If death were as easy as a friend giving their ok

Read these first so your not lost
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
part 9
This is story is now part of a cross over with Erifia Apoc read her part of the story here on her blog.

I watched over Erifia as I healed her, wondering why she was here on Lemorn of all places and not back at the temple where she should have been.

Shaking my head, I told myself 'I don’t need distractions like those thoughts now.'

Erifia breathing was quiet and shallow as I continued to heal her. 'Lucky for her, she won't have any permanent scarring.' I told myself.

'But I have years of scarring that this form of healing won't fix.' I reminded myself as I stepped back as she started to toss and turn in her sleep.

I wanted to grab a pillow and smother her with it, but I stopped myself when I saw that Erifia had her eyes open and slowly asking "Are my lekkus okay?" with questioning look in her eyes.

I looked at her with sad eyes before answering, "They'll be tender for a while, but that also in time will pass."

I waited for her to say something but when she didn't I turned away and asked "Why are you here?"

"For you… You kind of left me hanging at the temple. The council was a little upset," She laughed a bit before going on, "So Master Yoda made me a master… How weird huh? I know you are a knight, but will you be my padawan until we can get that braid removed?"

Her answer surprised me that I tried to calm myself as I thought to myself 'Great, this is just great!! She thinks I'm a knight!' as I felt the tears well up and fall down my face.

"You'll have to forgive me, Master! But I couldn't control my emotions.” I cried softly "And I still can't control them, not the way the council rules allows us to be."

"Barriss, Barriss… Calm down… Its okay, its me. I'm your friend. I care about you. I love you. Sometimes you make me sad, sometimes mad, but you make me happy… You hear that? I feel emotion… Calm down Okay?" Erifia calmly stated as she tried to comfort me.

I then realized why she was here. 'That can not be!?!?!? she won’t go and kill me, would she?' I asked myself as I wiped away my tears before asking "You're here to do their will?"

Erifia tried to comfort me as she said "No Barriss. I'm here to make sure you are okay? You can talk to me."

'Can I..can I really talk to you?' I asked myself as I slowly said "Erifia, I'm not ok. I’m not even sure if I'll ever be ok." then I turned and looked at Erifia before saying. "Right now I want to kill you, and I know that's not right."

And I do want to kill her, my mind was made up moments before that I should have. But I didn't, 'What stopped me?' I asked myself as I listened to Erifia ask "Why? I'm okay with you wanting to kill me, but tell me why. Give me a reason."

I looked at Erifia hard before saying, "I don't know!! I've tried everything I know and I still can't find a reason as to why."

That for the most part was true, I couldn't find a reason as to why I wanted to kill her. Maybe that answer wasn't meant to be found.

"Then kill me," she calmly stated , "If you think you'll get the answers that way. I'm very weak right now. I couldn't fight you too terribly hard. I've been through a lot, I've wanted to kill everyone around me. I felt lost, I felt I didn't deserve life, Barriss. You and I aren't the same person. So I don't know what you need to find your way. But if killing me will give you peace, then kill me."

'That's it, that's the answer.' My mind shouted out.

'Or is it?' I questioned myself as I slowly stated "No, Erifia I won't kill you in this state." before I went on to say "If I was to kill you, it would be a fair fight." Then I reached out with the force and showed her my dreams, well only bits and pieces of death that I saw all around me. I felt her wince before I asked "Why am I not where I need to be, Master?"

'Was I needed as a healer or was I really needed as a fighter or somewehre else in the temple?' I asked myself as I waited for her reply.

"Because you are afraid of where that path may lead you." she stated as I thought over her words.