..." Erifia sighed, and she wiped away any trace of tears. "I always get like this“ she started to say then she stopped crying and continued on to say .. “have a picture, its the only part of her I have..." As she handed the picture over to me.
I looked at the picture and thought if only she knew what it was like to have a master as a mother she‘d wouldn‘t be so and without even thinking I mindless said "It must be hard to know that I've had all this time with my mother and you only got a picture..." …oh why did I say that? I cried out in my mind. That was almost childlike Barriss! I told myself over and over again.

I stared at Erifia as she clenched her hands into fist. Oh, no! I thought to myself, she’s going to hit me for saying that.

"And? And what? You're master is still alive... You were going to say that too?" Erifai screamed, "Weren't you?"

I stepped away from Erifia and watched as she brought her hand up a side the wall. I just stood there, waited to see if she would say anything more. When she s sat down on the bed and scooted over to a far corner and curled up into a ball. I felt my heart sink to my feet as I thought to myself, way to go.. you just lost yourself a good friend.

I knew that I had done wrong and there’s not point in hiding it. I could feel my anger get the better of me. As I waited I told myself, if she going to hit me let her. Then I felt myself break apart in the inside.

I then walked over stomping my feet as I went over to her. I could feel myself getting madder by the second.

“ERIFIA!”I yelled as my face got red with anger.

“ERIFIA!” I yelled again and without thinking I hit her hard on the side of the face. “IF YOU THINK HAVING MY MOTHER FOR A MASTER WAS A WONDERFUL… YOUR WRONG!”

Next thing I knew my knees gave out and I was on the floor crying.. "Erifia, she wasn't loving....her only real concern was that I'd make it to Jedi Knighthood....does that sound like a mother to you?" I cried as everything came out. All the years, of being her padawan and all the times I had received punishment for small things that I did wrong.

“Barriss?” Erifia asked, “Why are you crying?”

I could barely hear Erifia talking, but between my sobbing I could only make out that she was saying something but what?

My mind raced as I tried to find out what she said. But the only thoughts that were going through my mind was, she’s mad at me! My body started to violently shake as the words started to sink in. Over and over again my mind kept on repeating she’s mad at me.

I tried to calm my mind and stop my body from shaking but the more I tried the more violently my body was shaking .

“Barriss, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I could hear how worried Erifia was but when I didn’t answer her. She asked again, “Barriss, what’s wrong?”

I tried to find my voice but all I could do was ball my hand into fist and started to stuttering “I………..hit…….you……” I could feel my face getting red with shame as I continued “broke….healers code …………………sorry.” I couldn’t look her in the eyes when I said I was sorry.

“Barriss… Tell me what I did to warrant the hit… Please? I’ll never tell anyone. I promise…” Erifia quietly asked as she slowly rubbed my back.

(TBC - To Be Continued)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

A little down time

Your Theme Song is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

"There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves."

You haven't been feeling a lot lately, and you think that's a good thing.
The comfortable part is nice... but you should really work on numb.

Jaba, did you send another bounty hunter after me? If so, could you please pay them off asap. Thanks!

As for the rest of you.. my story will continue soon as I'm able to type it all out.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Finding Kriss part 3 Kashyyyk

starts here on this blog, and then
read a different view read part 3

I straped myself into the crash-webing that was attached to the seat and waited for the ship to land.

As we landed on Kashyyyk it was late in the night. As we regrouped with the others only thing that we could agree on was finding a place to sleep. Which took a little searching but we did find one place called the Wicked Wookie Inn.

Shortly after being shown our rooms that I hear some sneezing and very loudly after thirdy minutes, I might add.

Lucky for me I wasn't bunking with any of my fellow Jedis for the night. Althought it appeared that Erifia wanted to talk to me about something but she wouldn't just come out and say it.

As morning came and we regrouped and headed for the The Shaven Wookie Salon. As we stepped inside Anakin sneezed so loudly, I stated wondering if it was him that I had heard the night before.

The Wookie behind the counter turned toward us and started speaking quickly, pointing at Anakin, and making what looked like scissors.

I surprised him when I spoke back to him in his own language.

"Tell him if he comes at me with scissors he'll lose more than his hand," I heard Anakin tell me as the wookie continued to tell me what information he knew.

Then I heard Jinx say. "It's not always about you. He could have been pointing to me, you know."

I walked over to Anakin and slowly said to the group "He says he has no idea what we want. He knows nothing."

"Did you mention the porcupine guy?" asked Anakin.

I turned back and asked the question to the Wookie. And as luck would have it, he remembered someone coming in looking sort of like that and how he left a little animal behind that was stinking the place up..

"He said this... uh, thing came by a while ago. He left something when he left. A baby P'weck." I repeated what the Wookie had told me.

"A What?" Anakin asked looking a little lost.

Erifia spoke up "P'wecks are a green furred species with red feathers coming out of their heads. They come from the planet Telti, an ice planet."

"The Wookie says it's driving everyone crazy. It gets into everything," I added wondering what we were going to do with it.

"Let's see it," Anakin told me.

The Wookie happily handed the animal over to me, it was cute animal very small almost a baby would be my guess. As I walk back to the group with the animal cuddled in my arms the Wookie followed me and started to fluff Anakins' hair.

