Not looking back

Read these first so your not lost
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6



I climbed back to my feet, maybe I could leave. Leave all of this behind; and go somewhere anywhere and get my head back on straight. 'But where would I go?' I asked myself I walked around the room.

'There's no place safe that I could go and not be found by the council.' I told myself as I stopped in the middle of the room.

'But I wanted to hurt Master Luminara and just now I could have hurt Erifia as well.' I reminded myself as I brushed my braid out of my face and tucked it back into my skull-cap as I waited for Erifia to return.

"Would you really risk leaving the temple?" Asked a voice I haven't heard in a long time.

"Master Qui-Gon Jinn!?!?" I said as I looked around the room for him.

"Hello Barriss," he whispered.

I fell to my knees as I slowly tried to come to terms of his present being in the room with me. "What do you mean risk leaving the temple?" I asked as I waited for his reply, knowing full well what he meant.

"Running away from your problems will solve nothing, young one. Surly you know that?" He said as I stood there by a window waiting for my answer. But I didn't say anything but waited for him to go on.

"If you leave your troubles will only follow you," Qui-Gon said when waited for my reply.

"Yes Master I do, but." I started to say then stopped for I felt like kicking down the door and leaving and then he said "But what?"

"I don't know, Master," I cried.

"Why is your heart so troubled, Barriss? Do you think you are unworthy?" Master Qui-Gon asked.

"I...I...I..." I cried, I couldn't say it, even to him I couldn't say it. And it made me cry harder then I ever did before in my life.

"Let it out, Barriss, spill out your heart in words..." He said trying his best to comfort me.

"That is something I'm not trained to do." I cried as I hung my head

"Feelings can not be helped. Trained or not." He said with a knowing smile.

"But I am better then this, I've been trained to be in control. Not the other way around." I stated.

I heard him sigh deeply before saying, "Control is a point of view and highly misinterpreted. All of us lose that control once and a while and fall off our path." He slowly stated.

I glared at him, then stood and ran from the room.

'I don't need him or his advice anymore.' I told myself as I hurried towards my room.

As I entered I grabbed for my already packed traveling bag and made a mad dash from the room.

I didn't even watch were I was going until I was standing on the landing platform. I didn't look back to see if anyone was following me as I ran towards one of the Jedi fighters and climbed in and as I dried my tears. As I slowly fired the engines up and waited till all systems were good to go.

When the systems read that I was green to go. I set course and felt the ship take off as I sat back in the seat.