I walked over with it in my arms, the Wookie following. He stands next to Anakin and starts trying to fluff his hair. Anakin looked a littled annoyed by this but didn't say anything as we all stared down at the P'weck in my arms.

I don't think any of us were ready for what happened next the P'weck looked up at Anakin and said "Momma?"

I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was surprised by this and as I looked at the faces of the other I knew that it didn't just take me by surprise but all of us.

"I'm going to ignore that," Anakin muttered. "I guess we're off to Telti. I hope you guys packed your ski gear."

"Momma?" Wings start flapping as it tryed to struggling out of my arms and into Anakins' arms!

As we disbanded and went to our ships I heard Jinx say "Awe, isn't that cute! It's wants it's mommy!"

Anakin stated "I heard that!" as a dirty look crossed his face.

Finding Kriss part 2 (I miss my friend!)

starts here on this blog, and then
And to read a different point of view go here

I looked at Erifia and wondered how she would be able to hold her tongue as I talked to this person but somehow I hope that she'd be able to manage.

I quickly walked up to this person "Excuse me!" I quickly started to state as this person turned towards me. It seen to me that everything started to slow down for no reason, then I called to Erifia 'Somethings not right here!' as I gathered my wits, and the force around me like a blanket.

Whoever was asking Becca questions, turn towards the sound of my voice but when she saw us comming towards her. She turned and started running away quickly. I felt like I was sitting on the sidelines watching this person fleeing from us without reason.

I could feel someone hand on my elbow "Don't you dare pass out on me now!" Erifia stated as her eyes sweeped the area. I wasn't sure what she was looking for, maybe it's it was the way she was trained I told myself as I slowly started to turn toward her ship and got my first good look at Becca.

She looks scared I told myself as I slowly scanned the ship with my eyes looking for any notice able changes to the outside of the ship. Nothing out of place there, I noted to myself as Erifia helped Becca to her feet.

"We should get going to Kashyyyk. Force knows what's in store for us there." Erifia quickly stated this as a reminder to me that we should get out of here as so as possible.

We entered the ship but before we got much futher up the loading ramp, I turned to Erifia and said "If you have medical area on this ship. If it's ok with you, I'd like to use to."

*hours later*

I ran several blood test as I could and sat back and waited for the results.

"I don't know, she's been in there all this time and hasn't said two words." loudly cryed Becca.

"She'll come back out when she has her answers, she usually does." frankly stated Erifia.

*half hour later*

Tears fill my eyes as I read the results.

"Barriss!" I hear Erifia calling me from the nearest speaker box.

I pressed a side button "Yes, Erifia. What is it?" I asked wondering what could be wrong.

"We'll be landing on Kashyyyk in a few minutes." she states and then silence fills the room.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Finding Kriss The Back Story Part 1

Starts here on Erifia's blog, and starts here on this blog, and then
continues here on Skywalker's blog.

"Where does this clue lead us?" I asked and started think over where this new information would lead us to.

"Not a lot to go on," Erifia tossed in as her eyes scanned the area.

I looked over at Erifia wondering if she had noticed something and wasn't telling us. Or just being Erifia looking out for the group even when we're in a safe location.

Anakin smiled and stated. "Think about it. Where would a Wookie get a haircut? The Shaven Wookie Salon on Kashyyyk!"

How he ever figured that out, I'll never know.

Looking at Erifia told me that she was even impressed by Anakin's knowledge.

As we disband and went to our ships, I wondered why Erifia was being silent. When we got closer to her ship, we both noticed that we weren't alone anymore.

"Where are Jedis Erifia Apoc, and Barriss Offee" asked very upset voice.

"I don't know...they left and I stayed with the ship." answered Becca.

Erifia grapped for her lightsabers and I ran to get between her and whoever was talking to Becca.

'I know that voice,' I told her through the force. 'It won't be wise to rush up to her with our lightsabers activated. Unless you really want to be in front of the council explaining why, for I do not want that and neither should you. Just let me do the talking and follow my lead.' I begged her through the force.

Sadly I could see Erifia refusing my advise but she took it almost as if she knew that there was more there then just what we could see or feel through the force. 'I won't... But be prepared, I'm ready for a fight,' she told me, using the same mind tap I was using.

I was shooked by her words and by the weight they carried with them.

As we approached the ship in silence, we could see a lone figure standing over Becca.

I could feel the anger and hate roll of Erifia 'I don't like the way this looks...not at all!'

'Who is this woman and why is she yelling at Becca?' as she angryly yelled at me through the force.

I both stopped a few yards from the ship and stopped Erifia with a wave of my arm. Before I allowed myself to go to the ship, I went deeply into the force to see if Becca was hurt and maybe get an idea of who this person is and how she knows of us. As my mind linked with Becca, I found her to be frighten by this person but not hurt. As for the other woman, I realized right away that she was another Jedi, but I couldn't place a name with the force signuature that I felt.

'Calm yourself Erifia, Becca's not hurt just upset. I've seen and heard this woman back at the temple, many of times and so have you.' I calmly called back hoping she'd cool off a little before we got any closer to them.

A look of wonder crossed Erifia's face as she quietly asked "You mean to tell me she's another Jedi Knight?"

"Yes, can't you feel her force signuature?" I quietly asked back.

"Yes, but I thought she was a dark Jedi, or worse a Sith Lord." A look of hate crossed Erifia face as she said that.